guys please help me find this bl mamga, so it is about an already established adult couple...

guys please help me find this bl mamga, so it is about an already established adult couple but one person (i don't remember top or bottom i think bottom) have started feeling really insecure about his body in a way tgat it is not girlish/cute looking anymore and his partner might get grossed out holding him because he has gotten taller and masculine than his partner while his partner have mentioned it quite well his cuteness during their high school time

also another one i honestly don't remember anything except that the gay guy is like everything is same after lights are off and trying to have and having sex with women and he first time get with a man he gets really emotional and thinks "oh so thats how a man feels" or smth along these lines