Rejection

So I know writing this here is a bit funny, but here I go;

I got rejected from two colleges because my grades were too low despite meeting the basic requirements and I feel miserable right now.


I studied science for my first year, but my experience was miserable and I ended up failing most of my classes. Which is funny because I thought I was so prepared when I finished high school. I had good grades, but in college I struggled with heavy anxiety and depression that lead me to think I was dying half the time so I barely went to my classes. My mom also got shot my first week of starting so additional stress.

Then I switched to art, because I loved it and it helped me so much, but I dropped out my second week due to too many changes in my family life. The dynamics were changing and it was getting worse and worse.
I worked for a while, until I went to another college to study design, I think I wanted to prove that I was a "good" student and capable of doing something. Not being a screw up.
My first semester went extremely well, I had no grades under 90. But the second one I fell apart. My mom suddenly left and nearly got killed in our country of origin. She left me with a man she didn't love anymore. Next thing I knew I was taking care of my little brother. My loans were going to feeding the house. I was stressed out of my mind and I dropped out to find work.

I wanted so bad to restart studying art. I loved it and that's one of.the only thing regret in my life. But I screwed up and now I don't know what to do. No school would take a inconsistent student like that.
Im turning 21 next month and all my friends are in school and I'm falling behind. Most of them will get there bachelor's soon and I don't have anything to show for myself. I also want to study a subject thats not even in a good place right now with AI and the state of world. My dream seems so far right now.
I'm really such a failure...