Toothpick's Things

I’ve made so many posts about this friend on this site and the general opinion I’ve gathered is they’re kinda evil.. i have a pretty shitty complex where I blame myself for everything so I just need to know if I’m the ass here. So they’ve started to sleep with adults(we’re minors), smoke and so drugs after meeting a friend.. but I’ve been pretty rude myself everytime they tell me what they’re going to do I try everything to convince them not to and kinda say things like calling them disgusting Idkk also lecturing it kinda comes in outbursts of emotions to tryyy to convince them not to.. tbh now looking back I was trying to control them a bit and shaming them was my method to try to convince them to stop.. (I have apologised and talked about it with her!!)

I’m trying to take accountability because I feel like I’ve been a prick but they’re making me feel so sad.. like idk how to explain how she acts
(you guys can look at my past posts to see more abt them)

Awhile ago My best friend recently made a new friend and cancelled our planned sleepover to hang out sleepova with them instead… I was even more annoyed because she told me abt her plans to hang with her new friends and I specifically said “as long as it’s not on Friday” because WE had plans (she agreed at the time??!)

Anyway I chose to invite them both over because I still really really wanted to hang out with my bsf. Tbh I’m embarrassed looking back… the night before I had a panic attack that I couldn’t sleep and the day of I was kinda rude to the friend and best friend (mostly just being quiet, I didn’t say anything rude!!) tbh It was silly of me to host something that I didn’t really want to and the day after I was talking mad trash about the friend to my bsf and my best friend kept defending them although my bsf did say that she was acting kinda cuddly and possessive which is something ig.. tbh I was just really angry and upset Idkk it’s stupid looking back but at the time

She’s always been depressed and she’s extremely influenced by things she sees online (right now she’s into jirai kei) anyway now she’s hooking up with over aged men (we’re minors), talking drugs and smoking, making plans to do a double suicide, she also wants to be like Dolores from Lolita apparently. And now she’s talking about going back to her ex to do a double suicide with them.. who has moved on and is happy now!! It’s making me kinda grossed out but I also don’t want to lose her (I’ve already tried talking to her she just won’t listen she agrees but then does nothing)

To give context we’re both 17. So they recently started sleeping with adults and smoking. This behaviour makes me really uncomfortable because I grew up around this stuff. The issue is I don’t have anybody else. If I cut them off I wouldn’t have any friends. I struggle to talk to ppl irl and online bc I’m so anxious. It’s so confusing because they constantly make me sad but they also make me feel like I’m happiest person on earth

Apparently he showed up at her frecking house in the middle of the night after she cut him off?? Now obviously he’s a psycho but I’m just annoyed because she enables and feeds into this kind of behaviour (her words: “I just want to lose my virginity and get free money”) and now I can’t stay pissed because I’m worried about her but she upset me so bad