I need to move out already

For the first time in a while today, I was actually feeling comfortable in my own skin, and actually liking how I looked, even feeling to take pictures for wants.

Only for my mother to come say it's too 'boyish' force makeup on my face so I'd look and add more 'feminity,' saying I should put my hair up as it looks to short and ppl would think I have no hair or wtv (Note, I have very curly hair as I am black)

Now I just feel urky and uncomfortable all over, my heart quite literally sank, Why do I have to be in touch with my feminity just because I am a female, why do I have to conform to these things quite simply because I was born with a vagina, why do I have to 'act like a lady' and why is it an insult or 'doesn't make sense' that I don't want to do any of that.

Why is it considered a bad thing to her that I looked androgynous or boyish, she said it looked good but it was just that, but why should I feel shame when that was the best I've felt and viewed myself.

I'm literally grown, yet she still dictates how I should look like, what should I wear, what very simple and unnecessary things is good or bad, always saying i dress to much like a nun or a grandma and wtv. It's always a problem with how I want to protray myself when it even even hurting anybody except making stupid people feel wronged.


I wiped off a bit of the makeup, I hope she doesn't notice or shell just make a fuss about it, but I seriously hate it. She'll probably noticed, I should've wait until I was out of the damn house.

Same woman who talked about why lesbians dated masc lesbians if they liked girls, so I shouldn't be so surprised and hurt by this.

I'm so tired of my mom treating me like her little dress up doll, it's extremly suffocating how much she wants us to conform to how she is, and when we even hint to not doing so act like it means we hate her and want nothing to do with her.

For the outfit it's quite literally a collar shirt, jeans and a tie, the shirt is tight fitting as my mother always wants me to wear Small and only shop in the womans section as well ofc, so whenever I raise my hands my stomach is just right there waving high, it's not even a 'man's outfit' unfortunate for ke, yet she's acting like I suddenly transformed into every successful rich/smart black side character in dramas and sitcoms