Hi Mameiha, I've followed you before because I've noticed that what you've said usually answers my questions. Naturally speaking, one of the most significant and annoying questions being "yaoi rape". I can now think clearly about all of this without constantly rattling my brain and whatnot...
It's really hilarious in all honesty, because every time I read the comments, I see many immature comments from which I relate to and laugh at, practically because I'm underage (14). And I've long figured out that I'm not supposed to be on this website, let alone the fandom. I also see myself as a hypocrite and indecisive, because most of the time I don't want to stay on a specific side of an argument, and would rather not argue with most people because it's not worth the time and is a waste of energy.
Thank you for taking the time to write your insights, thoughts and opinions on this website.
Jesus Christ on crutches! I just found a question from a 17 year old asking if masturbation will lead to dating and having sex! Thank God for them internets! ROFLMAO
Hi Mameiha Thank you for the follow back :) I really like your rants and comments. They are truly interesting and insightful to read. I like to read discussions and comments from different people from different countries raised in different backgrounds. I learn from them and sometimes get involved too. I hope you continue to rant/comment without any restrictions because I feel you are what an older sister would be if I had any and you set a good example of how people should approach Yaoi as it should be, a fantasy source of entertainment and fiction.
Thank you, Miyu. If I were an older sister, I would hope my younger sibling was someone like you. I admit I do rant a bit (lol) but I try to contain my bitching to my own page. LOL So, please feel free to read my brain vomit and tell me what you think. I love hearing views that differ from my own and I'm happy to debate, discuss or give my best free advice on any subject. I'm also happy to chat through the mail here.
Thank you, Miyu. If I were an older sister, I would hope my younger sibling was someone like you. I admit I do rant a bit (lol) but I try to contain my bitching to my own page. LOL So, please feel free to read ... Mameiha
Sure Big Sis I would love to chat with you ٩(๑❛ᴗ❛๑)۶
I have to wonder why people who bitch about "rape" in yaoi bother to read it at all. I've read nearly 2200 yaoi and shounen ai manga and I can think of less than two dozen that don't contain some form of "rape" or ravishment. That's 1%!! Of those two dozen, most are shounen ai. I'm sincerely beginning to think that those who are upset about "rape" in their manga are not upset about the "rape" as much as they are upset at the fact that when they read "rape" in their manga, it turns them on a little and they have been conditioned to believe that that response is somehow "wrong". If I read about something repulsive, or even mildly disagreeable to me, in a genre, I don't bother reading that genre. For instance, I don't like a female POV in my manga, nor do I like "sappy", overdone, love stories. Therefore, I don't read shoujo, josei or even yuri. Which also means I don't find myself bitching about what I dislike in shoujo manga comment sections. Imagine that, huh? I truly believe that all the bitching in yaoi comment sections is somehow meant to assuage the guilt these people feel for enjoying a scenario that is supposed to be repulsive and forbidden. Maybe they should take a tip from yaoi characters and "be a little more honest with themselves" rather than playing like a tsundere and screaming complaints while secretly fapping to the scenes. If it's hot, it's hot. Accept yourself, you'll feel better.
Lol, i know right.. And on was complaining about how rape is disgusting.. Like ok sure.. Rape is disgusting .. But people should know who read is that this is fiction.. This doesnt apply anything in real life or is anyone trying to potray it as ok.. LIKE OMG ITS OBVIOUS THAT RAPE IS NOT OK!! but like my point is that its for ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSE and its goal is to arouse and satisfy the audience but people are btiching about it.. Lol ok people have different mindset , likings, and fetishes but dude its just FICTION, nothing worth working out about here
Lol, i know right.. And on was complaining about how rape is disgusting.. Like ok sure.. Rape is disgusting .. But people should know who read is that this is fiction.. This doesnt apply anything in real life o... GIGOLO
Thank you for taking the time to read my personal mind vomit. LOL If I don't vent here I find it hard to keep my opinions out of the comments and I make enemies. Not that I care if I have enemies who are 12, but they are troublesome and take up precious yaoi reading time. Hahaha.
I'm not someone who would condone real life rape since I am a rape survivor myself. However, I am old enough and experienced enough in life to understand its allure in erotic fiction and pornography. As you said, it's just fiction... No ukes were harmed in the making of this manga. I hate seeing yaoi, or any manga, become a political soapbox for children who haven't even "cut their mommy's apron strings" yet. This (yaoi) is my fantasy world, my escape from a harsh reality. I want it to remain untouched by politics and idiots.
Thanks again for reading my tirade(s). Your comment and support made my day.
Thank you for taking the time to read my personal mind vomit. LOL If I don't vent here I find it hard to keep my opinions out of the comments and I make enemies. Not that I care if I have enemies who are 12, bu... Mameiha
yeah ikr, and i am 15 btw but im so glad that i was raised by mother properly and taught me to be open-minded..
yeah ikr, and i am 15 btw but im so glad that i was raised by mother properly and taught me to be open-minded.. GIGOLO
Please forgive me if my age related comments offended you. That was never my intention. I'd have never guessed your age to be so young. Your mother should be very proud of you. She raised a smart, mature and well spoken child. You're a rare commodity on the internet. LOL I'm happy to have met you and had the chance to talk.
Please forgive me if my age related comments offended you. That was never my intention. I'd have never guessed your age to be so young. Your mother should be very proud of you. She raised a smart, mature and we... Mameiha
of course, the age really didnt matter to me , i just wanted to say that because i just think that a lot of kids at my age should be open minded about things , and is welcome to change, i just think that a lot of kids at my age are serious,negative thinkers,close minded (like very) , and take things so personally, and maybe that is the reason why i get made fun of a lot because of my MORALS but sometimes i want to stuck it in their faces that they are not always right.. and im happy too that i got a chance to talk to you but i am actually uncomfortable of what i should call you.. if i should call you ''maam''... but i dont think thats really a things in america.. because i live in the philippines so i am kinda uncomortable because i feel like im disrespecting you.. uhm should i call you 'maam''?
of course, the age really didnt matter to me , i just wanted to say that because i just think that a lot of kids at my age should be open minded about things , and is welcome to change, i just think that a lot ... GIGOLO
LOL Just call me Krissanne. No need for titles and honorifics because we are friends. What you said about young people your age is very true. Their minds seem open only to certain subjects and shut tightly to others. That, I think, comes from having little experience outside of what they are told by parents or the internet. Real life is not black and white and it is unforgiving. So, to survive, we must be able to see in shades of gray and forgive ourselves and others where life won't. Those that can't do those things end up in a constant battle that will eventually wear them down to bones. As for morals, I've done too many "immoral" things in my life to pass judgement on anyone. LOL I think most people have done at least one "immoral" thing in their lives, whether it is a thought or action, which invalidates any judgement they might pass. Were human, which means two things are guaranteed for us... We'll die and we'll screw up big time at least once. Being a "good" person is more important than being a "moral" person in my book. Being "good" is easy, you just try not to hurt anyone who hasn't hurt you first and when someone does hurt you, try to understand them even if you can't forgive them.
LOL Just call me Krissanne. No need for titles and honorifics because we are friends. What you said about young people your age is very true. Their minds seem open only to certain subjects and shut tightly to o... Mameiha
thats actually really true.. thank you so much for teaching me new things again
I feel this so deeply. all that you said is pretty much how I feel. I get all pissed off when they complain "It's not rape, he enjoyed it"...like, I read yaoi with plenty of rape. I won't deny that. it's those that venimently defend it, even with a rape tag and all, still say it. like, can you not bring yourself to enjoy it if you admit it is rape?? Go earn a pair, and come back when you grow up. I mean, I've seen some people dissect it to each individual panel and each word, trying to convince up otherwise. they are like talking to a brick wall. the denial is that deep. my number is twice yours from the time I've been reading in twelve years. I agree, even then, maybe 5% are clean, good series. the rest all have some form of force. but I like them. and I avoid shoujo and yuri for the exact same reasons as you. they get annoying after so many. yaoi is fun and quite a bit more straight-forward.
I like your point of view in this Mameiha. But I also have to partially disagree. I for example like most genres. But as you so on the point said there are repulsive or mildly disagreeable things in every genre. Since one genre alone contains endless possibilities and every work of fiction within this genre contains different variations of those possibilities. That's why in my opinion the tags on mangago are a great help to show which possibilities are included in a work so that everyone can evade whatever they think of as repulsive. But since this is not everywhere and always the case you are sometimes surprised by a repulsive scene. A work of fiction can be great in general and you can love it dearly except for those few scenes that you feel repulsed of. I wouldn't stop reading or watching something I love only because it contains a few repulsive things. It's sometimes necessary for the plot, for character development or simply as a tool for awareness on a certain topic. Naturally if the for me personally repulsive content overweights the parts I love then I simply stop concerning myself with that work of fiction altogether. But well every person is different and feels different and has different opinions on this topic and that's alright. In the end it's what makes discussions interesting! (And I hope my bad english is at least understandable in any way) ε=ε=(ノ≧∇≦)ノ
LOL Just call me Krissanne. No need for titles and honorifics because we are friends. What you said about young people your age is very true. Their minds seem open only to certain subjects and shut tightly to o... Mameiha
Beautifully said (or rather written) and so on the point!
I like your point of view in this Mameiha. But I also have to partially disagree. I for example like most genres. But as you so on the point said there are repulsive or mildly disagreeable things in every genre... Tsura Sobasa
If we disagree, that is a good thing. Otherwise, our conversations would become dull and full of nothing but "Yep, me too". Disagree =/= dislike in my book. I enjoy hearing views that run counter to mine because it gives me an opportunity to learn something new.
I read yaoi for what will seem to be a unique reason. I was raised by my brother and he is gay. Between him and his many friends and lovers, I have been surrounded by gay men my entire life. So, my first exposure to love and sex was between two men. Although I am bisexual and married to a man who is unquestionably hetero, I am at a loss to understand or relate to hetero relationships. Honestly, they make me uncomfortable to read about or watch. I can't even watch hetero porn without feeling nauseous. If I read a Harlequin Romance novel, I had to imagine the female lead was actually male! LOL When I found yaoi, I found heaven. I can't read shoujo because I can't relate to it. So, the tropes like rape and ravishment that are found in yaoi are something I am used to seeing, not only in fiction, but in real life too. How can I explain that when two men are attracted to each other, and both are physically and sexually aggressive, things like being forced or ravished is a common scenario? No one would believe me because most readers have never even met a gay man, let alone watched them interact romantically or sexually. Most readers make the assumption that gay men are feminized, heteronormalized, little girly boys or that they think and act like a woman would. They aren't and they don't... not at all. My brother is 6'4" and 250 pounds of chiseled gorgeous who can fight like a pro.... and he is an exclusive bottom. He has his "girly" moments, but he is always 100% man. Gay men are still men and they act aggressively, and even competitively, when they have sex. When hetero men have sex with a woman, they restrain themselves so as not to hurt or scare the woman. When two men have sex, they don't feel the need to restrain themselves. This is something most readers can't comprehend because it is outside the scope of their experience.
Not many things in yaoi repulse me, but when I come across something that does, I abandon the story and move to another. This hasn't happened often, but it has happened. Usually things like homophobia, bigotry, or women and parents who try to "reform" or change a gay character will spur me to abandon a manga. I believe that if something repulses you, Don't expose yourself to it, BUT if you are going to expose yourself to it, at least learn something from your exposure and don't complain. It was your choice to expose yourself to it.
I'm really glad we had a chance to chat and I look forward to doing it with you again.
Sometimes a "rape" scene is needed in the story the author is trying to tell. This does not bother me because I have really good reading comprehension, so I continue with the story to see how much the "rape" scene relates. I also know that these are all fiction and no real harm was done to anyone. If I come across a manga I do not like, I just move on from it and do not waste my time in commenting. Maybe these people who cry about these so called horrific scenes should crawl into a "safe space." Though, a "safe space" is also fiction in the real world.
Sometimes a "rape" scene is needed in the story the author is trying to tell. This does not bother me because I have really good reading comprehension, so I continue with the story to see how much the "rape" sc... Tolly
Oh yeah, I definitely love you! LOL
As I said before, I am a rape survivor. Two years after my rape I started dating a guy who, although he was a virgin, was really fascinated with BDSM. After a year of dating and lots of very mild BDSM play, we decided to try "rape play". He was fully aware of my past and we discussed this decision long and hard before we decided to go ahead. Believe it or not, by being in the same situation but having the power to stop things immediately, I was able to face many of my fears and doubts the rape had imposed upon me. So, to me, safe spaces are a joke. You can't fight what you refuse to face and you can't win against something you won't fight. Personally, the first safe space I ever found was inside my own soul when I overcame feeling like a victim. And I only found that by facing my fears and doubts.
I've studied sexual psychology for over 35 years. Rape is one of the oldest fantasies in human history. And it is such a huge fantasy because it is also one of our oldest forbidden things to do. Humans want what we can't have. It is our nature. So, we fantasize. Rape in fantasy is as intrinsic to fiction as the dichotomy of good versus evil.
Here I go with another explosion of brain vomit. You have been warned. LOL
Chicks in Yaoi (and a surprisingly increasing number in real life) have the most repugnant sense of entitlement. "I have a vagina. Ergo, I am entitled to the attention of whomever I choose, regardless of their feelings on the matter. Should I have no desire for the attentions of a particular person, I am also entitled to treat them as if they are less than feces and/or destroy their lives. I am further entitled to get away with attempting to destroy, and/or succeed at destroying, the relationships and/or lives of those I consider rivals in personal matters or business, due to the grace of vagina ownership. I need not earn respect, I am automatically entitled to it because vagina. I need not take responsibility for my actions or words because vagina. I should be immune to any suffering, discomfort or inconvenience because vagina." Honestly, it makes me want to vomit continuously for hours until I see the soles of the shoes I am wearing floating in the toilet. Perhaps it is because I was not coddled in my youth and learned quickly that what "vagina" earns you doesn't get you far and any "success" attained simply by the grace of vagina is shallow and empty. I do not wish to be treated as a man, nor do I wish to be treated as a woman. I prefer to be treated as a fellow human being, with civility and common courtesy. I would rather earn respect, acceptance, kindness or love. That which is not earned will be seen as having little value and taken for granted. If one can not obtain that which they desire by their own power and without special treatment or consideration, they are undeserving of it. Full stop.
Brain vomit complete. To those who take the time to read, thank you very much for your time and attention.
The point you are making in this post is how I feel about the "Me-Too" movement. Which I believe hurts real victims more than anything and I will explain why. One - Not all women tell the truth, and even some who will cry rape, sexual assault, or sexual harassment because they want to be vengeful, or for political reasons, or just because. (this tends to make people not to want to believe even the real victims.) Two - All women should be believed and all men should be guilty without a trial. (so much for the justice system) Three - It is an outrage if this happens to a woman, but if it happens to a man he is told to man-up, no one believes them, it is swept away, and/or they are laughed at. (double standards much) I know this is how the "Me-Too" movement is in the US, I have seen it. I also have had all these things done to me and I still have a hard time believing every single female who cries wolf. (which saddens me because real victims do not deserve this, and not only that but I also feel that they feel pressured to come forward before they are ready to.) The "Me-Too" movement may have been started up with good intentions, but it has been missed used.
The point you are making in this post is how I feel about the "Me-Too" movement. Which I believe hurts real victims more than anything and I will explain why.One - Not all women tell the truth, and even some wh... Tolly
First, let me say... I love you! Second, if you were any more right, I would have to accuse you of being a deity! LMAO
Now, back to the subject. I couldn't agree with you more on every topic... save one. I don't think anyone should be "forced" to come forward after a rape or sexual assault, but I do believe that anyone, male or female, should come forward as soon as humanly possible after a rape or sexual assault to ensure that not only is the perpetrator captured, but the number of their victims is restricted. Victims should be encouraged and supported to come forward. However, what they should not be is rewarded. That seems to be the current way of doing things. Victims, whether real or fake, are rewarded with attention and Facebook Likes. This drives me insane! I admire the courage it takes to come forward after a rape because I, myself am a rape survivor. I didn't have to "come forward" because my rape ended with me in a hospital, but I do understand the feelings of violation, shame and doubt that a person feels after that kind of experience. The excuse of not being ready actually translates as being afraid to face those feelings. And as much as I understand it, I also know that it only gets harder to face the longer you run away. I guess I believe if you have to eat a frog, you should swallow it whole and swallow it fast. LOL That said, coming forward should not be popularity contest. If you WANT attention after you have been raped, it should be the attention of the police who will capture and arrest your rapist, the prosecutors who will punish them, and the therapists and counselors who will help you get your life back and no one else. Sure, support from friends and family is huge, but total strangers? Why? I just don't get it.
As for male victims of rape and sexual assault. I have a few friends who have had such experiences and I have interviewed several male victims while doing research for papers I have written while studying psychology. In my experience, the victims feel the same sense of violation, fear, doubt, shame, confusion and anger, regardless of their sex. So, the idea that a male victim should be treated in any way different from a female victim is preposterous.
False rape accusations make me want to scream! The last time I checked... 2015, because I had to stop keeping up with it or I would have gone insane... In the US alone, there were over 35,000 false accusations of rape filed. And those were just the ones that they could prove were false on the face of the report! Anyone who does this deserves to be jailed for the same amount of time a rapist would get. They not only destroy the life of the person they are falsely accusing, they destroy the credibility of every real victim that comes after them.
Don't get me started on how unfair our justice system is when it comes to men and women! Do you know that a woman can not, legally, be accused of raping a man? Because envelopment is not considered rape, only penetration is. Envelopment is considered sexual assault. Well, sexual assault has a minimum incarceration of 5 years and a maximum of seven years. But rape has a minimum of five years and a maximum of ten. That means a woman who rapes a man will get three years less jail time than a man who rapes a woman. Add to that the fact that statistically, women receive 60% of the incarceration time a man would receive and you have a double standard that make me want to puke. Feminists of my era fought for equality. I guess we only wanted to be equal for the good things and wanted special treatment when it came to the crappy stuff. Mind you, I'm an old school, woman empowerment feminist. I get paid like a man because I work like one. I don't take PMS days off and I don't shirk doing dirty, back breaking jobs. And I made $20 an hour when my male co-workers made $18. Not because I was a woman, but because I worked my ass off for every penny. And if I can work like a man, get paid like a man, I damn sure better be punished like a man if I commit a crime.
Rape, the real life crime not the comic book/romance novel fantasy, is a horrible, ugly experience that stays with you for the rest of your life. It can destroy you, shape you or make you stronger. But it should never be used as an excuse to mock someone, treat them as less than or used to gain attention and rewards. There is a huge difference between support and reward.
Jesus Christ on a stick! I haven't been back to this cesspool a full month and I am acutely aware of why I bailed for nearly a year! LMAO I really am WAY TOO OLD FOR THIS STUPIDITY! Every comment turns my stomach when I think that THESE clueless, brain dead, hacks are going to be running the world and making decisions in the future. It is enough to drive a person to suicide.
Mameiha, I have a questions for you. There is rape in hentai as well. Sexual harassment in ecchi harem are passed off as comedy. Sexualization of children is also quite normalized in anime and manga. But I wonder why people are so disturbed by the rape in yaoi? It is after all fiction and mainly erotica. I have seen people saying how it's just drawing when the aforementioned things are brought up. But yaoi on the other hand is seen as problematic. I am generally curious and I have never been able to get any answer from anyone.
Many would say how inaccurate it is. But isn't most straight romance also heavily inaccurate in their portrayals? I never expect real life human beings to be the way media portrays them. Isn't that a common knowledge? I very much still respect the lgbt+ community and I know that Yaoi and Yuri is knowhere near how actual gay relationships are like. Sorry to dump such huge texts on you >< but you seem to be a mature and intelligent person. I would like to know your opinion regarding this matter.
First, allow me to apologize for my delay in responding to you. I had to take a break from here for a bit because, as you've probably noticed, a large number of readers have some very small minded views and opinions. Much like the one you have asked about. I guess it started making me lose faith in our future generations. LOL Then, I return and I am blessed to see an intelligent and insightful question on my message board. Thank you for such a wonderful greeting upon my return.
Now, to answer your questions: I don't think it is the genre that is the issue when it comes to the "rape debate" as much it is the demographics of the audience, particularly on this site and sites like it. The audience for yaoi is dominated by females ranging in age from 18 to 30 for the printed media. However, the audience for yaoi on free sites like this one has readers as young as 11. Hentai tends to be more popular with males, but yaoi and yuri are the domain of women. This is why the stories tend to have the whole fairy tale, happily ever after love vibe. So, now you have young girls who have been exposed to both fairy tale stories of princesses find their princes and the real world concept that rape is a crime. The idea of Cinderella being raped by Prince Charming goes against everything they have learned and experienced up to now. Of course it freaks them out. Why would a parent tell their 11 year old that, while rape is bad, it is also a fetish that people have fantasized about since the first erotic cartoon was doodled on a cave wall? They wouldn't do it. There is no need to expose an 11 year old to that yet. That is a conversation for when they are older. This leads us to our current predicament. Young readers being exposed to concepts far outside their scope of understanding without the guidance of an older mentor who can explain the hows and whys of what they are reading. I view rape in yaoi as exactly what it is... fetish content. Rape, as you've noted, is very common and popular in erotica and hentai. It turns readers on. Obviously the act, in real life, is a crime and morally reprehensible. But that is what makes it so fascinating and erotic in fiction and fantasy. It is one of the ultimate forbidden acts. Humans love to want what they are forbidden to have. Since the actual act is a crime, we enjoy it in fantasy and fiction. Safely.
Yes, yaoi and yuri are riddled with inaccuracies. Especially older manga. And yes, so is all fiction. That is what makes it fiction and not fact. However, in the case of yaoi and yuri, older manga are also riddled with prejudice and homophobia. You might think that it is common knowledge that fiction has inaccuracies, but we are back to the problem of the audience being so young. Up to this point in most young reader's lives, all the stories - even the fairy tales - have themes that directly relate to a truth in real life. However, this is not the case in yaoi and yuri manga. So, when the fictional world that a young reader immerses themselves into through yaoi or yuri doesn't coincide with the real world they feel dissapointed and betrayed. The other major issue I see in inaccuracies in yaoi and yuri is the fact that so many young readers view manga as some kind of "gay relationship how to manual". Particularly in the case of the mechanics of the act of sex. If kids think that they can have anal sex as easily and smoothly as it seems in manga or even porn, someone is going to be seriously injured. By the same token, heteronormalization of homosexual relationships gives young readers the idea that all bottoms are effeminate, girly-boys or that there is a "girl's role" in a homosexual relationship. What does that even mean?! LOL
I hope my answers have given you new ideas to ponder and I look forward to having more interesting conversations with you in the future. I'm always happy to answer questions and if you are one of the young readers I mentioned, I would also be honoured to mentor you through your yaoi/yuri experience. I am 49, a bisexual woman who recognized and accepted my sexuality at age 9. I was raised by my brother, who is gay, and his many friends and lovers. So, my knowledge is borne from experience and I'd be happy to share it with you.
Are you my father? (A terrible intro riddled with opportunity). I recently saw a thread you commented on that I was about to reply to and you said everything I had to say TWICE. So then clearly I see a connection promising more replies that appear to be plucked from my own brain, and decide I must pursue this opportunity to follow you. I then see you have 3 children, 47, are from Montana, work with books and the description you gave of your husband on the fat shaming post where I was first introduced to you on, you described my dad and younger brother to a T. So it begs the question, "dad if you were ever secretly into gay porn and manga, would you tell me?" Also, grizzly's or bobcats?
GO CATS! LOL Well, if I were a guy, with my sordid past, I might be your dad. LMAO I hope we have many more opportunities to chat in the future. I'm really looking forward to it.
By the way, sorry it took so long to respond. I had to take some time away because I was starting to get burned out by the small mindedness of some of our fellow readers. I try hard to not let it get to me, but even I have my limits. LOL
This is random but I saw one of your comments and clicked on your name, you can totally ignore me but I just wanted to ask what you do for a living if you do not mind. I like the way you type, then I started wondering what you do for a living.
Hey Mameiha! I read you are able to answer nearly every question concerning sexuality. So I wanted to ask if it's widely common for people with a vulva to experience orgasms different over time? In my case when I started with clitorial masturbation the orgasms where strong and amazing but after some time they started to get weaker and weaker until I wasn't really able to orgasm anymore which kinda made me really depressed. After some years I was able to accept it. I began to use vibrators to feel at least a bit more. It helped. But after some time it wasn't enough anymore. I couldn't repell the wish to orgasm satisfactory anymore thus I bought a magic wand. With it I'm able to orgasm in a different way than at the very beginning but now it's at least kinda satisfactory. It's just that now every stimulation weaker than the magic wand doesn't really make me orgasm at all anymore. Due to what I experienced I'm concerned that soon even this vibration might be to weak to make me orgasm at least this much. But it's already no longer possible to orgasm in complete decency since the magic wand isn't the quietest toy around. So an even stronger toy would be not even way more expensive but also much louder... What are your thoughts or recommendations on this topic?
What you have experienced is very common and I have also had the same experiences myself. All of our senses lose sensitivity over time when we become accustomed to a repetitive sensation. For instance, when was the last time you noticed the sound of your refrigerator running? Or noticed the freckle on your nose? You hear or see these things so often, your brain ignores them. The same thing happens when you touch the same place in the same way over a period of time. Do you notice a ring you have worn for years or the way the waistband on your underwear feels? You will notice if the ring is missing or if the waistband is too tight though, Right? That is because you have changed the sensation.
With masturbation, if your body becomes accustomed to the sensation, the sensation has to be stronger to reach the same climax, especially if you masturbate frequently. What I'm going to recommend isn't going to be something that you're going to enjoy hearing or doing, but it works. You're going to want to stop masturbating for a while. If you masturbate daily, take a break for 3 weeks to a month. I know that may seem like torture, but you have to reset your sensitivity. After 3 weeks, try starting back with a gentle touch rather than jumping into the magic wand. If you still feel very little or nothing, give yourself some more time without masturbating. I was going through exactly the same thing that you are when I came down with gastroenteritis. I was near death (not really, but it felt like it) for over a month. I had no desire to breathe, let alone masturbate. When I felt better, I tried masturbating again with the same intensity level that I had reached before I got sick and I almost came out of my skin! It was WAY too intense. So, I tried to be extra gentle and I climaxed smoothly. Now, if I can't get off with a gentle touch, I take a break for a week or two and when I try again, I climax quickly and easily. The key is to not let your body become accustomed to the feeling of masturbation. I masturbate 3 to 5 times daily and after about a month of that, I take a week off. Usually it is during my period. That has been enough to reset my sensitivity. Since you are at a point where you are needing the intensity of a magic wand, you probably need to take a fairly long break to reset your sensitivity. That is why I recommended 3 weeks to a month.
I hope this helps and I am sorry that my recommendation is so extreme. Let me know how things go or if there is anything else you have questions about. Good luck and I sincerely hope this works out well for you.
What you have experienced is very common and I have also had the same experiences myself. All of our senses lose sensitivity over time when we become accustomed to a repetitive sensation. For instance, when was... Mameiha
Thank you for answer. I guess I'll have to try this out then. (￣∇￣")
Thank you for answer. I guess I'll have to try this out then. (￣∇￣") Tsura Sobasa
Let me know how things go. I really do hope this works for you, I'd hate to think your next toy will have a two stroke motor you have to kick start like a motorbike! LOL
Let me know how things go. I really do hope this works for you, I'd hate to think your next toy will have a two stroke motor you have to kick start like a motorbike! LOL Mameiha
Hi Mameiha, I've followed you before because I've noticed that what you've said usually answers my questions. Naturally speaking, one of the most significant and annoying questions being "yaoi rape". I can now think clearly about all of this without constantly rattling my brain and whatnot...
It's really hilarious in all honesty, because every time I read the comments, I see many immature comments from which I relate to and laugh at, practically because I'm underage (14). And I've long figured out that I'm not supposed to be on this website, let alone the fandom. I also see myself as a hypocrite and indecisive, because most of the time I don't want to stay on a specific side of an argument, and would rather not argue with most people because it's not worth the time and is a waste of energy.
Thank you for taking the time to write your insights, thoughts and opinions on this website.
Had to follow cause I love your insights. XD thanks.
Jesus Christ on crutches! I just found a question from a 17 year old asking if masturbation will lead to dating and having sex! Thank God for them internets! ROFLMAO
Hi Mameiha
Thank you for the follow back :) I really like your rants and comments. They are truly interesting and insightful to read. I like to read discussions and comments from different people from different countries raised in different backgrounds. I learn from them and sometimes get involved too. I hope you continue to rant/comment without any restrictions because I feel you are what an older sister would be if I had any and you set a good example of how people should approach Yaoi as it should be, a fantasy source of entertainment and fiction.
Thank you, Miyu. If I were an older sister, I would hope my younger sibling was someone like you. I admit I do rant a bit (lol) but I try to contain my bitching to my own page. LOL So, please feel free to read my brain vomit and tell me what you think. I love hearing views that differ from my own and I'm happy to debate, discuss or give my best free advice on any subject. I'm also happy to chat through the mail here.
Sure Big Sis I would love to chat with you ٩(๑❛ᴗ❛๑)۶
I have to wonder why people who bitch about "rape" in yaoi bother to read it at all. I've read nearly 2200 yaoi and shounen ai manga and I can think of less than two dozen that don't contain some form of "rape" or ravishment. That's 1%!! Of those two dozen, most are shounen ai. I'm sincerely beginning to think that those who are upset about "rape" in their manga are not upset about the "rape" as much as they are upset at the fact that when they read "rape" in their manga, it turns them on a little and they have been conditioned to believe that that response is somehow "wrong". If I read about something repulsive, or even mildly disagreeable to me, in a genre, I don't bother reading that genre. For instance, I don't like a female POV in my manga, nor do I like "sappy", overdone, love stories. Therefore, I don't read shoujo, josei or even yuri. Which also means I don't find myself bitching about what I dislike in shoujo manga comment sections. Imagine that, huh? I truly believe that all the bitching in yaoi comment sections is somehow meant to assuage the guilt these people feel for enjoying a scenario that is supposed to be repulsive and forbidden. Maybe they should take a tip from yaoi characters and "be a little more honest with themselves" rather than playing like a tsundere and screaming complaints while secretly fapping to the scenes. If it's hot, it's hot. Accept yourself, you'll feel better.
Lol, i know right.. And on was complaining about how rape is disgusting.. Like ok sure.. Rape is disgusting .. But people should know who read is that this is fiction.. This doesnt apply anything in real life or is anyone trying to potray it as ok.. LIKE OMG ITS OBVIOUS THAT RAPE IS NOT OK!! but like my point is that its for ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSE and its goal is to arouse and satisfy the audience but people are btiching about it.. Lol ok people have different mindset , likings, and fetishes but dude its just FICTION, nothing worth working out about here
Thank you for taking the time to read my personal mind vomit. LOL If I don't vent here I find it hard to keep my opinions out of the comments and I make enemies. Not that I care if I have enemies who are 12, but they are troublesome and take up precious yaoi reading time. Hahaha.
I'm not someone who would condone real life rape since I am a rape survivor myself. However, I am old enough and experienced enough in life to understand its allure in erotic fiction and pornography. As you said, it's just fiction... No ukes were harmed in the making of this manga. I hate seeing yaoi, or any manga, become a political soapbox for children who haven't even "cut their mommy's apron strings" yet. This (yaoi) is my fantasy world, my escape from a harsh reality. I want it to remain untouched by politics and idiots.
Thanks again for reading my tirade(s). Your comment and support made my day.
yeah ikr, and i am 15 btw but im so glad that i was raised by mother properly and taught me to be open-minded..
Please forgive me if my age related comments offended you. That was never my intention. I'd have never guessed your age to be so young. Your mother should be very proud of you. She raised a smart, mature and well spoken child. You're a rare commodity on the internet. LOL I'm happy to have met you and had the chance to talk.
of course, the age really didnt matter to me , i just wanted to say that because i just think that a lot of kids at my age should be open minded about things , and is welcome to change, i just think that a lot of kids at my age are serious,negative thinkers,close minded (like very) , and take things so personally, and maybe that is the reason why i get made fun of a lot because of my MORALS but sometimes i want to stuck it in their faces that they are not always right.. and im happy too that i got a chance to talk to you but i am actually uncomfortable of what i should call you.. if i should call you ''maam''... but i dont think thats really a things in america.. because i live in the philippines so i am kinda uncomortable because i feel like im disrespecting you.. uhm should i call you 'maam''?
LOL Just call me Krissanne. No need for titles and honorifics because we are friends. What you said about young people your age is very true. Their minds seem open only to certain subjects and shut tightly to others. That, I think, comes from having little experience outside of what they are told by parents or the internet. Real life is not black and white and it is unforgiving. So, to survive, we must be able to see in shades of gray and forgive ourselves and others where life won't. Those that can't do those things end up in a constant battle that will eventually wear them down to bones. As for morals, I've done too many "immoral" things in my life to pass judgement on anyone. LOL I think most people have done at least one "immoral" thing in their lives, whether it is a thought or action, which invalidates any judgement they might pass. Were human, which means two things are guaranteed for us... We'll die and we'll screw up big time at least once. Being a "good" person is more important than being a "moral" person in my book. Being "good" is easy, you just try not to hurt anyone who hasn't hurt you first and when someone does hurt you, try to understand them even if you can't forgive them.
thats actually really true.. thank you so much for teaching me new things again
I feel this so deeply. all that you said is pretty much how I feel. I get all pissed off when they complain "It's not rape, he enjoyed it"...like, I read yaoi with plenty of rape. I won't deny that. it's those that venimently defend it, even with a rape tag and all, still say it. like, can you not bring yourself to enjoy it if you admit it is rape?? Go earn a pair, and come back when you grow up.
I mean, I've seen some people dissect it to each individual panel and each word, trying to convince up otherwise. they are like talking to a brick wall. the denial is that deep.
my number is twice yours from the time I've been reading in twelve years. I agree, even then, maybe 5% are clean, good series. the rest all have some form of force. but I like them. and I avoid shoujo and yuri for the exact same reasons as you. they get annoying after so many. yaoi is fun and quite a bit more straight-forward.
I like your point of view in this Mameiha. But I also have to partially disagree. I for example like most genres. But as you so on the point said there are repulsive or mildly disagreeable things in every genre. Since one genre alone contains endless possibilities and every work of fiction within this genre contains different variations of those possibilities. That's why in my opinion the tags on mangago are a great help to show which possibilities are included in a work so that everyone can evade whatever they think of as repulsive. But since this is not everywhere and always the case you are sometimes surprised by a repulsive scene. A work of fiction can be great in general and you can love it dearly except for those few scenes that you feel repulsed of. I wouldn't stop reading or watching something I love only because it contains a few repulsive things. It's sometimes necessary for the plot, for character development or simply as a tool for awareness on a certain topic. Naturally if the for me personally repulsive content overweights the parts I love then I simply stop concerning myself with that work of fiction altogether.
But well every person is different and feels different and has different opinions on this topic and that's alright. In the end it's what makes discussions interesting! (And I hope my bad english is at least understandable in any way) ε=ε=(ノ≧∇≦)ノ
Beautifully said (or rather written) and so on the point!
If we disagree, that is a good thing. Otherwise, our conversations would become dull and full of nothing but "Yep, me too". Disagree =/= dislike in my book. I enjoy hearing views that run counter to mine because it gives me an opportunity to learn something new.
I read yaoi for what will seem to be a unique reason. I was raised by my brother and he is gay. Between him and his many friends and lovers, I have been surrounded by gay men my entire life. So, my first exposure to love and sex was between two men. Although I am bisexual and married to a man who is unquestionably hetero, I am at a loss to understand or relate to hetero relationships. Honestly, they make me uncomfortable to read about or watch. I can't even watch hetero porn without feeling nauseous. If I read a Harlequin Romance novel, I had to imagine the female lead was actually male! LOL When I found yaoi, I found heaven. I can't read shoujo because I can't relate to it. So, the tropes like rape and ravishment that are found in yaoi are something I am used to seeing, not only in fiction, but in real life too. How can I explain that when two men are attracted to each other, and both are physically and sexually aggressive, things like being forced or ravished is a common scenario? No one would believe me because most readers have never even met a gay man, let alone watched them interact romantically or sexually. Most readers make the assumption that gay men are feminized, heteronormalized, little girly boys or that they think and act like a woman would. They aren't and they don't... not at all. My brother is 6'4" and 250 pounds of chiseled gorgeous who can fight like a pro.... and he is an exclusive bottom. He has his "girly" moments, but he is always 100% man. Gay men are still men and they act aggressively, and even competitively, when they have sex. When hetero men have sex with a woman, they restrain themselves so as not to hurt or scare the woman. When two men have sex, they don't feel the need to restrain themselves. This is something most readers can't comprehend because it is outside the scope of their experience.
Not many things in yaoi repulse me, but when I come across something that does, I abandon the story and move to another. This hasn't happened often, but it has happened. Usually things like homophobia, bigotry, or women and parents who try to "reform" or change a gay character will spur me to abandon a manga. I believe that if something repulses you, Don't expose yourself to it, BUT if you are going to expose yourself to it, at least learn something from your exposure and don't complain. It was your choice to expose yourself to it.
I'm really glad we had a chance to chat and I look forward to doing it with you again.
Sometimes a "rape" scene is needed in the story the author is trying to tell. This does not bother me because I have really good reading comprehension, so I continue with the story to see how much the "rape" scene relates. I also know that these are all fiction and no real harm was done to anyone. If I come across a manga I do not like, I just move on from it and do not waste my time in commenting. Maybe these people who cry about these so called horrific scenes should crawl into a "safe space." Though, a "safe space" is also fiction in the real world.
Oh yeah, I definitely love you! LOL
As I said before, I am a rape survivor. Two years after my rape I started dating a guy who, although he was a virgin, was really fascinated with BDSM. After a year of dating and lots of very mild BDSM play, we decided to try "rape play". He was fully aware of my past and we discussed this decision long and hard before we decided to go ahead. Believe it or not, by being in the same situation but having the power to stop things immediately, I was able to face many of my fears and doubts the rape had imposed upon me. So, to me, safe spaces are a joke. You can't fight what you refuse to face and you can't win against something you won't fight. Personally, the first safe space I ever found was inside my own soul when I overcame feeling like a victim. And I only found that by facing my fears and doubts.
I've studied sexual psychology for over 35 years. Rape is one of the oldest fantasies in human history. And it is such a huge fantasy because it is also one of our oldest forbidden things to do. Humans want what we can't have. It is our nature. So, we fantasize. Rape in fantasy is as intrinsic to fiction as the dichotomy of good versus evil.
Here I go with another explosion of brain vomit. You have been warned. LOL
Chicks in Yaoi (and a surprisingly increasing number in real life) have the most repugnant sense of entitlement. "I have a vagina. Ergo, I am entitled to the attention of whomever I choose, regardless of their feelings on the matter. Should I have no desire for the attentions of a particular person, I am also entitled to treat them as if they are less than feces and/or destroy their lives. I am further entitled to get away with attempting to destroy, and/or succeed at destroying, the relationships and/or lives of those I consider rivals in personal matters or business, due to the grace of vagina ownership. I need not earn respect, I am automatically entitled to it because vagina. I need not take responsibility for my actions or words because vagina. I should be immune to any suffering, discomfort or inconvenience because vagina." Honestly, it makes me want to vomit continuously for hours until I see the soles of the shoes I am wearing floating in the toilet. Perhaps it is because I was not coddled in my youth and learned quickly that what "vagina" earns you doesn't get you far and any "success" attained simply by the grace of vagina is shallow and empty. I do not wish to be treated as a man, nor do I wish to be treated as a woman. I prefer to be treated as a fellow human being, with civility and common courtesy. I would rather earn respect, acceptance, kindness or love. That which is not earned will be seen as having little value and taken for granted. If one can not obtain that which they desire by their own power and without special treatment or consideration, they are undeserving of it. Full stop.
Brain vomit complete. To those who take the time to read, thank you very much for your time and attention.
The point you are making in this post is how I feel about the "Me-Too" movement. Which I believe hurts real victims more than anything and I will explain why.
One - Not all women tell the truth, and even some who will cry rape, sexual assault, or sexual harassment because they want to be vengeful, or for political reasons, or just because. (this tends to make people not to want to believe even the real victims.)
Two - All women should be believed and all men should be guilty without a trial. (so much for the justice system)
Three - It is an outrage if this happens to a woman, but if it happens to a man he is told to man-up, no one believes them, it is swept away, and/or they are laughed at. (double standards much)
I know this is how the "Me-Too" movement is in the US, I have seen it. I also have had all these things done to me and I still have a hard time believing every single female who cries wolf. (which saddens me because real victims do not deserve this, and not only that but I also feel that they feel pressured to come forward before they are ready to.)
The "Me-Too" movement may have been started up with good intentions, but it has been missed used.
First, let me say... I love you! Second, if you were any more right, I would have to accuse you of being a deity! LMAO
Now, back to the subject. I couldn't agree with you more on every topic... save one. I don't think anyone should be "forced" to come forward after a rape or sexual assault, but I do believe that anyone, male or female, should come forward as soon as humanly possible after a rape or sexual assault to ensure that not only is the perpetrator captured, but the number of their victims is restricted. Victims should be encouraged and supported to come forward. However, what they should not be is rewarded. That seems to be the current way of doing things. Victims, whether real or fake, are rewarded with attention and Facebook Likes. This drives me insane! I admire the courage it takes to come forward after a rape because I, myself am a rape survivor. I didn't have to "come forward" because my rape ended with me in a hospital, but I do understand the feelings of violation, shame and doubt that a person feels after that kind of experience. The excuse of not being ready actually translates as being afraid to face those feelings. And as much as I understand it, I also know that it only gets harder to face the longer you run away. I guess I believe if you have to eat a frog, you should swallow it whole and swallow it fast. LOL That said, coming forward should not be popularity contest. If you WANT attention after you have been raped, it should be the attention of the police who will capture and arrest your rapist, the prosecutors who will punish them, and the therapists and counselors who will help you get your life back and no one else. Sure, support from friends and family is huge, but total strangers? Why? I just don't get it.
As for male victims of rape and sexual assault. I have a few friends who have had such experiences and I have interviewed several male victims while doing research for papers I have written while studying psychology. In my experience, the victims feel the same sense of violation, fear, doubt, shame, confusion and anger, regardless of their sex. So, the idea that a male victim should be treated in any way different from a female victim is preposterous.
False rape accusations make me want to scream! The last time I checked... 2015, because I had to stop keeping up with it or I would have gone insane... In the US alone, there were over 35,000 false accusations of rape filed. And those were just the ones that they could prove were false on the face of the report! Anyone who does this deserves to be jailed for the same amount of time a rapist would get. They not only destroy the life of the person they are falsely accusing, they destroy the credibility of every real victim that comes after them.
Don't get me started on how unfair our justice system is when it comes to men and women! Do you know that a woman can not, legally, be accused of raping a man? Because envelopment is not considered rape, only penetration is. Envelopment is considered sexual assault. Well, sexual assault has a minimum incarceration of 5 years and a maximum of seven years. But rape has a minimum of five years and a maximum of ten. That means a woman who rapes a man will get three years less jail time than a man who rapes a woman. Add to that the fact that statistically, women receive 60% of the incarceration time a man would receive and you have a double standard that make me want to puke. Feminists of my era fought for equality. I guess we only wanted to be equal for the good things and wanted special treatment when it came to the crappy stuff. Mind you, I'm an old school, woman empowerment feminist. I get paid like a man because I work like one. I don't take PMS days off and I don't shirk doing dirty, back breaking jobs. And I made $20 an hour when my male co-workers made $18. Not because I was a woman, but because I worked my ass off for every penny. And if I can work like a man, get paid like a man, I damn sure better be punished like a man if I commit a crime.
Rape, the real life crime not the comic book/romance novel fantasy, is a horrible, ugly experience that stays with you for the rest of your life. It can destroy you, shape you or make you stronger. But it should never be used as an excuse to mock someone, treat them as less than or used to gain attention and rewards. There is a huge difference between support and reward.
Jesus Christ on a stick! I haven't been back to this cesspool a full month and I am acutely aware of why I bailed for nearly a year! LMAO I really am WAY TOO OLD FOR THIS STUPIDITY! Every comment turns my stomach when I think that THESE clueless, brain dead, hacks are going to be running the world and making decisions in the future. It is enough to drive a person to suicide.
Mameiha, I have a questions for you. There is rape in hentai as well. Sexual harassment in ecchi harem are passed off as comedy. Sexualization of children is also quite normalized in anime and manga. But I wonder why people are so disturbed by the rape in yaoi? It is after all fiction and mainly erotica. I have seen people saying how it's just drawing when the aforementioned things are brought up. But yaoi on the other hand is seen as problematic. I am generally curious and I have never been able to get any answer from anyone.
Many would say how inaccurate it is. But isn't most straight romance also heavily inaccurate in their portrayals? I never expect real life human beings to be the way media portrays them. Isn't that a common knowledge? I very much still respect the lgbt+ community and I know that Yaoi and Yuri is knowhere near how actual gay relationships are like. Sorry to dump such huge texts on you >< but you seem to be a mature and intelligent person. I would like to know your opinion regarding this matter.
First, allow me to apologize for my delay in responding to you. I had to take a break from here for a bit because, as you've probably noticed, a large number of readers have some very small minded views and opinions. Much like the one you have asked about. I guess it started making me lose faith in our future generations. LOL Then, I return and I am blessed to see an intelligent and insightful question on my message board. Thank you for such a wonderful greeting upon my return.
Now, to answer your questions: I don't think it is the genre that is the issue when it comes to the "rape debate" as much it is the demographics of the audience, particularly on this site and sites like it. The audience for yaoi is dominated by females ranging in age from 18 to 30 for the printed media. However, the audience for yaoi on free sites like this one has readers as young as 11. Hentai tends to be more popular with males, but yaoi and yuri are the domain of women. This is why the stories tend to have the whole fairy tale, happily ever after love vibe. So, now you have young girls who have been exposed to both fairy tale stories of princesses find their princes and the real world concept that rape is a crime. The idea of Cinderella being raped by Prince Charming goes against everything they have learned and experienced up to now. Of course it freaks them out. Why would a parent tell their 11 year old that, while rape is bad, it is also a fetish that people have fantasized about since the first erotic cartoon was doodled on a cave wall? They wouldn't do it. There is no need to expose an 11 year old to that yet. That is a conversation for when they are older. This leads us to our current predicament. Young readers being exposed to concepts far outside their scope of understanding without the guidance of an older mentor who can explain the hows and whys of what they are reading. I view rape in yaoi as exactly what it is... fetish content. Rape, as you've noted, is very common and popular in erotica and hentai. It turns readers on. Obviously the act, in real life, is a crime and morally reprehensible. But that is what makes it so fascinating and erotic in fiction and fantasy. It is one of the ultimate forbidden acts. Humans love to want what they are forbidden to have. Since the actual act is a crime, we enjoy it in fantasy and fiction. Safely.
Yes, yaoi and yuri are riddled with inaccuracies. Especially older manga. And yes, so is all fiction. That is what makes it fiction and not fact. However, in the case of yaoi and yuri, older manga are also riddled with prejudice and homophobia. You might think that it is common knowledge that fiction has inaccuracies, but we are back to the problem of the audience being so young. Up to this point in most young reader's lives, all the stories - even the fairy tales - have themes that directly relate to a truth in real life. However, this is not the case in yaoi and yuri manga. So, when the fictional world that a young reader immerses themselves into through yaoi or yuri doesn't coincide with the real world they feel dissapointed and betrayed. The other major issue I see in inaccuracies in yaoi and yuri is the fact that so many young readers view manga as some kind of "gay relationship how to manual". Particularly in the case of the mechanics of the act of sex. If kids think that they can have anal sex as easily and smoothly as it seems in manga or even porn, someone is going to be seriously injured. By the same token, heteronormalization of homosexual relationships gives young readers the idea that all bottoms are effeminate, girly-boys or that there is a "girl's role" in a homosexual relationship. What does that even mean?! LOL
I hope my answers have given you new ideas to ponder and I look forward to having more interesting conversations with you in the future. I'm always happy to answer questions and if you are one of the young readers I mentioned, I would also be honoured to mentor you through your yaoi/yuri experience. I am 49, a bisexual woman who recognized and accepted my sexuality at age 9. I was raised by my brother, who is gay, and his many friends and lovers. So, my knowledge is borne from experience and I'd be happy to share it with you.
Are you my father? (A terrible intro riddled with opportunity). I recently saw a thread you commented on that I was about to reply to and you said everything I had to say TWICE. So then clearly I see a connection promising more replies that appear to be plucked from my own brain, and decide I must pursue this opportunity to follow you. I then see you have 3 children, 47, are from Montana, work with books and the description you gave of your husband on the fat shaming post where I was first introduced to you on, you described my dad and younger brother to a T. So it begs the question, "dad if you were ever secretly into gay porn and manga, would you tell me?" Also, grizzly's or bobcats?
GO CATS! LOL Well, if I were a guy, with my sordid past, I might be your dad. LMAO I hope we have many more opportunities to chat in the future. I'm really looking forward to it.
By the way, sorry it took so long to respond. I had to take some time away because I was starting to get burned out by the small mindedness of some of our fellow readers. I try hard to not let it get to me, but even I have my limits. LOL
This is random but I saw one of your comments and clicked on your name, you can totally ignore me but I just wanted to ask what you do for a living if you do not mind. I like the way you type, then I started wondering what you do for a living.
I am self employed as a proofreader and English tutor. I work, predominantly, with foreign students at my local college.
Hey Mameiha! I read you are able to answer nearly every question concerning sexuality. So I wanted to ask if it's widely common for people with a vulva to experience orgasms different over time? In my case when I started with clitorial masturbation the orgasms where strong and amazing but after some time they started to get weaker and weaker until I wasn't really able to orgasm anymore which kinda made me really depressed. After some years I was able to accept it. I began to use vibrators to feel at least a bit more. It helped. But after some time it wasn't enough anymore. I couldn't repell the wish to orgasm satisfactory anymore thus I bought a magic wand. With it I'm able to orgasm in a different way than at the very beginning but now it's at least kinda satisfactory. It's just that now every stimulation weaker than the magic wand doesn't really make me orgasm at all anymore. Due to what I experienced I'm concerned that soon even this vibration might be to weak to make me orgasm at least this much. But it's already no longer possible to orgasm in complete decency since the magic wand isn't the quietest toy around. So an even stronger toy would be not even way more expensive but also much louder... What are your thoughts or recommendations on this topic?
What you have experienced is very common and I have also had the same experiences myself. All of our senses lose sensitivity over time when we become accustomed to a repetitive sensation. For instance, when was the last time you noticed the sound of your refrigerator running? Or noticed the freckle on your nose? You hear or see these things so often, your brain ignores them. The same thing happens when you touch the same place in the same way over a period of time. Do you notice a ring you have worn for years or the way the waistband on your underwear feels? You will notice if the ring is missing or if the waistband is too tight though, Right? That is because you have changed the sensation.
With masturbation, if your body becomes accustomed to the sensation, the sensation has to be stronger to reach the same climax, especially if you masturbate frequently. What I'm going to recommend isn't going to be something that you're going to enjoy hearing or doing, but it works. You're going to want to stop masturbating for a while. If you masturbate daily, take a break for 3 weeks to a month. I know that may seem like torture, but you have to reset your sensitivity. After 3 weeks, try starting back with a gentle touch rather than jumping into the magic wand. If you still feel very little or nothing, give yourself some more time without masturbating. I was going through exactly the same thing that you are when I came down with gastroenteritis. I was near death (not really, but it felt like it) for over a month. I had no desire to breathe, let alone masturbate. When I felt better, I tried masturbating again with the same intensity level that I had reached before I got sick and I almost came out of my skin! It was WAY too intense. So, I tried to be extra gentle and I climaxed smoothly. Now, if I can't get off with a gentle touch, I take a break for a week or two and when I try again, I climax quickly and easily. The key is to not let your body become accustomed to the feeling of masturbation. I masturbate 3 to 5 times daily and after about a month of that, I take a week off. Usually it is during my period. That has been enough to reset my sensitivity. Since you are at a point where you are needing the intensity of a magic wand, you probably need to take a fairly long break to reset your sensitivity. That is why I recommended 3 weeks to a month.
I hope this helps and I am sorry that my recommendation is so extreme. Let me know how things go or if there is anything else you have questions about. Good luck and I sincerely hope this works out well for you.
Thank you for answer. I guess I'll have to try this out then. (￣∇￣")
Let me know how things go. I really do hope this works for you, I'd hate to think your next toy will have a two stroke motor you have to kick start like a motorbike! LOL
it will hopefully never come to that! ROFL