Loosing it
I made a new account when I'm not even active for ts but I need to vent ig???
I just hate feeling feminine I dont know why like my mother put me in this dress and I have to go out, I dont even have shorts under I feel so uncomfortable I started crying and she can't even fathom it's because I dont want to wear this shitty ass dress that barely covers shit
Anyways I get im weird, I'm happy I'm an A cup and used to pray my breast never grew bigger, even rn im scared to wear proper bras bc what if it makes my chest lift up and makes them more visible
It's not even that big of a deal, ik at the start I said I dislike being feminine but idk I just don't want to wear dresses, I dont want to wear that classic clean girl makeup and I just dont get being a lady, I dont want to. Whenever I have to do things like that, I dont feel like me like who tf is this, I feel so disgusted and barfy just to do 'stereotypical women things'
No joke I started to cry (well not full blown bawling but there were tears) bc of just having to wear a dress in public. It's always like this, always, and it's not bc im scared something will inappropriate will happen to me or some reasonable bs, I just dont like being a 'girl'
I don't WANT to be a young lady anytime soon it's stiffiling, being like a girl feels stuffing and ik I'm overreacting and shit bc it's not srs but I dont feel like mysef whenever I have to
I'm well over my preteens, im legit graduating jn and yet im still like this, it just keeps getting worse as well, I wish I thought and felt normal about these things
Idk if I want to be a guy, Ik I dont wish I was born as well, bc I also think I wouldn't be myself then, and maybe if I was born a guy id be a shitty one who knows, but if I had to choice now, I'd do it in a heartbeat and idk why
When i also think of having to be a guy tho I feel like I'll just come back feeling the same thing as well, I think the problem is I can't be normal no matter what, I can't fit I question things normal ppl just dont question, I get angry and annoyed at the things normal ppl consider normal and precious, im just a strange awful person
Ik why my mom those things like this ik she doesn't know what I think ik allat ik it's just me who 'doesn't want to be a girl' im stupid
