Cringe mgg vent

I love over sharing on here but I haven’t done so for like 2 years so bear with me
I’m litewally gonna sob and vomit everywhere I’m so indecisive it’s so bad especially paired with whatever else I got going on like I always get so excited to go out and do sum but if I’m not with my (pretty outgoing) friends I like crash when I get there and I immediately wanna leave and cancel everything I hate being I. Places with people like why can’t I just get rid of everyone and everything whenever I want so being indecisive really fucks this up cuz one second I’ll get over the “anxiety”(idk what to call it) and feel better but then if someone even interacts with me I’ll crash again and ruin the mood and I can’t even tell u the amount of times I’ve been yelled at for doing this yet the same ppl still wanna get mad at me when I say I don’t wanna go somewhere cuz I know I’ll js crash and if I crash they’ll yell at me but if I don’t go they’ll yell at me so WHAT DO I DO anyway that’s off topic I’m always inconveniencing people by being so indecisive cuz I’ll be like changing plans all over the place but then get overwhelmed and say nvm just stop everything pls go back to normal and I get yelled at AGAIAN tho ik it’s my fault for being like this I wanna change I know I have to but I just can’t I’ve always been like this and I don’t know how to counteract this it SUCKS UGH