going no contact

please, for the people who have gone no contact with their parents, share your experience i beg you.

i don’t know what to do because one one hand, i truly wanna get out of my house and go far away, but on the other, i feel nauseous and guilty for even thinking about it. i’ve already went no contact with my father for a decade, but my mom is a narcissistic mother and she has conditioned me into being dependent on her. she emotion manipulates me all the fucking time, i’m ashamed of myself for feeling guilty about leaving my house and not being in contact with her, but i can’t help myself. i’m so scared and i don’t understand why im so scared because i don’t consider her my mom anymore, yet im acting like a coward. im weak af for letting her manipulate me like that.