Many authors dive into bdsm theme coz its one of the popular themes but do not study enough of the rules of it and the stories mostly reflect that. Some just think of it as an extension of rough sex that they dont even bother to dive into the depths of why ppl areinto such kinks in the first place
I 100% agree on the nuance thing. Kink is nuanced in real life and that goes double for fiction. Skating the line between fantasy and reality can be hard, especially with so many different interests, boundaries, wants, and personal traumas each individual has. What matters is that the reader is enjoying the content they're engaging with, the reader follows their curiosity and learns the difference between the real life stuff and the fantasy stuff, and that we respect our own limits when engaging with content instead of judging or blaming artists/writers for telling the fictional stories they want to tell.
I've commented a bunch throughout these threads (I'm a kink educator for a nonprofit that supports sex workers and the queer community) and have said a lot of the things that you have. I think it kind of all comes down to intention, preference, and allowing yourself to be curious without shame. That's how I went from being someone who was incredibly anti-age play because my only experience with it was cishet men infantilizing women for their own pleasure to becoming someone who realized that age-play is incredibly healing to me in my own kink journey.
Anyway, we can talk about nuance and individual preferences all day. Really I just wanted to say that you shared some great perspective and I'm glad you commented!
*other thing in the "what matters" list - that it isn't hurting anyone in real life
Ooo bl controversy with nuance ლ(´ڡ`ლ). I know saying theres nuance is going to make 50% of the comments mad but I still thank yall because this is the most reasonable thing to be mad at in bl history. I think I do agree with y'all that these last few chapters have been a more then a little toxic especially with hoseob seemingly wanting to do play more because he wants the top not to be mad at and I don't remember there being a non verbal safe word where he was gagged (smh（￣へ￣) ). That's not okay in any BDSM space unless explicitly consented to in that type (to each their your) but that's not the case here, and there seems to be a general lack of communication.
Now, I think this is illustrating a constant issue that the top's been having, he's not really good at understanding that hoseob is new to this. Hoseob has been shown constantly that he just going along with things despite not exactly liking it/wanting that. Ie the whole partnership misunderstanding going with whatever relationship they had, rather than the romantic relationship he wanted. And we know he's pushing himself more than he seems to want it right now because we can see what he's thinking. Hoseob seems to have trouble knowing when to stop the play with the safe-word which isn't an uncommon thing with people new to BDSM. The top should be taking that way more into consideration especially since Hoseob is his romantic partner (giving hoseob more fall point to think if he wants to continue). From my understanding , it seems that he treats hoseob more like an Viet that knows exactly what type of play their doing and when they'll want to stop. Hoseob is trying something new each time and doesn't have the experience to know when he's being pushed too far.
From my experiences with BDSM there's a wide variety of plays and ways people like to act and roleplay. I think people can put real life experiences and even try to work things out with BDSM if that's what they want, everyone is different. What is important is that they have clear communication and consent of what you're doing and both have an enjoy experience. Obviously it fiction so it's not gonna follow every BDSM rule to a point for plot. Although I think we are babying the bottom a bit since we have his point of view. He should be able to communicate his thoughts but he very enough doesn't and since the top can't read his mind and we don't know what the top is thinking during these times things get messy (mainly for plot). He's also have been enjoying his time so far (up untill this point ┗( T﹏T )┛) which is the main goal.
Overall to me this isn't a toxic BDSM manhwa more like a realistic struggle with BDSM romantic relationship but if continued it could lean to toxic (￣∇￣").
I hope you liked my Ted talk if read to the end (づ￣ ³￣)づ