XEIJAM's Things

today i just had the worst night ever by permanently deleting an important file worth 50% of my final grade on accident and i've just been on the verge of breaking down eversince

i'm reading a straight romance manwha rn and i can't help but think that it would genuinely be better if it was yuri like it just makes sense for it to be one yk

i love reading romance mangas and fanfics, watching romcom movies and shows, and listening to love songs like i consume every media about love imaginable yet i can never actually relate to them because unfortunately nobody's inlove with me and i'm not inlove with anyone at all and it's so embarrassing because normally when people listen to a love song with the most down bad lyrics ever they think of someone but no all i think about is how the song is really good i feel like such a loser

i probably just haven't found someone to be with i mean like i've tried but we never really hit it off like yknow the feeling of being an outsider in ur own relationship that's kinda how i felt with my past ones i've just never really felt connected with anyone before

has anyone felt like this before

i think i'm lesbian what do i do, is my life over? like ive had thoughts about kissing girls and it doesn't seem like such a bad idea to me at all (i'm leaning towards actually looking forward to something like it too) and i've dated a few guys who were into me but most of the time it just felt like i was forcing myself to talk to them which i didn't enjoy at all

ive thought about things like being married and having to say in a committed relationship which freaked me out but when i thought of all that happening with a girl it actually felt kind of nice

this is gonna sound crazy but listening to chappell roan on repeat has probably contributed to me questioning my sexuality

this is a REALLY bad habit i have and i wanna get rid of it but i'm like the world's no. 1 procrastinator out there