I want yaois where they're caught having sex outside but they continue to give a show lol
Follow LOL
folloooow
(づ￣ ³￣)づ
Looking for a hardcore yaoi, I think it had some kind of web-idol? Using weird tool that let others kind of teleport their peepee to him and he let them have smex with him because it was sort of a special day for the live show? Ah, be almost drowned in a tub full of cum at the very end...
Follwing
ff
What's the longest you have stayed without showering or taking a bath?
14 hours and 37 minutes
and 7 seconds
I like to be clean.
Take a whiff of this strawberry and vanilla shampoo
4 days and I live in a tropical country
a month
It was a dare that I was forced to do but if it counts then:
I withdrew a shower and a bath for a week. My friend did this because I always and I mean always take a shower when I get home from school. Im a clean freak Xd
Same.
You need jesus
A week
....
CAMPING IS FUN MY GUYS
A week. When it ended I felt very disgusted with myself lol
2 days.
3 days
3 hours
im also a clean freak so i guess a day?mby less
2 days.
It was a rough week.
Two days, thanks to a school trip.
4 days I don't take a bath during periods I feel disgusted I only wash my hair
i cant relate
Man... You all are clean freaks o.o ... Is it weird that I bath every two-three days....
Any tragic yaoi and really really sad plot? I'm in mood to cry
"back in time to you"(although the protagonists dont even kiss) its really sad though...
oh and "zankoku na kami ga shihai suru" (it contains rape)
"because of u" made me cry:'(
"Let dai" Idk I cried so much and it will always be one of my favorites.
the best ?
golden days ( the best manga i read so far )
life senjou no bokura ( 2nd best manga )
Not really as sad as the other suggestions but I wanted to follow and contribute.
http://www.mangago.me/read-manga/hana_no_miyako_de/
(Also, it's a standalone prequel, you can read the main story if you feel like reading something sweeter)
Oh, didn't notice it has been already suggested.
The ending of this is pretty sad, but the story overall is sweet so it might not be exactly what you're searching: http://www.mangago.me/read-manga/paradise_view/
Whenever I feel like I'm a weirdo I come here then I see you all and feel better that I'm not the only one （/TДT)/ thank you guys for being here ┗( T﹏T )┛
No updates for me today :( the emptiness... The sadness... The sorrow... Sniff
i feel ya... hugs...
Same :'(
Still remember the days when everytime I open my phone, there’s 5 manhwas updated. Now I only have the void of darkness and emptiness
Can you guys help a fellow fujoshi and read this novel? and give me any feedback? I participated in a contest and I really want it to be as good as possible! if you have any advice or anything at all, bad feeds are more welcome as I'll be able to see the bad sides of this T^T be as critic as possible!
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"Do you believe in immortality?"
Izumi is a normal staff at IT company, on his way back home from work, he gets hit by a truck causing him to die.
How will he react when he realizes he is still living after waking up in a hospital moreover, no trace of that accident ever happening?
Yasahiro, haunted by a phrase his whole life unable to escape it, saw death as a door to run away from it but ended up saving a dying man which caused that door to close in his face before he got the chance to open it.
Was it mischief? Or was it a punishment? The two men who weren't attached to their lives ended up gaining a power that is envied by all and wanted by all yet undesired by them, immortality.
Their bad personalities collide, and quarrels arise as they face different situations which causes disagreement between the two, but only the other to depend on in time of need, their partnership deepens as they go through eventful accidents and meet other people with other special abilities that bring death closer to them.
https://www.wattpad.com/story/125084714-partners-in-death
My first criticism would have to be the lack of originality, based on reading the summary. Sorry. I also don't have time to read the whole thing, so ... ciao.
*Shocked*
Idk how to fix that... are you telling me this whole plot is wrong from the start? O.O''
Okay, so I couldn't read all of it but I skimmed through and I think the story is alright. Based on the summary I would read it if I had time. However, one problem I have with writing about male x male stories is that it's better in third person. Personally I find it awkward that I'm a woman and I'm reading as a man. But that's just how I feel. When I write male x male I usually use third point of view so yeah
╮(￣▽￣)╭
by male x male, you mean romantically? or when all the characters are males? because I do not plan on making any romance in the story (for now) o.o; and there won't be only males in it.
But the first point of view have it's merit as the reader discover stuff as the character discover it, but if it was written as third person, I would have limited ways of showing character's thoughts, feelings, expressions, what they think of other characters, what they know. Also, I can't be subjective (which i find hard to do sometimes.)
Thank you very much, I appreciate the feedback, if you have time to read it thoroughly I would be grateful! but you already made me happy by saying you are a bit interested in reading it based on summary ^_^ thanks!
I didn't actually read the story either. But at a glance, I notice you have a lot of run-on sentences. You put commas instead of periods, which drags the sentence. You also use a lot of single quotation marks (i.e. ' ), which from what I know, are only used when there's a quote within a quote. Otherwise, when someone is saying something, you indicate that with double quotation marks. Continue with the use of italics for inner thoughts and flashbacks. As for the names, it might be a good idea to include both a first name and a surname.
I understand a lot of us are influenced by Japanese comics, but I would write characters in a setting that you are highly familiar with. There's also very little descriptive details. I understand this is first-person perspective, but you also want to include more description of their surroundings, not just their thoughts. In most cases, it's just thoughts, and then a back and forth between two characters who are talking. The story just seems like a script for a comic in my opinion.
Ok, I'm really picky so I know I tend to be sharp with my criticism, but I skimmed through the first chapter and here are my suggestions based off of it. If something I say is unclear, let me know:
-From your intro of Naoki, your descriptions of people are too straightforward. In manga, it's alright to give mini bios about people because the stories are fast paced and the complexity MC’s thoughts can’t be displayed all the time without bogging down the plot. However, in your writing, you look out directly from the MC’s POV so you need to think about how to realistically introduce him. After all, no one in real life is busy working, sees a friend and thinks ‘Oh there’s Bob back with the coffee. I wish I had hair like his and those smarts. Ooh he’s so cool. It really is unfair. We’ve known for 5 years; we were in the same art classes together; we shared the same dorm room in college; we made out a couple times while drunk for some reason. The guy hates me though, ugh. We don’t talk much.’ Some stuff you have to go ahead and say because there’s no other way, but you need to take the time to build the character smoothly and subtly. For example, you shouldn’t say “He’s good looking with his blue eyes and golden hair.” You have to weave in the description by saying things like “his blue eyes flash with mischief” and later on “he uses his hand to comb back his messy blond hair”. To describe general background, you can make it into dialogue for some like “Dude, we’ve known each other for five years, yet you still give me the cold should. I even held back your hair while you were throwing up!”
-Also, it’s not only in descriptions that you need to keep realistic. You are using a bit of over-exaggeration in your writing. It’s quite common to find in TV and manga, but doesn’t work as well in books. For example, have you ever heard a coworker in all seriousness refer to someone as a ‘legend’? Would you ever exclaim to someone that you don’t have a great relationship with that “your last project left me speechless!”?
-You have some flips between past and present tense going on as well.
-Something that would also add to your story’s realism and complexity is by giving your MC more interaction with the information you present (similarly to the dialogue mentioned earlier). For example, rather than simply saying that “rumor has it” you could say something along the lines of “I happened to hear Margaret and Janet from accounting discussing the company’s CEO. Apparently blah blah blah”
-You also could have more variation in your sentence structure. For example, you say “I was happy”, “I would be happy”, “I was shocked”. If you use at least some variation, it naturally draws the readers attention and helps to keep interest. So like “Fizzling with happiness, I blah blah” or “Shocked, my mind reels with this information”
-One last thing. Many writing teachers hate filler. However, in the case of full-fledged 4,000+ word stories, filler is necessary. These characters shouldn’t jump from one crucial moment to the next. They eat lunch; they joke around with friends; they grab coffee; they get sidetracked by an adorable kitten and are late for work. Sure, you don’t want your story to be drawn out into 200 chapters, but, by adding small, realistic details of normal lives, the readers can more fully connect with your characters and, when the big, momentous occasions do come, those average times give a contrast that makes the power of those important scenes pop.
Wow, that was hella long.
That's some really good criticism tho and I personally agree you Good stuff man
I forgot the with oh man :(((
Thank you very much this is actually the first time I ask for feedback and someone give useful suggestions and tips with examples, I could totally know where I could fix this and how, I really am thankful! I think I'll save your comment to read later too as I think I'll forget half the stuff written (lol)
About the ' I thought we use it for thoughts as well. My mistake.
And description of characters their introductions and other details I'll try to go back and edit them in a better way.
About the tenses I just get confused whether to write in past or present...
I understand where you are coming from about the fillers but I thought people sometimes want to get it straight to the point so I kinda decreased the amount of needless scenes.
I am confused as I wanted to make izumi think that he's not close with naoki but naoki does not think the same way. (Which I obviously failed to show)
Anyway, it looks like I'll work on editing the already published ones before I start publishing new ones. Thanks again this was very helpful
I thought ' are used with thoughts as well that's why I used them often I'll keep track of that in future thanks
I'll try to add more description of surroundings as well! Thanks
Glad I could help! To be honest, I love analysis so I could have probably prolonged my previous comment by another 3-4 paragraphs with positive points, more specific ways to address possible issues, and reference to classic literature, but I figured you didn't want to read a freaking essay. (￣∇￣")
No no I would love to read more of your analysis lol it really made me see stuff I didn't pay attention to before
Nah; just 'cause the plot itself isn't particularly original (nothing really is these days) doesn't mean the story itself is bad. It could be very good if it had its own special touches and character development. And I genuinely didn't have time to read the story, so I apologize if I came off as rude.
Which sex scene did you like the best in Sekaiichi Hatsukoi? :o like the one that turned you on the most (emotionally or physically..)
turn me on emotionally? takano saying "i love you, i love you," during sex and going absolutely crazy over Ritsu when he collapsed from malnutrition
turned me on physically? when Ritsu blew him.. and when ritsu blew him again ⁄(⁄ ⁄·⁄ω⁄·⁄ ⁄)⁄
ritsu sure know how to blow someone and look cute af
rightttt (づ￣ ³￣)づ
"Wasn't death the final goal in life?"
Its a world beyond the death flag, a life that means nothing, only starts taking form after dying.
Wanting to live; is a struggle to overcome the fear of dying.
A bittersweet story about a man and his struggles to stay alive in a world where his death is painful.
Izumi is a normal staff at IT company, will he be able to stay normal after the abnormal events unfold before his eyes?
Will a gun pointed at his head or a knife slicing his throat be able to take his life?
A crazy psycho warping him around his finger, or a childhood friend trying to torture him, a strange ghost that only thinks about killing others, who is on his side and who is the enemy? Who to trust and who to fear? Who to forgive and who to kill?
Which decisions will Izumi make in order to stay alive and as humane as possible?
https://www.wattpad.com/story/125084714-partners-in-death
if you are so kind to help me know if this is any good I would be forever grateful for ya :)
I read it and heres some of my feedback:
Theres some grammar issues and problems with fluency between sentences. The story idea is pretty neat and I want to know more. I don't know whats going to happen next but I have some guesses on cliche plots, so Im crossing my fingers there won't be any. : ) ( No im seriously eager to read the next chapter, I can't wait )
thank you very much for the feedback! I'll try to pay attention to the points you pointed and hopefully, I'll be able to improve them in future chapters.
Hearing you say you are eager to read more just makes me smile, this made me so happy! thank you!
I'm glad : D and no problem!! >w<)/
I never kissed someone, but when I watch a kissing scene or read a manga and two characters kiss, it seems so romantic and really good... But whenever I think of it in real life... the idea of someone else's saliva being near my mouth is just so disturbing ... Being near their mouth close enough for their breath to be blown right into my face is freaking me out... I'm the type of person that doesn't even like drinking after people from a used glass and if someone blows air at me, I just straight out slap them ... so I was wondering is it really that good in real life? or it's just in fiction xD ... (๑•ㅂ•)و✧ I'm really really curious ...
if your kissing the person who you like or have deep feelings for you'll have the same feeling as when you see fluff
that sounds like nerve cracking situation, I'll be so anxious if my breath smell okay, if something is stuck in my teeth, or if I have bogger in my eyes, if my glasses will get in the way, where should I put my hands, should I close my eyes lightly or squeeze them shut, should I part my lips or shut them tightly, should I smile or just keep a poker face... uuughh you can be happy about a fluffy kissing scene when you watch/read it because it's happening to someone else not you!!! But when you're put in the situation it's not ... that easy... to do... I can't imagine feeling the same way ESPECIALLY if I have deep feelings for that person.
I used to tongue kiss my little sister and I deeply regret it. Idk wtf I was thinking. It didn't feel or taste particularly great or anything either, but I was like 8. We'd do it at school and people would be like "eww" and we'd be like "we're siblings so it's okay." Lmao no honey
So no, it's not that great. But then, I've only made out with my little sister when I was 8.
Dude xD
when you kiss someone you like, the feeling it's similar that when you read about it. You stopped caring about your surroundings, or the biological facts and enjoy the moment.
<3 ╮(￣▽￣)╭
oh... it's more easy than you imagine. (maybe no at the beginning, but you don't have to think, just feel <3)
(⊙…⊙ ) i-i-if you say s-so
I feel absolutely the same way like you do. But I've always been told it's different when it's with the person you love, like, I've been told it's really nice. I've never had a boyfriend nor have I been kissed like that so I don't really know and I'm still kinda anxious.