I'm so mad

dude like you don't understand like, I genuinely don't get what I did wrong I WANT someone to explain, like I just feel so upset right now?? my mum and I NEVER had a good relationship, we're always fighting and she did so much bad shit to me, the scars on me body are enough evidence, with all that said, I just can't hate my mum, I don't think I will ever be capable of, it's not because she's my mum, I just never seem capable of hate like that, hate is a strong word for me and I don't like using it on people.

so like, I was talking to my sister right and she was telling me that some relatives visited them today and I was like cool how was everything and she was ranting to me about our mum, alot of siblings do because like we all collectively agree that she's not a good person, and so she was telling me that mum asked her do something before greeting the guests, but out of spite, she didn't do it and she greeted the guests, and after that, she like went infront of all of them and said "hey why did you want me to do that before greeting the guests!" and like she literally told me she did it on purpose and she was laughing about it. I don't know if this is just me but I REALLY REALLY didn't like what she did and so I told her that was not a nice thing to do or say, she got defensive and started saying that I'm sympathizing with her and started to be sarcastic about it saying that I need to shed a tear or two to be more convincing, and like I told her that I'm being serious and that it's just a really bad fucking thing to do and she started screaming in my ear and mocking me infront of our other sister on call, so I took a breath because I don't like being angry at my siblings, I told her that i have no problem with her not doing what my mum told her to do, my problem is her embarrassing my mum infront of others when that didn't need to happen. I told her that if my mum did the same thing to her she would be cry on call to me by now and saying that my mum is a villain, and I DON'T DISAGREE! my mum WOULD be shit and horrible if she did that, so why is it okay for you to do the same thing?? and then laugh about it like it's okay. I told her that she's being defensive for no reason when I just don't want her to end up like our mum, and she shut the phone on my face

like I just really don't fucking understand, I don't want to fucking belittle her experience with my mum or how much trauma she gained from my mum's treatment, but there's shit to be said when you're giving someone the same pain you got, I don't understand it, why do people want to do that, I don't understand revenge or vengence or any of that, I just want to live my life in peace, I cut contact with my mum and I try to avoid speaking to her as much as possible ever since I moved out, I don't see a reason why both of us need to be hurt any more, I'm not mad that she embarrassed OUR MUM, I'm mad at her actions themselves, like I just don't like what she did it's a shitty move and it's humiliating for anyone to have to explain it.