AITA?
I’ve made a post about this before. But I’m here to mention a recent problem I’m dealing with.
For context: I (22F) am married to my wife (43F). We met because she was an old family friend. She knew me since I was a little girl. Things happened when I was in school and we would sneak around to meet. And When I turned 20, we made it official. My parents weren't accepting, until I told them if they couldn't accept us I'd leave and not look back. They came around, Now we've been married for 5 months.
The issue is she never lets me touch her. I'm always the one receiving. Every time I try to reciprocate , she stops me and says watching me enjoy it is enough for her. I tried to believe that. Then last week I walked in on her masturbating to lesbian porn. The scenario was specifically "young cute 18-year-old student girls”. I asked her about it. She refused to answer. I put on my old school uniform to see if she'd open up to me. She told me to take it off and left the room.
She also has a new colleague. 18 F, recent high-school graduate. My wife owns and works in a retail shop. She hired her fast within a day of meeting her. I noticed something was off when she enthusiastically told me about this new fresh help around the shop. However she—my wife texts her constantly. Phone face down. Inside jokes I'm not part of. I wonder is the relationship between an employee and an employer supposed to be this intimate? When I ask, she says it's just work things and I'm being insecure. But, She has only texted me like that when I was still in school.
Last night I finally asked her: "If I were older, would you still want me?" She got quiet, then got angry. She said I was overthinking and that I should stop because she’ll love me however I am. Then I said “Then why won't you let me touch you? And now you hire a new girl and text her all day?" She got pissed and said I'm jealous and punishing her for having a career, so She slept in the guest room. This morning she said I'm insecure and making her uncomfortable with our marriage.
I know I'm not easy to be married to, I need reassurance constantly. I ask her where she is who she's with. I cried for two hours when she went to a work dinner with her new employees without me. I text her a lot throughout the day and get upset when she doesn't answer fast enough. I threatened to leave my parents for her and I remind her of that every time we fought which I know is a very petty thing to do. I put on a school cosplay uniform because I wanted a reaction. I know she's pulled away. I just don't know how to fix it.
I love her. I just want to be enough as I am now, not just as the girl I once was. But maybe I'm the reason she pulls away and doesn't want to touch me anymore. So, AITA?
TL;DR: I asked my wife if she'd still want me if I were older after she refuses to let me touch her, I caught her watching young student porn, and she hired a 18-year-old colleague she texts constantly. But I'm also clingy, jealous, and I've made her feel trapped and annoyed. She says I'm insecure.
