I love good dynamics and relationships between siblings, especially sisters T-T
Man I've read some bad BLs, this isn't even the worst, but this makes me VIOLENT AAGH T-T
Anyway here's my review if anyone cares to why this sucks imo:
*Stopped at chap 28. Some spoilers* jfc, seeing all the comments gush about how cute and sweet these two guys are had me hopeful but i can't get past these chapters. Like, what the fuck?
In the case of Jaeyhuk, Garam is constantly getting dehumanized by his sex partner (ex. paraphrasing but "ew, you're a guy, cover your face while we have sex"). Especially, early on, he doesn't care about Garam's pleasure (go figure). Let the man jack off! Two, when Garam asks him to stop during sex, he doesn't. Not just once, but on multiple occasions!! Sure, during midterms, he bought Garam a new computer and apologized for breaking it, but did he ever apologize for forcing himself onto him, making him hit his head, and not listening when he was asked to stop? No. Those are the real problem and they're fucking nasty. Jaehyuk is a sex addicted freak who doesn't see his sex partner as an equal, but rather an object to help him get off. He was constantly pushing his boundaries and ignoring his needs and GARAM I'M MAD AT YOU TOO. For Garam to continue having sex with him just 'cause he has a big dick makes me violent (extra points since I AM GAY TOO. BITCH WHAT ARE YOU DOING, STAND UP). Sex is not the end all be all as a man in your 20s, you will find someone else with a big dick (or you could even get an 9" toy if that's what you need!!)
Underneath their disagreements and clash of personalities is something more dire if they wanted their relationship to work: Jaehyuk is homophobic and Garam is straight. There is no way for the relationship to work since, speaking to Garam, YOUR MAN DOES NOT RESPECT YOU. First of all, as a gay person, it is insane to have such little dignity to sleep with a homophobic person. To do that, your self-respect has to be fucking non-existent. They detest your entire existence. He continuously calls him a "perverted homo" or "gay prick" (bitch your fucking him, POT MEET KETTLE) even after they fuck. I was looking forward to Jaehyuk's character development, but I don't see how the author could even if "He's had his queer awakening now and is no longer homophobic!" since I find it unlikely my 1st and 2nd points will ever get addressed or fixed (they never do, it's BL).
One more thing, rhetoric I hate in BL (and smut in general), but just because someone is hard or wet does not mean they "want it." When experiencing sexual stimulation, it is a natural reaction for someone to get hard or wet; it does not mean they like it. Hearing Jaehyuk be like, "But your dick is hard, so even though you're saying no, obviously you like it!" had me wanting to strangle him. To be a bit more serious for a second, this rhetoric has real world harm where survivors of sexual assault legitimately have trouble thinking of their assault as assault because they hear, "If you get hard (or are wet), that means you wanted it!" Fuck that.
Ultimately, I'm aware 28 chapters isn't a lot out of the (at the time of writing) 74 chapters available, but it is abundantly clear the foundation of this comic is shit. It's so bad. At times, Jaehyuk was funny, he made me giggle. And Garam was cool, minus the complete lack of self-respect. But there are so many good BLs, and manhwas in general, for me to read, I'm not wasting my time reading this anymore.
All valid points. Especially the real world harm about being hard or wet. It's a thing literal rapists say to their victims and I always think it's disgusting to hear. Honestly Jaehyuk doesn't improve for ages. He does realise he genuinely likes garam but the homophobia is still there underneath. I can imagine it being realistic for someone brought up to think this way. Obviously.not condoning his behaviour in any way, he's an ass. He seems to only want garam back because he can't get hard for anyone else despite trying! That bit always pissed me off.
I get why you dropped. It gets better but there's still plenty for them to unpack as a couple. I personally think Jaehyuk liked Garam from very early in the story and the cognitive dissonance of this guy with overt and internalised homophobia falling in love with a man, is an interesting concept to explore.
Omg I just read the next chaps after 28, do not read, you will hate it! Stick to your drop!!
I agree with you, I believe Jaehyuk liked Garam from very early on, but he could never admit it to himself. I mean, he went through an entire day, and all he could think about was Garam. Sure his personality was trash, but he gets better especially after he realises he has genuine feelings for Garam and not just simply sexual feelings.
Exploring internalized homophobia would be so cool since so many gay people experience it but this just ain't the way to do it imo T-T
I will, ty
At the end of the day this is story by a woman for women. This is why it is written like this and it won’t change anytime soon in this genre. The plot is just a vehicle for porn at the end of the day. So expecting actual thought and realism to go into the plot’s delivery is fully dependent if the author respects their audience enough to want to deliver such an experience.
I feel you but Jaehuyk is portrayed at first as an immature, ignorant, selfish and pretentious brat so why are you expecting an exemplary behavior from such a character? It's not like the author fooled us. It was right in front of our eyes from the very first panels. The way he carried himself, the way he talked to his friends...etc. Garam saw it right away and that's why he didn't like him at all, rightfully so. Even the big dick excuse doesn't really make sense. At that time, he hated Jaehuyk so much even the dick shouldn't have convinced him to let go and fuck with him. I don't know why the author rushed their bonding that way tbh. Still, both characters have their flaws and it's their interaction on the long run that is supposed to trigger some positive outcome. Jaehuyk growing the F up and learning how to respect and love while Garam will slowly heal from his past relationship trauma. It's this evolution that makes the storyline interesting. Jaehuyk's behavior was disturbing and unacceptable multiple times but each time Garam confronted him about it. He's not not a passive character and that's refreshing
I do share this opinion. He was in total denial at first. His obsession was mainly motivated by him liking Garam rather than just sex. The perfect illustration of this was the fact he kept calling Garam ugly and criticizing him constantly while mentioning him to his friends. Fast forward to the latest Chapters, we have more insights into Jaehuyk's initial feelings: he never truly believed Garam was ugly. Quite the opposite. As a matter of the fact, he doesn't even remember himself talking badly about Garam when his (girl) friend confronted him about it. He is even shocked by her words lol
no, you're completely right, it's just disappointing :')
i don't think of this story necessarily as a "romance/BL." yes, Skylar and Cirrus's romance is important-- integral even-- but that's the wrong way to think about it. as the author said, it's a coming of age story. it is a character analysis of two deeply hurt and ill boy who grow to love each other even (in spite of or because? idk) with their fucked up beginning. it is a story with high highs and lows that reach into the depth of hell because that is exactly how it feels when you are carrying the chains of your past/haunted by your past yet also falling deeply in love and doing it wrong. they are codependent and borderline unhealthy for each other but they also understand each other in a way no one else can (which is why they can hurt each other like no one else)
LONG ASS YAP
Skylar carries PTSD from his middle school years. his parents got divorced (twin) which is inherent instability. then he starts hanging out with the wrong crowd because of his childhood friend and peer pressure. his mom, who is understandably stressed, continuously yells at him and they constantly have verbal fights which, as a teenager, is stressful and not fun. and of course, he kisses his childhood friend while he's passed out (i'll play devil's advocate rq, it kinda is sexual assault). then his childhood friend sexually assaults him and encourages others to physically assault him (it is also insinuated he spread the rumors about Skylar being gay)! (fuck minwoo, all my homies hate minwoo) what gets me about him is, before his trauma and whenever he doesn't have to protect himself, he's just a normal kid! he has friends because he's a nice guy! he gets along with other students! he's got a personality under all that trauma. he's caring (even when he acts annoyed), persistent, passionate, observant, and introspective (realizing he was projecting onto Chan-il? mwah) (but also how could you not like Chan-il, HE'S SUCH A NICE GUY)
Other things i loved about Skylar:
-i love how he talked about his sexuality on the ferris wheel. even though the story rarely said the word "gay," his queerness is treated realistically and with the weight it often carries in real life. yes it fucking sucks a lot of the time!!
-i loved how he stood up for himself and Cirrus but baby pls control your hands.
-i like how minwoo didn't come back. sometimes people hurt you and you never get closure and you have to find a way to continue
-did we ever find out what those pills were for lol?
Cirrus suffers from CPTSD, stemming from an unstable childhood, the abuse he faced from his father, unresolved grief concerning his mother, lack of attention and care from each of his caregivers, and sexual trauma from his teacher, an individual he trusted. all of that happened while he was still in elementary school. those years are the most important developmental years for a person so of course he ends up fucked up. pathological liar, violent, codependent, doesn't think about others' feelings, self-destructive, manipulative, possesiveness. one of the saddest parts to me is his self-awareness. if my memory serves me right, he apologized for everything (except the kiss in front of his stepmom) and continues to do so and not in a way that seems purposefully manipulative-- he seems genuinely sorry. but because of his heavy unresolved trauma, it is a loop he cannot break out of. he keeps lying and lashing out because that is all he knows how to do. yet, i don't think the narrative gives him a pass. at the end, they show him trying but there's no, "you have to forgive this guy because he's changing!" yes, he gets the guy, makes up with his friends, and gets to college but there's still that animosity between him and his family, he gets held back a year, we don't see him and Ri-in make up. i can imagine being around a person like him and my cortisol would have skyrocketed lol but i do like how he found happiness in the end (though i would love him to resolve his trauma) because even if you've done bad things, especially if you see the error of your ways and you're trying to improve, you deserve happiness :) (though i wouldn't be mad even if him and Skylar didn't end up together, as long as they both found their joy)
(i don't want to give him the age excuse but also the whole story, i was thinking, "HES JUST A KID")
Other things i loved about Cirrus:
-i LOVED the "it wasn't your fault" scene because it's so real. Cirrus is beating himself up about not knowing what "he was doing" (YOU WERE A BABY, BBY) and Skylar finally says the words he desperately needs to hear. and when he cried, i cried too lol. all those years of pain and keeping it inside came flooding out
-i appreciate how the author showed his sexual abuse. when he first wet himself in the classroom, that's when i was like, "oh..." (that's a real sign of child sexual abuse, in case anyone doesn't know). then they showed that panel and i was like "FUCK." it wasn't gratuitous (it shouldn't ever be) while also clearing up any ambiguity. it kind of reminded me of Mysterious Skin, a movie by Gregg Araki, and how it portrays child sexual abuse
-i kept calling him "Citrus" in my head cuz idk how to pronounce his name lol
Other things i enjoyed:
-them actually having friends also makes this story better imo! a lot of yaoi, at least what i've read, doesn't give their characters real friends which sucks cuz usually those characters need a support system bad lmao. and their friends were so silly
-literally the bare minimum, but they didn't have sex while Skylar was drunk! consensual sex is awesome!!!
IN CONCLUSION, the story feels like something that could happen in real life because of its complexities and layers. i read this in like 12 hours so my thoughts are a little scattered but i love it immensely, i wonder if that's obvious. it still has its problems (i feel like a lot of comics suffer from that, even the really good ones idk) but in my opinion, they're miniscule compared to the ABSOLUTE PEAK ts was. i don't know if i'll ever find one that's as well-written as this. 10/10
Skylar and Cirrus PLEASE GO TO COUPLES THERAPY, IT WILL DO WONDERS