I need to put this date in the calendar as a holiday named SAGE. You blessed us thank you
204
Heejae, I hope your pond will become deeper enough to finally launch at least one Garam fish there.
People around them keep saying that Garam became colder. But it seems to me that Garam matured and found support in himself and his music. Only Heejae tells him that he gets prettier and prettier. It's not the first time. Maybe it's just his dirty talk but I guess Heejae sees that he got stronger and confident like a musician. And he really proud of him so much
Hatred is seductive. It wraps itself in the guise of strength, offering a false sense of security to those who feel powerless. In general, hatred is a defensive reaction of the psyche—a brittle armor donned to protect a wound too tender to touch. Compton’s hatred shields something far more fragile: pure affection, love, and the desperate desire to be significant. That colossal core, overgrown with a shell of rage and contempt, becomes both his engine and his poison. It fuels his every move forward, yet it slowly poisons him to the very end.
Compton has built an empire on this hatred. All the praise from others, no matter how lavish, cannot compare to the praise of that one person who belongs to that primal core. Every accolade from the outside feels wrong, not quite right, because it misses the mark of the only approval that ever mattered.
Compton wanted to leave his teacher, but deep down, he longed for his return. In chasing escape, he became a mirror image of the man he resents. Your sincere desire, once upon a time, was to become worthy of him.
Now, Compton sees Garam as an extension of the teacher—the closest person to him, the living echo of that unresolved relationship. He wants from Garam exactly what he wanted from his teacher: recognition, understanding, validation. He surrounds himself with the adoration of orchestra members and basks in superficial devotion, but none of it satisfies the hunger at his core. Garam is not merely a comrade; he has become a glimmer of light in the black hole in Compton’s chest. Compton craves Garam’s acknowledgment as the one person who can truly comprehend his predicament. You grab him because Garam’s sound reminded you that your hatred is nothing more than a facade, and the sacred image of the teacher and his first protege will forever remain in your memories full of flowers. You don’t want to face the truth. You’ve buried it so deeply that you can’t admit it to yourself.
Garam is the priest you can confess to. He is the shepherd who drives the hapless sheep toward enlightenment, toward the music of the divine. He is the judge who stands ready to forgive you and take you back—even for the crime of betraying music itself.
Compton, you are a sheep in wolf’s clothing. Beneath the snarl and the commanding presence is a timid child abandoned by his parent. You are a young dreamer who still wants a pat on the head from his mentor. You want to become worthy. Your hatred is all-consuming, yes, but it is also self-consuming. It burns bright and hot, yet leaves only ashes in its wake.
So, did love win? Love did not triumph in grand gestures or reconciliations. But it survived—hidden, buried, warped—inside the very hatred that sought to annihilate it. Love is the reason Compton still cares about recognition. Love is why Garam’s opinion cuts so important. Love is the ghost that haunts every angry note his orchestra plays. Hatred may have built the fortress, but love is the prisoner inside—and that prisoner has never stopped hoping. And at least, love is the music. I will never stop reminding you of the teacher's words to Heejae: only a heart full of love can create good music
I want to finish with one phrase, because I think she is very suitable: «If you didn’t have a bike as a child, and then you grew up and bought one yourself, you still didn’t have a bike as a child».
No achievement, no revenge, no orchestra, no applause can rewrite the past. Compton can conquer the world, but he cannot conquer the absence of what he never received. He can achive his acknowledge, but the child inside him will always remember the cold heart.
And that child—not the shepherd, not the conductor, not the warrior—is the one who still waits for a nod, a word, a hand on the shoulder. Until he learns to give that to himself, hatred will remain his professor, and love will remain his unspoken prayer. He needs peace. He needs his field of flowers.
- 190
For Heejae and Garam, Rachmaninov's concert is their story of love and feelings. For Compton - It's a slaughter.
Oh man, do you really still putting music on pedestal above everything else in the world? You're drunk on love and you're not even trying to hide it! Untitled 2 played throughout the day (chapter 186). From the very beginning. From the long sleep in familiar place, the awakening, the morning conversation, the touching hands in the museum where Garam's long journey began and which Heeje introduced him to. His embrace, his intimacy, and, ultimately, his complex and overwhelming love. Heejae's feelings took over and dominated his music.
We were shown Garam's ecstasy, how he was overwhelmed by playing with the orchestra. After all, at that moment, everyone wants to achieve the same goal—to reach heavenly music. We were shown Garam literally laid Heejae’s soul bare without even realizing it. All his feelings were on display, but only the two of them could understand it. Garam, surrounded by his feelings for Heeje. His anger, his storm, his confusion. This untamed ocean, which held within itself years of grief and loss, is covered with a blanket of vines and lotuses. They take root in this ocean, go deeper, touching his very core and soothing it.
This is no longer just a concert - it's their story.
Heejae's composition exudes tenderness and envelops him in calm happiness, like lotuses that Garam has nurtured within his soul. It is the purest declaration of love. Garam is his calm, his peace, his warmth, his home. This is the haven where his music now blossoms, so tender and delicate.
They shared one soul in two. One so kind and accepting the storm to calm it, and the other so unbridled, allowing itself to be tamed and letting someone in.
182
Heejae you are so hungry and charming. Sloppy and homely. I like the emphasis on the gentle warmth that Garam feels. These panels echo those when Heejae admitted that he wanted to pamper Garam.
From heart to heart. With these hands, he writes music for you with all his heart and then hugs you greedily.
I want to stay in this moment.
And I also really like all the panels with Compton and sheep. It's always done so brilliantly (like everything else haha)
179 just thoughts
It seems to me that there is a lot of deep loneliness and loss in Comptom's words. He considers his colleagues a herd that will lead them to a light. Does he see this light himself? His passion is like a small flashlight in a huge dark ocean of rage and desire to be heard.
Bastard Jae will never change. And I hate that, like Garam, I want to continue to see only his good side.
177 It seems to me that this chapter dictated the main difference between the attitude of Compton and Garam.«MY PIANO IS NOT HATRED FOR WHAT CAUSED ME PAIN» Compton's piano hates its pain.
Then just thoughts:
I like that Garam’s music is imbued with love for Heejae. Garam was the only one who didn't listen to Heejae's advice. He alone carried his purity through his vague rage. He tried to hate like everyone else, but he couldn't. Good music is born from a heart filled with love. Garam had always loved. Tenderly, inexperiencedly, but he loved. He sought comfort and embrace. And in the end Garam saw a lonely man who deep down yearned for spiritual intimacy but feared it.
175 To be honest, I can't hate Compton. He's like that because Heejae made him like that. I'm sure that the fact that he's sick of just sitting at the piano, his behavior is dictated by his resentment and deep trauma. When I see him, I just want to hug him like Heejae and say that everything is over. You need to stop and give yourself a break. You're not a stone and it hurts you.
Yes, he does bad things, but have we really forgotten how Heejae behaved? He insult Garam. He scared him and brought him to tears. The fact that Garam went through all this, kept the music in his heart and got to Heejae's heart - it's really incredible.
I guess there will be a lot of dislikes haha
175 Well It was expected and right in fact - to replace the conductor. In that case, will we hear new notes in Garam's music? Will Compton notice it and what will he feel? The counterbalance to hatred is love, but in Garam's music, on the contrary, there will be more longing. Compton will be wrong again. Or vice versa, it will be more saturated and Compton will believe that it's all thanks to him, but at the same time Garam will long with love. And what about Heejae, I guess it will be the first performance not for him. So many questions i like it
174 Heejae is really ready to betray his conviction that a musician should belong only to music and sacrifice his own. And all for the sake of his lover.
hi eurydoomfs! if i made a discord server would people join? i’d love to talk to everyone about this manwha its just so brilliant and everyone here is so funny
171 I really love kitten Valter. He just calls you on facetime to say that you did a great job. I like that the frightening primary image turned out to be a very timid and loving young man
Garam, you are the most precious flower and the most beloved. What a huge path has been traveled since he tell you in your face that you are nothing, and now this same person like a lost child tries to make breakfast, wash the dishes, hug and feel your warmth next to you.
These chapters were like fresh air,
thank you for the translation
I love the way they are just learning to love each other, even tho already 3 years passed by. Heejae grow up so well, Imma tear up
165 I'M GIGGLING AND BLUSHING SO NERVOUSLY. Finally, Heejae said that he wanted to show tenderness in their intimacy. He wants to be gentler. I like it so much how they still exploring their bodies
164 I'm interested in Heejae's words that Garam "handle it" also refer us to the words of his teacher early "good music comes from the heart capable of love"? Well, It turns out that Garam’s heart was overflowing with love from the beginning
And again Chopin. At the peak of pleasure and at the peak of despair - fear of loneliness.
It feels like I'm about to vomit blood