Angel's Things

my parents control everything, im 18, in university and trying to build something for myself. yet I got yelled at for wanting to walk to the fucking store to get dry shampoo, which is a 15 minute walk when its sunny, cloudless and fucking nice to walk.

im so sick of this, I barely have a social life cause im barely allowed to even go out, I have to be home at 4 pm or else ill get a lecture on how ill be raped and kidnapped for living. (we live on the countryside with fields and farms)

I cant get a job far, knowing its hard to find one, I cant drive (I cant get my Ps without finishing my Ls, yet no one is willing to help me drive) I can't go to the library, I can't go anywhere by myself, my mum wants to me to bring my 13 yr old brother with mr to walk if I want to go somewhere.

she thinks im out doing drugs, or talking to men, when I cant even leave the house without war. I lost friends cause of them, I hate myself cause of them, its driving me nuts, I want to live a normal life, my mum got married at 18 to a guy 10 yrs older than her but god forbid I want to walk to get some dry shampoo and iced coffee

bro I have 5 hours before its due I haven't even started

okay, please for the love of GOD do not sugarcoat this please! I need to see if I am an asshole for this or not.

okay I was very good friends with this girl since year 8, we were very close and I was very comfortable with her. Fast forward to year 12, I noticed a slight shift in her, it wasnt noticeable but I felt it in the way she spoke to me and whatever, fast forward again, it's been months since we graduated, and I tried making plans with her, 3 different times and she left me on read on all of them.

So I left her alone, and I asked some mutuals on what I should do, and they all said I should just wait until the time is right, so naturally I waited until her bday was 2 weeks from then, and I messaged her. in the lines of

Happy birthday, I can’t believe youre now 19! We haven’t talked in ages, we drifted apart, but I wanted to congratulate you. I want to let you know that I don’t hate you, and im still around if you need a chat, I loved our friendship at school, and I cherish it deeply in my heart, our 5 years of friendship was something I wouldn’t trade for the world. Despite the drift after high school, Youre a good person and a good friend.

and she messaged me back after 4 days to meet up in the city (takes me nearly 2 hours cause I live far) I said okay and we meet up.

she basically was saying that she hated me because I used to complain a lot, was always just annoying to her and gave petty things that bothered me. Although I understood that and told her I actually learnt my lesson and made sure I won't do it again. I did tell her before the distancing, that; if I did smth, tell me, even if it's small, but she never did. She goes on the lines of 'youre still a good person, I don't hate you, youre great it's just youre not for me'

I complained cause year 12 made me depressed and I had sm things happen ion my life, which she knew, but I won't go into detail about that.

but I was upset cause she went and asked me to meet up with her, just to complain about me for 2 hours and had the audacity to say 'no shade'.

and say its more mature like this, adds no shade. Like girl, I thought we were gonna talk about it then forgive each other about it, and I asked, 'okay, and I want to mend things with you, thats why I came, if I didnt like you, I would never come to see you in the first place' and she said. 'I don't know, but I know I don't want to be close again, but I don't want to lose you' and she was just going around the bush and not giving me a proper answer.

and now im just very upset cause I don't know how to feel. so!

mine is kiss me liar and illusion blessing dude the art is in illusion blessing is so yum and kiss me liar is lowk good trash ykwim?

I have 30 pages left until I finish and honestly, I understand why it's a classic, but it wasn't as good as I thought it would be, it was nothing what I expected. I loved the feminism and the VERY relevant issues women still suffer with, but the sudden shift of her losing it slowly was so weird. the first half of the book was all like collage girls being collage girls but the moment it hit the middle of the book, Esther went 180 and I'm still confused as to why.

I understand the fig tree metaphor, the story of the nun and jewish man, mental health & psychology themes, as well as the stuggles of being a woman but am I just reading it wrong cause I was expecting more?