Internalized homophobia sucks.

This is very hard for me to admit but I have internalized homophobia. I'm a cis gay man and it has always been hard to accept my sexuality but after five years of misery, I finally came in terms with it. I love myself but there are times I think "What if I am actually a sinner?" "I should be with a woman not with a man, this is wrong" "Pedophilia is a mental disorder but so was homosexuality. Am I in the wrong here?". It is so scary, am I a bad person? I just want to love. What if I'm living my life wrong? Is marrying a woman and having kids the right way to live? I'm so sorry for this rant but I cant think of anywhere else to post this. I have seen a lot of queer people in here and I would like your pov.

Tl;dr - Is being gay actually okay or is it just a mental disorder?