Secret gay past??

For some reason I have posts on here from middle school talking about how hot girls are and how much I love women and about how I wish my crush was gay from before I even knew I was gay???? did I have a secret gay past that I repressed so hard I had to come out to myself twice???? I have literally no memory of thinking I was gay, having a crush, or every even thinking about it. help what is wrong with my brain.