i don't think of this story necessarily as a "romance/BL." yes, Skylar and Cirrus's romance is important-- integral even-- but that's the wrong way to think about it. as the author said, it's a coming of age story. it is a character analysis of two deeply hurt and ill boy who grow to love each other even (in spite of or because? idk) with their fucked up beginning. it is a story with high highs and lows that reach into the depth of hell because that is exactly how it feels when you are carrying the chains of your past/haunted by your past yet also falling deeply in love and doing it wrong. they are codependent and borderline unhealthy for each other but they also understand each other in a way no one else can (which is why they can hurt each other like no one else)
LONG ASS YAP
Skylar carries PTSD from his middle school years. his parents got divorced (twin) which is inherent instability. then he starts hanging out with the wrong crowd because of his childhood friend and peer pressure. his mom, who is understandably stressed, continuously yells at him and they constantly have verbal fights which, as a teenager, is stressful and not fun. and of course, he kisses his childhood friend while he's passed out (i'll play devil's advocate rq, it kinda is sexual assault). then his childhood friend sexually assaults him and encourages others to physically assault him (it is also insinuated he spread the rumors about Skylar being gay)! (fuck minwoo, all my homies hate minwoo) what gets me about him is, before his trauma and whenever he doesn't have to protect himself, he's just a normal kid! he has friends because he's a nice guy! he gets along with other students! he's got a personality under all that trauma. he's caring (even when he acts annoyed), persistent, passionate, observant, and introspective (realizing he was projecting onto Chan-il? mwah) (but also how could you not like Chan-il, HE'S SUCH A NICE GUY)
Other things i loved about Skylar: -i love how he talked about his sexuality on the ferris wheel. even though the story rarely said the word "gay," his queerness is treated realistically and with the weight it often carries in real life. yes it fucking sucks a lot of the time!!
-i loved how he stood up for himself and Cirrus but baby pls control your hands.
-i like how minwoo didn't come back. sometimes people hurt you and you never get closure and you have to find a way to continue
-did we ever find out what those pills were for lol?
Cirrus suffers from CPTSD, stemming from an unstable childhood, the abuse he faced from his father, unresolved grief concerning his mother, lack of attention and care from each of his caregivers, and sexual trauma from his teacher, an individual he trusted. all of that happened while he was still in elementary school. those years are the most important developmental years for a person so of course he ends up fucked up. pathological liar, violent, codependent, doesn't think about others' feelings, self-destructive, manipulative, possesiveness. one of the saddest parts to me is his self-awareness. if my memory serves me right, he apologized for everything (except the kiss in front of his stepmom) and continues to do so and not in a way that seems purposefully manipulative-- he seems genuinely sorry. but because of his heavy unresolved trauma, it is a loop he cannot break out of. he keeps lying and lashing out because that is all he knows how to do. yet, i don't think the narrative gives him a pass. at the end, they show him trying but there's no, "you have to forgive this guy because he's changing!" yes, he gets the guy, makes up with his friends, and gets to college but there's still that animosity between him and his family, he gets held back a year, we don't see him and Ri-in make up. i can imagine being around a person like him and my cortisol would have skyrocketed lol but i do like how he found happiness in the end (though i would love him to resolve his trauma) because even if you've done bad things, especially if you see the error of your ways and you're trying to improve, you deserve happiness :) (though i wouldn't be mad even if him and Skylar didn't end up together, as long as they both found their joy) (i don't want to give him the age excuse but also the whole story, i was thinking, "HES JUST A KID")
Other things i loved about Cirrus: -i LOVED the "it wasn't your fault" scene because it's so real. Cirrus is beating himself up about not knowing what "he was doing" (YOU WERE A BABY, BBY) and Skylar finally says the words he desperately needs to hear. and when he cried, i cried too lol. all those years of pain and keeping it inside came flooding out
-i appreciate how the author showed his sexual abuse. when he first wet himself in the classroom, that's when i was like, "oh..." (that's a real sign of child sexual abuse, in case anyone doesn't know). then they showed that panel and i was like "FUCK." it wasn't gratuitous (it shouldn't ever be) while also clearing up any ambiguity. it kind of reminded me of Mysterious Skin, a movie by Gregg Araki, and how it portrays child sexual abuse
-i kept calling him "Citrus" in my head cuz idk how to pronounce his name lol
Other things i enjoyed: -them actually having friends also makes this story better imo! a lot of yaoi, at least what i've read, doesn't give their characters real friends which sucks cuz usually those characters need a support system bad lmao. and their friends were so silly
-literally the bare minimum, but they didn't have sex while Skylar was drunk! consensual sex is awesome!!!
IN CONCLUSION, the story feels like something that could happen in real life because of its complexities and layers. i read this in like 12 hours so my thoughts are a little scattered but i love it immensely, i wonder if that's obvious. it still has its problems (i feel like a lot of comics suffer from that, even the really good ones idk) but in my opinion, they're miniscule compared to the ABSOLUTE PEAK ts was. i don't know if i'll ever find one that's as well-written as this. 10/10
Skylar and Cirrus PLEASE GO TO COUPLES THERAPY, IT WILL DO WONDERS
i don't think of this story necessarily as a "romance/BL." yes, Skylar and Cirrus's romance is important-- integral even-- but that's the wrong way to think about it. as the author said, it's a coming of age story. it is a character analysis of two deeply hurt and ill boy who grow to love each other even (in spite of or because? idk) with their fucked up beginning. it is a story with high highs and lows that reach into the depth of hell because that is exactly how it feels when you are carrying the chains of your past/haunted by your past yet also falling deeply in love and doing it wrong. they are codependent and borderline unhealthy for each other but they also understand each other in a way no one else can (which is why they can hurt each other like no one else)
LONG ASS YAP
Skylar carries PTSD from his middle school years. his parents got divorced (twin) which is inherent instability. then he starts hanging out with the wrong crowd because of his childhood friend and peer pressure. his mom, who is understandably stressed, continuously yells at him and they constantly have verbal fights which, as a teenager, is stressful and not fun. and of course, he kisses his childhood friend while he's passed out (i'll play devil's advocate rq, it kinda is sexual assault). then his childhood friend sexually assaults him and encourages others to physically assault him (it is also insinuated he spread the rumors about Skylar being gay)! (fuck minwoo, all my homies hate minwoo) what gets me about him is, before his trauma and whenever he doesn't have to protect himself, he's just a normal kid! he has friends because he's a nice guy! he gets along with other students! he's got a personality under all that trauma. he's caring (even when he acts annoyed), persistent, passionate, observant, and introspective (realizing he was projecting onto Chan-il? mwah) (but also how could you not like Chan-il, HE'S SUCH A NICE GUY)
Other things i loved about Skylar:
-i love how he talked about his sexuality on the ferris wheel. even though the story rarely said the word "gay," his queerness is treated realistically and with the weight it often carries in real life. yes it fucking sucks a lot of the time!!
-i loved how he stood up for himself and Cirrus but baby pls control your hands.
-i like how minwoo didn't come back. sometimes people hurt you and you never get closure and you have to find a way to continue
-did we ever find out what those pills were for lol?
Cirrus suffers from CPTSD, stemming from an unstable childhood, the abuse he faced from his father, unresolved grief concerning his mother, lack of attention and care from each of his caregivers, and sexual trauma from his teacher, an individual he trusted. all of that happened while he was still in elementary school. those years are the most important developmental years for a person so of course he ends up fucked up. pathological liar, violent, codependent, doesn't think about others' feelings, self-destructive, manipulative, possesiveness. one of the saddest parts to me is his self-awareness. if my memory serves me right, he apologized for everything (except the kiss in front of his stepmom) and continues to do so and not in a way that seems purposefully manipulative-- he seems genuinely sorry. but because of his heavy unresolved trauma, it is a loop he cannot break out of. he keeps lying and lashing out because that is all he knows how to do. yet, i don't think the narrative gives him a pass. at the end, they show him trying but there's no, "you have to forgive this guy because he's changing!" yes, he gets the guy, makes up with his friends, and gets to college but there's still that animosity between him and his family, he gets held back a year, we don't see him and Ri-in make up. i can imagine being around a person like him and my cortisol would have skyrocketed lol but i do like how he found happiness in the end (though i would love him to resolve his trauma) because even if you've done bad things, especially if you see the error of your ways and you're trying to improve, you deserve happiness :) (though i wouldn't be mad even if him and Skylar didn't end up together, as long as they both found their joy)
(i don't want to give him the age excuse but also the whole story, i was thinking, "HES JUST A KID")
Other things i loved about Cirrus:
-i LOVED the "it wasn't your fault" scene because it's so real. Cirrus is beating himself up about not knowing what "he was doing" (YOU WERE A BABY, BBY) and Skylar finally says the words he desperately needs to hear. and when he cried, i cried too lol. all those years of pain and keeping it inside came flooding out
-i appreciate how the author showed his sexual abuse. when he first wet himself in the classroom, that's when i was like, "oh..." (that's a real sign of child sexual abuse, in case anyone doesn't know). then they showed that panel and i was like "FUCK." it wasn't gratuitous (it shouldn't ever be) while also clearing up any ambiguity. it kind of reminded me of Mysterious Skin, a movie by Gregg Araki, and how it portrays child sexual abuse
-i kept calling him "Citrus" in my head cuz idk how to pronounce his name lol
Other things i enjoyed:
-them actually having friends also makes this story better imo! a lot of yaoi, at least what i've read, doesn't give their characters real friends which sucks cuz usually those characters need a support system bad lmao. and their friends were so silly
-literally the bare minimum, but they didn't have sex while Skylar was drunk! consensual sex is awesome!!!
IN CONCLUSION, the story feels like something that could happen in real life because of its complexities and layers. i read this in like 12 hours so my thoughts are a little scattered but i love it immensely, i wonder if that's obvious. it still has its problems (i feel like a lot of comics suffer from that, even the really good ones idk) but in my opinion, they're miniscule compared to the ABSOLUTE PEAK ts was. i don't know if i'll ever find one that's as well-written as this. 10/10
Skylar and Cirrus PLEASE GO TO COUPLES THERAPY, IT WILL DO WONDERS
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