Asa's Questions (27)

Guys... At this point of time I feel like meeting someone from here is better than real life, at least we share some intrest

I just want to share this feeling somewhere, since I can't tell it my parents or anyone for that matter. I wanted to share it with you guys. Since no one knows me, it's perfect to tell this to you guys.

Lately I have this profound feeling of wanting to die, just to have my existence quietly erased.
Funny thing is that, I value life too. Just not mine. These thoughts weight me, this feeling of uselessness, of being a burden imy parents.
I have done everything, completed education, done exams and passed them on first try, got registrations. But I have been trying to get a job since 2 years, yes I can work locally, but I have worked hard, given exams and got registered in another country. But landing a job, damn... It's has been hard.
Others with little to nothing in their portfolio have gotten jobs, but why me? Why me?
My family has dysfunctional since my childhood, abusive dad and mom who loves me and her sole life revolves around me. He may have calmed down, but my relationship with my father is hard to explain. He is there, that's it, helps me financially, never asks what happened, never intrested in my life. He loves in his own way. My mom, on the other hand loves me too much, she had rough life, loved one but had to marry other who is way older and different from her. I love her and hate her too, and am guilty to hate her, and maybe love her more than I do.
My childhood has been tough, shouting, screamings, unable to properly mingle among others, too navie, too outright, too honest and too stupid.
Along the way, I started ignoring stuff, my feelings, my thoughts and my opinions.
My mother wanted me to be a doctor, she wanted to be of service to the society, she has a good and selfless heart, my mother who is naive and too good for this world. So I became a doctor. She wanted me pursue it internationally, another country. So I did that too, but now getting a job and waiting so long. Showing that I am not good enough, I can never be good enough for her. I don't have the body she wanted her child to have, I don't the character and cheerfulness she wanted, I don't have the enthusiasm she wanted. Too much like my father, she would say. With that sad face.
What good are you, other than studies.
Why can't you fall in love and get married.
Why don't you want to excercise.
Why aren't you getting a job yet.
Why don't you start working here then.
Why ? Why? Why?

The worst part, it breaks me everytime, she cries. Everytime I get angry and say something that hurts her.
I asked her one-time in a fit of anger. How come I can't speak to you as speak to me, don't you know it hurts me too. She said, she sacrificed her life, her everything for me, why can't I understand her. Where her words her coming from, no matter how brutal.
True.
But they hurt. And I am guilty for making her said, for making her cry and for making her anxious, and for making her have child that is not good enough.

Maybe, in another lifetime.

I was asked a question once, when I was in school by a friend, the same question she has been asking everyone, a silly one. "If you had a chance to wish for one thing, what would it be?"
I didn't answer it, but I know. I would wish I have never been born at all, to spare my mother of this agony, to spare my mother of this shackles of this relationship and marriage.
I ask the same question every year, the answer remained the same.

I wish she had a child who was successful, who was lovely, cheerful, bright, beautiful and smart, like her. Guess, I am too much like my father.

I wanted to fall in love, but I don't have the confidence that someone can love me.

I..I feel like...like a...I don't know, I can't explain this feeling, like something stuck in my heart and chest.

Too tired to live but too much of a coward to die.
I love life, I have seen many people die, their family begging to save them. It's too precious.

But I am simply too tired,...I want to be free, to feel the air, the nature and be one with it.

Sorry, to take up your time and if you made this far. Thankyou for listening my friend.

I guess I just wanted to say this to someone.
And I can only do it here, manga and fanfictions have been my escape since a long time. I read them to quiet down the noise of my everyday life.

Thanks guys(⌒▽⌒)

Can you guys please recommend me stories with enigmas, ABO verse.

Lately, manga storytelling feels like it’s declined in quality—no matter the genre, it often follows the same recycled plots. Finding something truly unique now feels like searching for a diamond in a pile of stones.

Can someone recommend me BL's with plot like Turning or let's go together or An unsettling scent.
Pleaseeeeeee （/TДT)/

Hi guys, I need help in finding an anime.
It's pretty old
Has this sci-fi and supernatural vibe.
People live in spheres where they can live only and and academy or some sort where the ML goes, he comes from out.
His group has lot of girls, blond short haired girl is some sort of leader I believe, she even appears in the opening song twirling a pen.
There is this long white hair girl with power that deals with flower petals like sakura and comes from a high level family and has a big brother.
A mask that talks and possesses people and sticks to their face, I believe it happens to the blond short haired girl.
And there is this girl who is a childhood friends with ML that we see boys of and comes in the end and has sword inside her.
ML also is unique person and is strong.
Also I think the sphere moves???

It's pretty old like 10-15 years ago, used to air in animax. Saw it as a child bit forgot it's name
It's been bugging me since a long time and I can't find it.
Please help me ╥﹏╥

I can't find this manga here -

The End of Unrequited Love

Does anyone know the alternative title or name to this manhwa.
The FL is aria with blue hair and ML is crown prince with blond hair and red eyes

So I remember seeing a insta post of a manwha.
FL gives ML msg and he becomes addicted to it, I think?

And I think she is red haired and ml is crown prince? He crashes her wedding with a blonde man, he walks over people to go near her.

I don't know if they are different or same stories, please let me (≧∀≦)

I want stories that make me want to cry.
Sob uncontrollably.
Please give me your favヾ(❀╹◡╹)ﾉ~

I feel like ,"Junjou Romantica",was everyone’s BL awakening. (⌒▽⌒)
I picked it up without knowing it was a BL manga—mostly because the MC’s name was Misaki. Somewhere halfway through, reality quietly tapped me on the shoulder and I realized what I was actually reading.
At that age, I couldn’t even comprehend that kind of relationship. I didn’t know it existed at all—I was only 12. It startled me enough that I stopped reading manga for a while.
But curiosity has always been my greatest weakness. I went back, kept reading… and well, here we are now.
The horrors and wonders I’ve witnessed since then.
I still miss the old-school stories. Newer ones are good, but many follow similar patterns. Even so, I’ve stumbled across so many genuine masterpieces along the way.
Just felt like sharing a little piece of that journey.
( My first ever manga was Kaichou wa maid sama)(≧∀≦)