Do BI people really switch easily? I thought that was just a distasteful rumor. It implies BI people can't build emotional attachments. Though i guess if it's just the reality then that's a whole other thing... I can understand where the idea comes from as they have twice the candidates to choose from so the possibility of them dabbling a lot is a possibility, but i imagine that they build emotional attachment just as easily as anyone else?
As a (well a bit more than) bi person, I can say that I we also build emotional attachments and we also get hurt if someone were to cheat on us... I personally couldn't cheat nor switch partners easily bc I need some time to get over my ex. So yeah...heteros always seem to be scared that bi people are attracted to everyone who walks by but that's not the case at all. I mean it is true that the target group is bigger but that doesn't have an influence on how deeply someone falls in love...
Hope I could express myself...I can't english today ^^'
This^ is how i figured it was. I'm gay and a lot of straight dudes assume i'm into them or any other guy that walks by, which really just isn't the case. Though usually simply talking with them and telling them i'm not will suffice, it's not like it's this huge problem for me, it's just something i've noticed. I get a lot of "curious questions", is what i call them. "how do you know you're gay?", because i look at guys in the way you look at girls. "are you into me?", i'm not interested in just any guy with a penis. **i'll tell them if i think they're attractive. Surprisingly, straight guys don't tend to mind if you word it politely. Just don't make it seem like you want to fuck right there, say it like you're commenting on a work of art or something. Neutral tone. Who doesn't appreciate feeling handsome?** Questions like that.
Just wanted to mention that the idea of "twice the candidates" isn't really the case in reality because of one main point: On average, people don't believe in bisexuality. When someone mentions they are bi, a lot of the times people assume they are "really" gay or straight and just taking on the title (mostly to sleep around with whatever walks). For instance, take this manga: The Uke refused to get fully attached because the seme was bi and assumed that "eventually" he would go back to girls in a "he was really straight the whole time" mentality. And that's the problem most bi folks have. Bi men are assumed gay by straight men and women and straight or in denial about being gay by gay men. And lesbians are assumed straight but experimenting regardless. Bottom line, bi folks aren't trusted so the amount of folks they can be with is significantly less than people think (especially when looking for something long-term).
The interesting thing I find is that straight and gay men SEEM to cheat more, mostly out of the culture they build around themselves. I'm not basing this idea on actually study (to be transparent), but I have had and listened to sooo many discussions about how it's harder, especially for gay men, to have lasting partners given the fling-heavy nature of gay culture. But I'm always open to being corrected in this. :)
(Also, I'm transmale and bi, for the sake of perspective)
I can see what you mean, though i have trouble believing people don't believe in bisexuality what-with it being one of the 3 sexualities scientifically acknowledged and that being such a widely spread fact. The majority must've decided at some point that it's a thing. Personally i've never really run into anyone who actually denies bisexuality, but i have ran into people who say that BI people PREFER one or the other, which i disagree with as i don't see any reason a BI person can't equally be attracted to both sexes as that's literally the premise behind bisexuality. I feel like what you described is a trope, i don't actually experience it in reality. I mean, i'm sure there're SOME people who think that way as there are with anything else, but as i said, the majority decided at some point that bisexuality is a thing. As far as cheating, i'm not really sure, tbh. I know that gay men or more into hooking up, but if hooking up is so prevalent in gay culture i don't see how cheating would be running rampant. I mean, it'd make it EASIER to cheat, but why cheat in that case? You KNOW you can hook up and clearly you aren't really wanting your bf. Breakup and participate in the hook ups. Though i'm sure it's case sensitive. I'm sure there is some guy out there who wont break up with his "bf" because he's hot and wants to be able to fuck him, but will cheat because he's not really interested in the guy as a person. Sleezebags exist.
Bi/Gay/Lesbian are all humans. Everyone of them can form an emotional connection with their partner unless they aren't actually interested in them. Just like in straight couples. Only thing that worries me at times being a bi is whether to reveal my sexuality to my partner in the very early stages of realationship or not. Once the topic of bisexuality came up while talking to my then partner, he was like 'hypothetically speaking if my gf was bi, I wouldn't mind her sleeping with girls as long as she doesn't cheat on me with a guy'. That statement alone hurt me in ways and made me lose my trust in him. Also, I have heard my straight friends talking about bisexuality like it is 'kink'. In such a situation, how am to trust if my partner is being with me bc s/he is interested in me and not my sexuality as a kink? I don't think I have double the choices here!
I think it's better to just straight out show who you are and what comes with dating you. If your partner is not ok with that, you can move on to someone better bc in the end, if you told him/her something after two years of dating and s/he is not ok with that, you'll only end up a lot more hurt than you would have if you told them right away. And if your partner accepts you the way you are, then you can live happily with them without any secrets weighing down on you c:
So you don't have to be scared to reveal your sexuality bc they will either accept it or not. And if not, you can end things without getting hurt too much.
Just my opinion though.
I agree with this^. Honestly, imo it makes no sense to deceive someone you're planning to be with. @Ochako: As far as your ex, it sounds to me like your ex had just never been faced with the situation before. That line of thinking he had is very common because the guy is thinking with his dick. A lot of guys are attracted to the thought of two of a thing they like together, it's a sexual fantasy. What they don't realize is that fantasies are just that, reality doesn't work out that way. It's not just this best-scenario where you sleep with her and come back to him refreshed with no issues ever, it's a risk each time. You sleep with someone usually because you find them attractive and if they decide they want you, they'll try and woo you. In his head he didn't have to worry about you being with other chicks because he doesn't have to compete with them, he probably just didn't register that a woman could steal you away from him. In his head he's just like "that's hot", he doesn't realize that emotions could spring forward from the sex or she could woo you away from him. Once that realization hits is when they start to properly get jealous. Guys think with their dicks a lot more than we like to admit... As far as Bisexuality being a kink, i find that if i talk to people who have a misunderstanding of my sexuality and calmly explain the reality, they tend to understand. The ones who're confrontational when you try to put yourself out there and explain aren't worth your time. Honestly, when i do this i'm usually pretty successful. People just don't realize, you have to explain or, in their curiosity, they might accidentally say something offensive. If you hear someone say "imo, i think Bisexuality is a kink", say "as a bisexual i can confirm that i've always been like this, it's inherent. That's like me saying i think being straight is a kink".
different people are different. Just as straight people don't all form relationships and/or emotional attachments in the same way, neither do gay/bi/ace/etc people
I think in manga it's more than the uke or seme deciding that the person is straight, after all. Not saying that that isn't a big part of it. But Japanese culture is conformist. Gay marriage is still illegal in most of the country I believe. Which is why most of the characters in BL manga talk about adoption rather than marriage (I mean, I know these stories are fictional but it's quite a regular theme in these stories that there must be at least some veracity to it... no?). It would make sense then that even if you didn't think your bi partner was actually straight that you would assume your partner would eventually get married to fulfill their familial 'duty'. At least that's what I see when I read these stories.
Btw, I'm Ace and Librafeminine.
Ah yes! I forgot about that dynamic and that is very much something to take into consideration. Of course that also increases the idea of bisexuals always leaving their partner for the "other side" when they're in a homosexual relationship - in the context of Japanese culture. Which, I suppose in turn makes this idea appear all the more in BL manga and means I probably won't stop sighing for quite some time about it.
I am bi am have been with my partner for the past 4 years. If someone could switch that quickly out of a relationship they might not know what they want. Just because we like both genders does not mean that we can act like that. It works like any other relationship. We can build attachments like another human being. This is my own opinion others might have a different one. I hope this will help you understand a little bit more.
Thank you :^)
Your welcome(๑•ㅂ•)و✧
Wow! I read it all and wow....the feedback was interesting.
Now I hope no one gets mad....because we are all entitled to our opinions. But, I was thought being bi was being curious. I always thought what did ppl get out of being bi....it’s either you’re straight or you’re not. So I was very I guess at odds....and then comes pan-sexual. But, idk.....it’s all confusing for me.....but the good thing is I learn something new everyday. So this somewhat gave me an insight.
I want to clarify something. Being Bisexual is a specific thing, it means you're sexually attracted to both sexes. There is a set definition, no one is allowed an opinion on what the already defined definition of something factually is. I'm all for having opinions, but for you to say "bi is being curious." and "you're straight or you're not" is just factually incorrect. There're 3 acknowledged sexualities that you'll even find in schoolbooks, straight, gay and bi. There has just been an increase in progressivism that has been throwing all sorts of things in. Being bisexual is and has been a thing for a long time now, denying that is choosing to be ignorant as you're literally just denying something that just factually is there.
wow that made me so emo