I feel bad asking this question and feeling this way

Question: How do you know when someone is flirting with you versus just being nice?

How do you guys tell when someone is actually flirting with you, when they’re simply being nice, or when they’re just naturally like that with everyone? And how do you know when flirting has crossed the line into making you uncomfortable?

What if you’re the only one feeling uncomfortable because you’re not used to receiving compliments or being approached that way? How do you distinguish between someone genuinely crossing a boundary and simply feeling uncomfortable because you’re not used to that kind of attention?

Just to be clear, I’m not judging anyone for feeling differently. I’m genuinely asking because I have a hard time understanding this myself, and I’ve experienced something similar.

Rant:

So, I’m a nurse and used to work in a nursing home, mainly caring for elderly people with Alzheimer’s and dementia.

I’ve always known that people with dementia aren’t necessarily fully aware of what they’re saying or doing, and that they might say things that could come across as flirting without necessarily meaning anything by it. So I never really had a problem with that. I understood that it could be part of their condition, and I didn’t blame them for it.

But tell me why, almost every time I worked there, there was always some random elderly (mostly men) making comments towards me?

I’ve heard other colleagues mention that they also have elderly residents who flirt with them, but I rarely heard them describe anything particularly intense. Usually, it was something small, like “ you look nice today!”

Meanwhile, I’ve had comments like:

* “What a beauty we have working here!”
* “I wish I had a cute little girl like you helping me too!”

And it wasn’t just the comments. Some would stare intensely at me, and even after I had walked away, I’d notice them still staring.

Another example was when they would ask me to massage them because I supposedly had soft hands. ( i did it once for them and my mentor said they can do it but the man insisted i do it and not the mentor) Or when I’d go to the kitchen to prepare or fix something for them after helping them get up, they would follow me with their eyes and just stare at me from behind.

Like, is it just me, or is this actually a common experience in elderly care? Has anyone else experienced something similar, especially those of you who work in healthcare or elderly care?

I don’t want to play the victim or blame anyone, especially considering their conditions, but honestly it got so uncomfortable for me that I eventually decided I didn’t want to work with elderly people or in nursing homes anymore.

Am I being overdramatic? Is this normal in elderly care? I’d genuinely like to hear other people’s experiences and perspectives.