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Can anyone recommend me a hunterverse yaoi manhwa/manhua like "The hunter is laying low", " Death delayed by the will", and "Traces if the sun"?

This is something i planned to take to my grave honestly. But i am writing it here anyway because why not, right?
I was touched by my older brother for years. Groping touching fondling everything except penetration. I was 8-10 years old i believe. It stopped when he went abroad. I did not remember any of this at all. A year before, my brother texted me apologizing for abusing me, saying he felt guilty, and he was institutionalized in a mental facility with severe depression. I told him i didnt remember any of it, and he said, 'you were just a kid and way too naive, your mind probably blocked it out'
And we have never talked about it since. But since then, randomly, i get pieces of memories of it all. And the worst part is, i used to giggle. I did not know this was bad- my mother never had the bad touch talk with me either. Maybe i liked the attention. But now i the more i recall, the more filthy i feel. I feel like a whore somehow.
Every friend i ever had ended up falling in love with me, maybe i manipulate people into liking myself? Is there a way to just...stop ? I dont knoe what im asking but, like, is there a way you can just stop thinking, stop feeling, stop hurting- just stop?

school will arrive soon and im kinda scared not because of school but because i feel like i haven't read enough manga/manhwa yet like yk i feel like i wasted all that precious summer vacation doing nothing instead of actually enjoying. dunno if it rlly makes sense but dread js washes over me when i remember that lol

It's about an uke who is skinny and like shorter than uke he's extremely pale and has white hair and like pink lips and the seme has black hair