Omg Dohun….
The flowers are a reflection of Dohun’s perception of Yuwon, and we know that he self-comforts with delusion. They kept withering bc he doesn’t know how to care for them despite being good with every other plant. So he puts up a false image of blooming.
He imagines Yuwon happy with all that he is doing and accomplishing. Basically that phantom Yuwon is still with him. He’s the one Dohun is doing all this for, this idealized high school Yuwon.
He tells himself Yuwon hasn’t changed bc he needs him to be the same. He won’t properly ask him what he needs and talk bc he doesn’t want the answer to be different from what he remembers of him.
Tells himself he’s protecting him by withholding the truth of past trauma instead of letting Yuwon process it and work through it together like they did when they were teens.
Dohun is forcing Yuwon into this mold of past Yuwon.
You said you didn’t want to see that face again, but when you did; you left again. How dare you, Dohun? Why did you leave?
Because your perception of what Yuwon’s happiness was became more important than what Yuwon’s was.
Or is it bc that’s what the Yuwon of the past had to endure, so he seemed more “unchanged” when you did it again?
But Yuwon is no longer a teenager with no power who has to wait for scraps.
He doesn’t have to submit to what you give him, and he tried to connect with you!
If it doesn’t work, Yuwon has the sense to get out.
Dohun is so attached to this idea of destiny he doesn’t know how to live without it; it’s become all-consuming and dysfunctional.
You’ve chased the goal so far you’ve lost the plot.
Mr Oh could wait another day to be killed…
…omg one last chapter bro. What’s going to happen????
NOOOOOO
MR OH. I wanted to know. I wanted to know why you felt inferior to Yuwon. Please. Please tell meeeeee
Dohun why did you cut him offffff
Dohunnnn
Why are you taking all this on yourself?! I know you want to ensure Yuwon’s happiness, but how is that supposed to happen with no input from Yuwon. Gahhhh but I understand your reasoning and circumstances;;;;
Poor Dohun, you’re really getting worn down;;; Dohun became the real happiness vending machine for everyone…
I obviously know why, and it obviously makes sense; but I really wish Dohun would confide in Yuwon.
Yuwon needs to see what you’re doing for him!!
But he didn’t tell, to keep him ignorant of the truth and protect him, so the misunderstandings piled up, where Yuwon thinks Dohun is disinterested and doesn’t care anymore and where Dohun gets blindsided bc Yuwon can’t wait like he did when he was a teen.
And it all comes out on both ends in one go. No wonder it was so dramatic…
Maybe… Dohun doesn’t really care about himself at all, and so the validation of all that he’s done and being praised isn’t something he wanted really? As long as it got done for the sake of their happy future and destiny.
He must have realized when Yuwon left that bc he didn’t confirm, Yuwon never got to believe in a future together. Yuwon was examining the now, i.e if we don’t get along now how are we ever supposed to later?
Bro he’s gonna drug his own dad…
Tbf, once you threaten Yuwon all bets are off…
Manager Jin…You can see he means well…But too little too late.
To survive in that house Dohun had to abandon his morals.
To try and sway him with that now; even though you didn’t want to take responsibility for him as a child. He might have turned out differently if you’d actually acted like a father.
But your words still nag at him bc he respects you…
Hmmm…kinda out there, but maybe Dohun wanting to be inside and melded into Yuwon stems from his mommy issues? Like being in the womb again…Dohun also wants to disappear?
Also very interesting how the spit after being choked out makes it seem like Yuwon is smiling…
:(((((((( what I thought was his heartbeat was Dohun thumping his head against the wall like his mom and Yuwon;;;;
The grainy filter also got removed, a sudden clarity.
Spoiler??
I heard that Choi Jiyoung was actually their classmate in high school, so that’s why Dohun tried to shut her up so she couldn’t spill the beans that Yuwon was actually the one being bullied…I guess we’ll see next chap.
Bro…no way this ends well. I feel like Dohun is gonna crash and burn and take Yuwon with him. TWO CHAPTERS LEFT!?!?!?! AHHHHHHH
Omg so the title is Yuwon from Dohun’s POV: Dohun’s first mistake.
Assuming that no time had passed and that Yuwon was everlasting. Oof.
Dohun is finally realizing that his conclusion was wrong all this time, and that Yuwon, whether he realized it or not, is no longer the boy he knew.
Talk about the rug being pulled from under you…
So this story is the post-apocalyptic remains of a romance that could have been.
Once again, « do you even love me » is interpreted by Dohun as « choke me to make me happy » and by Yuwon as please fucking talk to me!!!
But the doubt feels strange to Dohun bc what do you mean.
Literally all of my existence and reason for doing literally anything is because I love you.
Literally. Everything. Since high school even.
Since even before that.
…
Omg…
My baby Yuwon…
The things life has thrown at you…
Imagining him slowly waking up in the hospital, unclenching his hand and realizing the phone broke
omg
Limping back to his apartment and collapsing, then having to pay his own bills while still not being healed.
Dohun not being there to help him manage with his cast…
My poor baby;;;;
Lol Dohun visiting Hanseob in the basement being like
« I turned out fine , you’ll do great hyung! » and then IMMEDIATELY dialing up to glitchy, Obsession-worthy murderous intent.
Holy Fuck.
Hanseob.
you godforsaken bastard.
WTF DID YOU DO!?!??
There is no redemption left for you anymore.
Dohun, being a planner, was most likely keeping him alive to reinstate him eventually as heir.
Having the culprit of distorting Yuwon in his grasp, and being allowed to do whatever he wants with him…
Hanseob is only leaving that basement to be buried.
Bro Dohun is going THROUGH IT.
God it’s all so fucked up…
But it’s so delicious…
Omg it’s like a watching a trainwreck happen right in front of you.
My poor boys..I just want them to be happy and ok;;;-;
Do you know it takes me literally half an hour to read these chapters??
The author is so skilled at every dialogue bubble that I go into a mini-analysis/fanfic in my head.
Omg jakpil I bow at your feet, every chapter is SUCH a cliffhanger bro
Seongmin basically by tapping his finger on Dohun’s hand at his throat, is saying that he’s noticed Yuwon’s neck bruises.
« You don’t know how to treat someone you love. »
It’s doing double damage on Dohun bc even Dohun can tell that smth isn’t right and that he doesn’t like hurting Yuwon.
Seongmin is saying here that it’s too late; hurting him like that is a point of no return that you’ve crossed, and that the relationship is doomed.
Someone like Seongmin, who’s super aware of how emotions and feelings work is the total foil and worst enemy of Dohun.
Seongmin’s foresight is not very good tho…
During both conversations though, the main thing is they’re talking about Yuwon like he’s an object.
The objectification of Yuwon is what irks me.
If he’s not yours, he’s mine.
Like some piece of meat…
In the end, Dohun was trying to be kind though.
For Yuwon’s sake/mental health , he didn’t tell him that Seongmin legally harassed him (putting fluids in places he would touch).
But Yuwon, knowing Dohun has killed would obviously conclude that Dohun did something.
And by hiding it, unknowingly incriminates himself in Yuwon’s eyes.
What would have happened, had Yuwon seen the footage?
Maybe though painful, it would’ve showed Dohun right. I think Yuwon would’ve truly become a decorative plant at that point. He’d give up.
No, but I get it.
In the alternative of THAT face or Yuwon blaming him.
A face of being abandoned, discarded, lost and hurt.
Dohun would definitely choose for Yuwon to blame him.
But that’s why he isn’t a good match for Yuwon. Yuwon, though suffering, would most likely prefer to know than to live in silence.
« As if you were dead. »
Ahhh, another Hanseob parallel.
It worked too well…Yuwon really did think he was dead;;;
In the end Dohun won, and Seongmin conceded.
« As if there’s anything more precious than one’s own life. »
Seongmin was not willing to put his life on the line the way Dohun would (when standing up against his father).
(Not that he should have to, but that’s how Dohun judges worthiness apparently.)
In the end, Dohun’s fatal flaw is still and always communication. No communication.
The thing is Seongmin is actually the typical seme, what Dohun could have been had he been raised normally. Deceit as care, and using circumstances and emotional distress as leverage to what he wants.
Dohun lacks and craves love, he puts it as the highest ideal, so such methods are filthy and cannot be used on the one he loves.
Striving for that purity over everything , he shows love the only way he knows how: fending off threats.
Dohun protected the chestnut tree so much it has no light or water and is withering.
In a way, it’s a pure love, but it’s also blunt and violent.
The thing is, Dohun clearly understands the language, since he uses it for others.
Perhaps for him, such methods are only for the insects, which might be why he got so pissed that Seongmin was using it to appeal to Yuwon. Treating him as lesser.
Lol the leads are having a diva-off
Straight up a pissing contest. Who knows Yuwon better?
Dohun is giving Seongmin an advantage here by showing him a vulnerability and giving him information. (Props to Dohun btw for realizing and trying to accommodate Yuwon)
Now, Seongmin thinks he understands Dohun; the problem is he’s judging Dohun as a regular person.
Seongmin thinks he’s fair competition to a guy that has killed for Yuwon before.
Which…
Love the subtext in that chapter.
Seongmin is taunting Dohun by saying that it doesn’t matter if he gives up his only leverage over Dohun: « Yuwon’s happiness » bc he doesn’t think Dohun is capable of pulling it off anyway. « I felt a bit sorry for you ».
That really must’ve pushed Dohun’s buttons, since he thrives over control of the situation and just can’t stand the idea of Yuwon and him being incompatible: not meant for each other. It also made me realize just how much Dohun might have turned out normal if he’d had even one single friend outside of Yuwon.
Someone who could call out his shit.
Yuwon would’ve done it, but Dohun left him. Dohun also didn’t see others as human, which really didn’t allow anyone to give him sound advice. Director Jin might’ve, but as a subordinate can only follow orders.
And by the time Dohun came back even Yuwon was suffering in his own way. And thus, though living in the same space are occupying completely different worlds…
Dohun though feeling like he deserves being choked for what he put Yuwon through, doesn’t like choking/hurting Yuwon, even if it’s his « wish ». Why didn’t you ask him outside of sex, bro??? He would’ve given you a different answer if you pushed through his tsundereness for a bit.
Now Seongmin…it’s most likely him feeling desperate that Yuwon is slipping through his fingers and wanting to get any sort of claim on him, even if he’s acting like an animal.
Still…I’m disappointed in you, Seongmin…
Dohun most likely saw Hanseob in that camera, someone jerking off to assert dominance that doesn’t mean anything. The consolation of the powerless. And probably views Seongmin now the way he views Hanseob. A pest that needs to be dealt with out of sight.
Someone that doesn’t deserve to interact with Yuwon anymore.
As always, love the pacing, literally every chapter is a great cliffhanger lolol
Jakpil the psychological yaoi goat.
I heard it’s almost finished??? I don’t really wanna believe that…
Either way wonderful chapter!!
Sighhhhhhh, she’s doomed, isn’t she?
On the floor of all things for her first time…Matthias, you rich bastard, money can’t buy class. I hope your estate falls into ruin.
Now that Matthias has had a taste of her, he’s gonna obsess over it for a while. He’ll likely move her into the mansion…although probably after that, now that he has her, he might lose interest…These disgusting pigs don’t play with their toys long. I hope that’s the case and she gets to be free.
Poor thing. I want her to run away and take Bill with her as far as she can go.
Little occult tidbit for yall: it’s not possible for him to have summoned Baphomet bc he doesn’t appear in the Lesser Key of Solomon at all! He appears in later works, i.e the Grimoire should be called High Magic or it’s straight up another demon.
Also, dunno if it’s on purpose but the duke’s name is Dezzo Lutin; Dissolution. Baphomet is the epitome of the joining of opposites; the destruction to rebuild/earn knowledge (solve and coagula: dissolve and reform, which you can see on his arms if you look up a picture), which is most likely why he knew all about Dezzo’s past.
Honestly, the plot is kinda jumping around and they’re really counting on a lot of suspension of disbelief; there is NO realism here lol (why tf would you give a guy who’s family betrayed you his home territory back!?? Wouldn’t you confiscate his assets to have financial control over him??? No one cares the king is dating a maid!? They call him a duke but the townspeople legit just throw stuff when they think he is Lutin, but he’s a murderer who could have them executed????? No friction whatsoever from being a normie transmigrator into a duke….Whatever.)
Thank god the toxic dynamic between the Crown Prince and Dezzo is pretty nice. It’s giving me Black Butler flashbacks « queen’s guard dog ». The dumbass actually did use dark magic though. He literally signed his own death warrant at the start of the story…omg whatever
I’ll just keep reading and stop judging lololol
Okay~ So another piece of the puzzle has been exposed. We already knew that Dohun saw his mother in Yuwon (the same apartment, the head-banging, the longing, the miserable expression of guilt, that feeling of being worn-down and at the end of their rope).
His mom mistreated him under her care; probably because he looked like his father.
As he mentioned, she would use him as an outlet to forget her suffering (the subtext points to SA, which omg poor Dohun;;;;;), and then it would morph into rage and she would strangle him/blame him for her circumstances.
It also makes sense why he would say that he would take on Yuwon’s suffering as kids (bc that’s not a childish thing to say): he was already a scapegoat for his mother.
The hanging outlet on the fan/light?? catches my attention though…Was Dohun really taken away/sold from his mother? Or did she hang herself and they had no choice but to take him in?
In a sense, the drugs made Dohun honest for the first time: he actually told Yuwon what was going on (though he wasn’t listening) + Yuwon uncovered a part of him he’s repressed since childhood.
Also, now it looks like Dohun sabotaged Yuwon’s work bc his father was threatening him, so he kept him home in order to make sure nothing happened to him? I’ll have to confirm.
But although he says he wanted to uncover the TRUE Yuwon, he still projected his solution onto him, for what he thinks is Yuwon’s sake. (Strangling him as a method of stress relief) So this must have been the catalyst for their violent sex; Dohun must have felt that it worked.
At least it seemed cathartic for Dohun…he’s been super stressed for such a while.
I wonder if he indulged later? Was he high when he carved their names?
Now this makes me wonder…if she is still alive; even though she was a wretched woman, wouldn’t he want to find her? Especially with the power he now currently has…I wonder if he’s asked Jin for that…What would he do if he did? Make sure she’s happy and leave her alone? He’s clearly still attached and hasn’t processed her mistreatment…
Also lol the ironic turnaround for Hanseob. I mean yeah technically he is out of trouble. No wonder he called him so miserably. Guy must be going insane with withdrawal…
Gosh, this story…everything makes so much sense it’s crazy…What kind of genius is the author and manhwa artist??? It’s so delicious and peak;;;;
If they ever make anything else I’ll jump on that like Dohun jumps on Yuwon;;;;
Now what could Dohun have possibly asked from Director Jin? Something he’s done before…
Burying the evidence of a murder?
Hmm maybe related to continuing the family line; impregnating a woman and passing it off as Dohun’s son? But Dohun talks so well, what a charmer.
We also do not know what Dohun had planned for Hanseob before the name-carving(that’s what I’m calling it from now on) happened.
He didn’t seem agressive at all, on the phone in the car back then, so I figure it was more of a ´the guy will cause his own death through drugs anyway’ let time do its thing type of approach.
But it really was luck that allowed Dohun and Yuwon to meet again!!!! I thought the father had given him a reward.
Dohun has a right to call it destiny. This loverboy has gone all in on Yuwon. I’d guessed because he killed for him, and he’s literally told us this whole time. Yuwon is his DESTINY. No wonder he didn’t want to let him go, he’d prefer to die than for that to happen. A recipe for an extremely unhealthy and codependent relationship~
Now what was up with those texts he sent Yuwon about coming home early?
Deputy manager has taken the bait~ For what I don’t think we’ve seen yet. He was still well when the fight happened.
I think for Yuwon, Kim Seongmin was his last hope. When he was younger he mentioned he wanted to believe that good people existed, and he could still see the beauty of people around him.
But day in and day out, I wonder if he was contemplating suicide at the time, staring at the ground from the roof, smoking. Seongmin still stuck by him even when he was getting bullied, and if Dohun hadn’t shown up I think he would’ve clung onto him to heal. I think to Yuwon, Seongmin was the “last good person” (Yuwon knows Dohun isn’t good, and can’t trust him; he’s killed people after all), which he was why he was so desperate when he disappeared with no notice.
So I think the face Yuwon showed Dohun when he was accusing Seongmin was “utter despair”, losing hope.
The insecurity Dohun felt afterwards was most likely that Dohun realized Yuwon still has expectations in others and people, he has needs outside of the ones Dohun can provide, he was shaken by the fact he might not know Yuwon and his greater good as well as he thought he did.
I feel like Yuwon’s behaviour of banging his head against the wall made Dohun realize 1. How close he was to the edge when he met him. 2. That he suffered badly alone during the years he was gone.
Dohun self-comforts with illusions, so he was able and happy to maintain the semblance of a functioning relationship while Yuwon was kind of spiraling, feeling alone while Dohun disengaged.
I’m very curious if, as Dohun feels Yuwon slipping he pushes more on the sex to be able to artificially pretend he’s “happy”, maybe that’s where it started to get violent and rough? Or Dohun realizes the resentment Yuwon’s held for everything and tries to take it on?
I want to see what Dohun actually did when he met his dad while Yuwon snuck out.
Gahhhhhh i love it so much!!!! Can’t wait for the next chapter~~
I’d waited for a while to read all the chapters at once and wow, so satisfying…
Ohhhh so Dohun admitting he’d killed them was something Yuwon erased from his memory. Subconsciously though, Yuwon must’ve remembered. “He really will do anything to get what he wants”; he’s must’ve been on edge.
I wonder if the father was the one who arranged for both of them to meet again, as a reward for Dohun’s compliance. It’s way too convenient for Dohun to be transferred to Yuwon’s branch.
I can just imagine the word “destiny” echoing again and again inside Dohun’s head when he smirks at Yuwon after meeting again.
Indeed, Dohun is so blind to Yuwon’s emotional realm. He thinks simply ensuring his survival and comfort is enough. There’s this thickness, and the intensity of wanting to make up for lost time. Yuwon meanwhile is incredibly paranoid bc why now? He’s happy but cmon, you couldn’t explain your circumstances to him? You tell him you waited, it’s all for him but you don’t trust with the truth.
Dohun, whether he realizes it or not, still sees Yuwon as a bit below him, someone that can’t be trusted to define or manage themselves bc to him they’re meant to revolve around each other anyway, why won’t Yuwon stick to the script?? Yuwon also has that tendency to keep everything inside until it explodes, but honestly there’s so much pressure built up i don’t even think talking civilly would have relieved it. And omg Yuwon bangs his head on the wall even alone…He’s been miserable so long it’s a habit now;;;; I wonder if Seongmin ever caught him??
Maybe I should write a fic about that…
It’s truly lucky they didn’t kill each other when Yuwon tried to leave.
Although now…there is definitely absolutely no way he is getting away. He marked them both…will it be Dohun acting pathetic and telling him everything he went through to meet him again?
I’m so curious to see how they resolve this; maybe they’ll elope or something and Dohun will embezzle as much money as he can get away with to escape and marry Yuwon in like Bali or Thailand or something. Could his backup be to fake his death??
Ahhhhhh I need to reread the first chapters again to contrast the information!!!
Dude. Geonwoo is seriously the first breath of fresh air that Seonho has had since the start. Bro wants nothing sexually from him and is just his friend, which is exactly what he needed after being seen like a piece of meat from EVERYONE (even the zombies). I hope this guy makes it; it really would be nice to have straight up just a decent guy around to ground Seonho and his sanity.
The problem with good guys is they die early in apocalypse movies, bc others lives are more important than theirs;;;;;
YEAH YOU TELL HIM SOUN!! He’s nothing but a coward that slinks around; but
don’t get yourself killed plssssss;;;;;
Your husband’s coming to save you;;;
It hit me that the hidden camera in the office tree is like his dad’s; to be able to tell who’s twofaced about yuwon.
My poor baby Yuwon;;;;;
You really endured so much shit; he’s so mentally strong, handling all that by himself.
That tired weary look when you’re at the end of your rope…you don’t even need to see his face to tell.
It’s no wonder he ended up paranoid in the future. No one has ever done these kinds of things with no ulterior motive for him, ever. They really crushed Yuwon with the « no free lunches ».
Dohoon must feel bad, that he’s seen as this ‘person that must be taken care of’ in Yuwon’s eyes.
Even when Yuwon is being ‘weak’ by submitting to everyone, he’s still protecting him.
This entire episode Dohoon is always looking at Yuwon’s back, relying on him.
He must have started wanting to be able to help and could no longer stay put. So he most likely left so he could become a protector.
It’s interesting how he dreamed of it before, Yuwon protecting him and then realized Yuwon was the one needing protection, not just in school, but through everything.
Yuwon isn’t willing to hurt others to get what he needs.
So Dohoon will find a way.
Yuwon feels like a mom, not just Dohoon’s mom, but this selfless sacrifice out of love really hits hard.
To Yuwon, Dohoon is family.
Poor Yuwon…
I love him so much…
Hewwo and welcome! ₍₍ ( ๑˃◡ ˂๑)◞♡
♡o｡+..:*♡o｡+..:*♡o｡+..:*♡o｡+..:*♡o｡+..:*♡o｡+..:*♡o｡
BG only!!!
= triggers (do expect violence, too bothersome to put)
abuse: could be physical, mental, verbal, sexual etc.
= my rating
(5=absolute fav, 4=very noice, 3=goodie, 2=meh, 1=nah)
= mayb +1 star
♡o｡+..:*♡o｡+..:*♡o｡+..:*♡o｡+..:*♡o｡+..:*♡o｡+..:*♡o｡
Get ready for some psychologically draining and
emotionally terrible mangas!
The new word of the day is Apostasy!!
an act of refusing to continue to follow, obey, or recognize a religious faith. Or defection.
Apostasy!
I think it’s one of the first times I’ve seen a work take it past the mindbreak lol
Was not expecting the kids to be furry too, also thought it was a dream sequence.
Kinda funny for him to negotiate release, and then go hunt them down again. He says it wasn’t revenge but I bet he made the same amount of children as the knights lol Petty Leon.
But gotta admit I love me some old man hole.
Yum, ‘twas a good meal!
Damn, Xinlu really doesn’t give a shit about Tae, does he?
He could have turned Tae deaf by shooting right next to his ear like that.
I guess he’d find it darkly funny though: “Look, Taeui, we match!”
All of this is defo just to give the middle finger to Ilay. Especially with such a serious injury.
To Xinlu, Tae is a prize to be won.
Poor Ilay, so close you almost touched him. He’s gotta be stewing in hatred right about now.
Taeui feeling so conflicted…I love itttt
At the same time, I was always really curious about Xinlu’s home territory, ever since we heard about his past;
since we’ve only ever seen Riegrow’s so far: the base, brother’s home, etc.
I hope we get to explore what made Xinlu the man he is today, and that Jaeui doesn’t find himself in another weaponmaker’s hands (bc lbh he defo survives).
Dohoon…I have to apologize to you.
I thought you were some stereotypical toxic seme, some sort of mastermind and we were going to see what formed you, but it turns out you were also manipulated this whole time.
It really was your upbringing.
You really see how the blocks that formed his worldview fall into place. Transactional relationships.
Writing your name, sex makes one happy, give back.
You were just doing what you could with what you had at your disposal.
They were just kids, man.
Gu dohun’s brainwashing being the thing that convinced yuwon they were on the same side. Kinda bittersweet.
Some sort of link/parallel from Yuwon to his mother. So far not much, but most likely because they were the only two he ever cared about.
Did he forget her face? Or did she ultimately also not matter to him?
The teacher and Yuwon are the only people whose faces are visible.
Also how does his childhood book end?
It was burned, but if it’s directing his actions until now he must have read it over and over again. His obsession with a happy home must come from there. Is it a happy ending? Or do the elk and tree die together? You can’t really beat humans.
Give back what you receive. I thought that meant Dohoon really was the one who executed them, but maybe it really was his father; btw Dohoon’s dad is missing a part of his ear, wonder what happened?
…was Dohoon referring to Hanseob when he was telling Yuwon that he shakes when he wants sex? Implying that he had withdrawal symptoms?
Just gotta make sure Juyeon doesn’t allow him to choke himself to death. But I think MC at this point is too impulsive. He’s gonna run -.-
Anyway, see yall next shift!