I first found missing love ; married man, when i was 15/16, freshly dropped out of high school due to bullying, surviving childhood sex trafficking, incestuous abuse, domestic abuse, ipv, etc. it's been 3/4 years since, i'm turning 20 this year. i need to express my gratitude to in herin for this beautiful, amazing piece. i honestly believe that seeing geom survive and continue to fight through his pain gave me a lot of courage and determination to fight through my own, even if my life wasn't objectively improving at all. I found the strength to focus on my academics after re-enrolling into online school, and ended up going from a highschool dropout with 60s/70s/ to having grades in the 90s/100s.
when i first read this story, i was honestly shocked at how accurately in herin was able to portray his experience of sexual abuse, his coping mechanisms, trauma reactions, how trauma shapes personality, defense mechanisms, etc. it was extremely, extremely cathartic to see my experiences, my voice, and my emotions transformed into something tangible -- something like art, something written down and observable. this sounds pathetic, but it gave me a sense of belonging. i didn't feel as lonely in my filthiness anymore, because geom had expressed almost the identical sentiments i've had for almost my entire life.
everything, from his trauma bond with rieder, his yearning for wooyeon, his dissociation, feeling like a trained dog, fawning, dissociation, yet also not entirely submissive, was really painful due to its resonance.
beyond just personal resonance, i think that missing love contributed to a lot of my creative motivations. i write a lot of short stories relating to sex work, prostitution, and death. i really, really just want to capture despair and the lingering effects of sexual abuse the way in herin was able to, i wanted to capture the griminess of sexual abuse without sexualizing it. how i personally interpret all the non-consensual frames in this manhwa is more as if looking at mold, a rotting house, and a picture frame of all the mildew, all the broken windows, the vines creeping up in different places, utlimately contributing to this really sickening, disgusting ball of dread knotting itself inside my stomach, more painful as i read further. i remember dry heaving so many times because i had thought the exact things geom had.
i think, even though my university life has been quite unfortunate so far, with continuous sexual assaults, more IPV, sexual violence, and almost being forced into sex work through circumstances since i had enrolled a year and a half ago, geom's experience gives me a lot of hope that maybe, if i keep enduring, i could find my own wooyeon and yeonseo, maybe next month, maybe in the next 6 months, maybe if i keep reaching out, no matter how many times it seems the hands which reach back are predators who want to assault me once more.
sometimes, oftentimes, i feel a little bitter. if i was prettier, maybe my wooyeon and yeonseo would've come faster. sometimes, i wonder if i even deserve to identify with geom because of how grotesque i feel to myself. and when my first college year didnt go like his, i was also very disappointed. i felt let down. university was meant to be the point where my life turned around, yet it seemed our paths diverged. i mean, hopefully, that means i won't end up like him. i don't really want to get trafficked again.
either way, i really, really am thankful to in herin for writing this amazing piece. i honestly owe her my life. im currently pursuing non-profit work in anti human trafficking, womens and childrens shelters, while also working toward an eventual education major after my four years of english.
i mean, if geom can survive anything, i can too.
You are such a strong person. I really admire you. I dont know if it makes any difference because you might have heard these words all the timebut dont lose hope it gets better. You making sure other people dontend up like you is admirable, honestly what you are doing is very meaningful so keep it up.
do y’all genuinely pop a moral boner and that’s why u hate read 37 chapters bc u repeatedly bust a moral orgasm every time u complain about how horrible and evil the author & readers are like OUGGHHH IM SUCH A GOOD PERSON OUGHHHHH LOOK AT ALL THESE EVIL PERVERTS OUGHHHHH IM CUMMMINGGGGGGQHHHHHHH AHHHH HAHHHH im so a good person… haaah….can’t wait to do this again in 12 hours…..
minho real asf icl he reminds me of me with w my ex frfr
Everyone says “rapists need a taste of their own medicines until the fictional rapist gets a taste of their own medicine fake #darkwoke
btw the mc raped the ML so badly when they were in HS and ML was 15, and MC was 18, that ML’s mom went insane when she found out and ended up in a psych ward
ML did everything to MC that MC did to him, in fact MC did worse
No, you're so real for that. I was confused why ML did all that to MC until I saw someone say that MC raped/gangraped(?) ML when they were younger. Isn't it unfair that the ML is the only one being tormented after all that, while the MC just forgot about it? Not justifying ML's actions btw but I understand the reason behind hid actions ngl
Yea well, the most controversial one didn't come from the revenge itself. It got so bad even the writer has to revised one of the scene, people are mad and disgusted, even though lots readers hate Jiwook but some of Juyeon's actions are just too far. Never a revenge shaped like that. They're right about Juyeon is the solve of a problem called Jiwook. But man..idk, some if the actions that comes later are too much.
Well actually things that got revised isn't juyeon's part, but jiwook's part. Jiwook was EVIL EVIL, he recorded women non consensually, that's what make the author revised bc jiwook's victims are women. Jiwook also gang raped women.
the revise they're referring to is juyeon making jiwook get fucked by a dog
fr （￣へ￣）
And that's actually jiwook's doing. Jiwook was desperate for sex he made the dog lick his penis and juyeon got mad about it. ... So YEAH it's jiwook's part mostly
We sure read a different webnovel aren't we
gang raping women repeatedly for years is worse than that. It’s grosser yeah and more morally shocking but the scale of it is much more negligent.
I read the web novel too jiwook is genuinely insufferable
nah cuz y’all be saying a rapist is worse than a dog sooooooo don’t clam up now, bitches be like “we should do animal experimentation on rapists!!” “the prison will take care of him, hope he drops the soap” “rapists deserve the worst!!!” And maybe the third worst happens and y’all be like too far too far!!
do y’all actually hate rapists or do u just spout that shit thinking rapists are some faraway concept and not actual humans u guys feel bad for when u ACTUALLY see them suffer?
If this is ur reaction to a fictional gang rapist suffering and getting humiliated then u guys don’t actually wanna see rapists suffer lmfao
Newsflash, rapists can be sympathetic, they’re still humans with thoughts and feelings after all. Doesn’t mean they don’t still deserve to suffer. Just don’t spout some self righteous shit, hate read 37 chapters, and say “rapists deserve to suffer.” cuz clearly yall can’t handle seeing ur wish actually come to fruition even in fiction.
WHAT OH MY GOD THAT SHITS TERRIBLE
Idk where you read brah, but jiwook's the one craving D and he did that to dog and juyeon's find out about it and he got mad and that shi happen
WHO! IS! THAT! BADDIE! WITH! THE! BRAIDS!!!!!
Haven’t read this since early 2025 but I will always yearn to see mister emo dog getting butt fucked
It's dooshik in a disguise
PLEASE LET ME SEE MASTER YUN GET FUCKED PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE HONTOKU PLEASE ILL SACRIFICE SO MANY OF MY FIRST BORN CHILSREN FOR YOU PLEEEEASSE OH MY GOD PLEASE