i want to be in a relationship

wdym hedgehog dilemma

Maybe it has something to do with your attachment style (too)? You could be avoindant for all you know. You can try out test for free if you look it up.
But dont worry, youre not alone with this, many people are in your shoes, so its not that uncommon. You can try to actively search for people of your taste or wait patiently sooner or later someone might just come and sweep you off your feet

it is a coined term, basically hedgehogs want to come closer to other hedgehogs so as to not feel cold but due to the pricks on their body, can't be very close as they'll hurt the other and get hurt themselves. similarly in human relationships, becoming 100% trusting towards the other person is scary bc it has a fear of breaking of trust attached which will hurt us, also the other person becoming too close to us and sharing vulnerability also puts us in a place where we are cautious of not to hurt the person we love and consciously/unconsciously try to mold ourselves into that kind of person, eventually losing where we started from. so this kind of complete mutual trust and intimacy (physical, mental, emotional) is scary both ways, which leads us to a relationship where we are very of the other no matter how much we love them (sometimes feeling like we are walking on eggshells more the more we love them) which in turn makes the relationship shallower than it should be (or a relationship which could become deeper but due to fear and risk of losing we don't do that)
it's also kind of like a game theory of zero sum games. where one is scared of fully being vulnerable/opening up bc what if the other betrays you? you'll lose(feel sad/broken/betrayed) while the other walks away w no damage, and the other person might be thinking the same and this u never open up completely UNTIL maybe the other person opens up and becomes vulnerable. for it to happen, someone needs to be the first to be vulnerable but both are scared to be the first one to play, adm hence both of them don't play and it becomes a null scene instead. (while the good option was for the both of the people to be trustful of e/o completely), the fear of betrayal/losing is higher than the dopamine/happiness of winning, human psychology that ends up making relationships harder (even applies to other things)


LMAO did i js explain to you the maths of zero sum game theory to you on a convo abt me feeling lonely T_T

I'm going to say this in the most loving way: you're overthinking it. I get it that you're unsure especially when you're inexperienced and fear betrayal or heartbreak but spiraling like that when nothing really happend yet won't help and you will be stuck in this kind of mindset that you're unable to be in a relationship or just spiral more. The truth is dating or finding any kind of relationship is based on putting yourself out there, even though you can get hurt. Most people have the same fears as you, they are also unsure, not confident in every stuff they do, even though it may seem like it. So the best thing you can do is show up and communicate and just solve problems when they appear, not dwell on them when nothing even happend. It's okay to be awkward about it or sometimes embarrass yourself, you're just human and you're trying your best and that is enough. Try to meet some new people and be yourself and take it easy, I'm rooting for you:)

i don't think it's worth it to be out there and try, that's my problem T_T. it's not worth it to risk a heartbreak or a betrayal. T_T

you will do what you want but you can get over bad things easier than it may seem or at least you won't know it if it's really that bad if you won't try