Update

For context this is my previous post https://www.mangago.me/thing/about/955615/

A few days after that post me and my (ex)wife got in a huge argument. I confronted her about everything. She only kept saying I was insecure and she shouldn't have married me in the first place if I was going to act like that. I then asked her if she ever loved me which In response, she aggressively pushed me down slapped me and forced me to have sex with her. I kept crying and screaming telling her sex isn't what I want. What I wanted was her love and to not feel like I'm crazy for noticing what she's been doing.

This lead to me divorcing my wife 2 weeks ago. And everything has been falling apart since. I quit my job, got into a fight with family and people important to me and have been unable to get out of bed. I only sob my eyes out, sleep all day and wonder how she's doing without me. I've lost like 15 pounds cause I keep forgetting to eat. My landlord knocked on my door last week cause a neighbor complained about the noise. I didn't answer. Just turned off the lights and sat on the floor till he went away.

Yesterday I drove past our old apartment. Sat in the car outside for 2 hours. I don't even know what I was waiting for. She wasn't there. I knew she wasn’t too. I checked her social media and saw she was on a trip with some younger girl. I don't know who she is. But she’s prettier and more youthful than I ever was. Then I drove home and didn't eat for 2 days. I lost almost 30 pounds.

I also found out she's been telling people I was the abusive one. A mutual friend called and asked if it was true. I didn't know what to say. I just hung up. Haven't talked to that friend since. I don't know how to explain what happened to me when half the people I know already think I made it up.

It took me a while to even come back on social media and write this post right now. I feel as if my life is worthless without her. She used to manage most things in our apartment along with cooking and driving me to work but now that she's gone I don't know how to deal with all of this heav-ier responsibility on my back. I don't even know how to do laundry without calling her. I don't know what bills are due or when. I don't know how to be a person.

I recently started using dating apps to fill this gap in my heart. To distract myself from my thoughts. It doesn't help much but Im trying. I matched with someone and cancelled the date twice. Then she blocked me but I don't blame her.

Please give me suggestions for fun hobbies or any advice I could do to improve my mental health and get back on my feet.