I need something off my chest

So I am currently 17 and a female and I have my 2 very strict parents, I have always been "taught manners" the hard way usually with my dad hitting me and ngl but I was a pretty stubborn child but I was always treated harshly lemme go into detail: like once when I denied eating food (in grade 1or 2) they starved me for like 5 days only giving me tiki packets to just barely eat and water was free to drink anytime or when I would cry because my friends used to leave me they would shut me instead and when I couldn't eat my potatoes ( which is why I now hate chewing sounds)for dinner they would foise me to eat it ending me throwing it all up and I was also slow in studies as a kid but was never diagnosed with anything (I used to write words in mirror form sometimes) and as I grew up I also grew to be irritated and annoyed I still have focusing issues and because I talked to a guy once my dad hit me with a thick plank and it was bleeding from the inside and I had to take care of it myself and because of me talking to this boy I was removed from therapy (which they said that all signs of me were pointing to C PTSD) not to mention my mom snitches on me for misbehaving with her to him (he is abroad) which results him saying things like he doesn't care if I die or he will throw me out himself and that I will have to satisfy people as a prostitute (which is why I don't feel comfortable with him anymore) and recently because of my misbehaving with my mom which again was not that of a low scale from my side either (I was not holding back) and she recorded my argument from her phone and sent it to him and because of that he called and I ran to my bathroom and hid and he was shouting from the phone to throw her out I dong want her due to which I slept on the cold floor for 2 days, I also had a panic attack during this , and because all of this I'm always hyperviligent and on alert ( I have to turn on my fan in winters because I need background noise) and never feel like I could relax but after seeing videos on yt like imagine a kid with a trauma close to war vets I think I'm so foolish for thinking I'm at their level please someone tell me if I'm wrong.(They did more but this is the short version)