Ifeedfishes's activites

I think Pornographer is genuinely a good read but after reading the entire trilogy, it just feels so empty, as many people have mentioned. I really adore Kijima's character but it feels like anyone beyond him is just a passing flash of light in his life even if he is more serious about Kuzumi, and it's mutual.

Besides, Kido's that weird cockroach who just won't die even after being relentlessly beaten, and so he lingers in Kijima's periphery, especially so when he is arguably his only friend. Knowing their history together, it just feels like something born out of the fact that they were both miserable flakes. I think Kuzumi has potential to be so much more but Kijima's lack of letting-go has kind of stunted it? Maybe that's just me, I really don't like Kido.

Kido's entire character feels like the trope of 'childhood friend who I had flings with and knew I was in love with him—he probably had mutual feelings as well but never did anything about it—went on to get married to a woman, then had a kid with her but still kind of has a weird attachment to me that neither of us can seem to forget', that's essentially what he is in the Pornographer trilogy, a phantom of the atrocious past. Kijima screamed at him that he was a cowardly selfish person in Indigo no Kibun at some point, which still stands. He is exactly that. Despite the fact he has a 'happy' family, it's basically implied if not outright portrayed that he still holds complicated feelings for Kijima which only pisses me off because it wasn't like he didn't have a chance with him. He blew his chances on a cheap marriage he probably doesn't even care for, given the fact that he seems to find marriage as a security that he believes is needed for 'stability' as if he cares.

Men like Kido are everywhere, secretly holding onto complicated feelings even if they shouldn't which only causes hurt to people around him when they find out. I hope his wife and his daughter live their best lives even if that irresponsible jerk is part of their family. Let him go, Kido. You've hurt him enough, you barely know what love is, you know only the comforts of conformity, living your life out as a leech of a man who has the average nuclear family in picture-perfect movie stills. You disgust me.

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