ani's Things

I'm just gonna be quick and say my dad's a piece of shit and please I don't want comments like: " oh you should be lucky you even have a dad" you can have him because I'm so done. All day I have been stressing myself because I have an assignment due tomorrow and next tomorrow I have a test, and I had overdue maths work, so all day I have been trying to catch up with my maths work, and I had my phone beside me because me and my study friends planned to study for our test, but they kept getting busy so we had to keep pushing the time further and eventually we couldn't do it because it was too late. And while I was doing my work all of a sudden I hear my dad shouting my name and I heard :"come upstairs", as in come upstairs and go to bed and it's so annoying because first of all it's holiday why do I have a bed time and second of all I dedicated the rest of my night to finish this work, and if I don't he would start shouting at me so it's like why won't you let me finish my work? So I started packing up to go upstairs and when I got upstairs he was shouting at me saying that he will 'beat me if I ever make him wait' and that I should 'respond immediately and come upstairs when he's calling my name' and I was so confused because I was packing up the whole time, I wasn't messing around or wasting time and I was also confused because a few hours ago we were cool and I wasn't near him to piss him off so what happened now? He didn't say anything else so I went to my room to offload all the stuff I brought upstairs and he starts shouting at me again saying that: "oh I didn't tell you to leave and you left and you still haven't answered me blah blah blah" and I said that:" I thought you called me to come upstairs what else is there to say" then he was like "don't you ever assume the reason I called you I didn't call you for that" and meanwhile in all of this he still hasn't said the reason why he called me btw and out of annoyance he told me to go and change, so I went to my room to change right and while changing I could hear him shouting for my mum and when he got my mums attention he was just shouting at her saying that she doesn't monitor me properly and how I use my phone too much. I was so shocked because I have not touched my phone once for anything else except to study and why was he complaining now and not a few hours earlier? I've realised that my parents like showing who's boss from time to time and belittle me and make me feel like shit, that's how sometimes I'll be using my phone and my mum would just come up and take it away and say I've been using it too much when I've only used it for 30 mins out of THE WHOLE DAY, like it doesn't add up at this point, they're bored. So I finished changing and went back to my dad or else I wouldn't hear the end of it then he just started going on and on about how I use my phone too much and how I've been pushing the limit because before I was only allowed to use to go to school (basically they took my phone away bc they found out I had a bf, and was reading through my text and was texting my friends pretending to be me to see what other 'bad' things they're doing, basically embarrassed me in front of them and my boyfriend, my dad threatened to come to my school and tell my teachers abt how I have a bf, and also threaten my bf to go to HIS school and embarrass him too, when they finally gave back my phone it was for school use only after school I could not touch it, so that's what my dads referring too..) and he was talking about how I'm only 13 and shouldn't be using my phone.. like why give me the phone if I can't use it? And he was threatening me about how if I continue he would take my phone away for longer this time, and then I was trying to explain why I had my phone and how it was for work then he cut me off and said I was shouting and how I should stop shouting or he would slap me and told me to get out so I left, and was crying in my room, and as I was getting into bed my mum came in and was just staring and then I said "what" then she was like:"what do you mean by what" and of course she's angry because my dad shouted at her so now she shouting at me... so I explained what happened and she just left and I just sat in my bed and was crying, I couldn't breathe so I was trying to calm myself by saying that I only have 5 years left then I can leave, it's only 5, but even with that when I move out what happens next? I don't know what I want to be, I can't imagine myself living past 30 ( I'm not even trying to be suicidial when saying this but I have no aspirations in life honestly) I was just thinking if it's better to kms since I have nobody and nothing but kms with what? A knife? With pills? I'm too scared to do anything, and amongst all of this crying, my dad comes into my room asking if I'm awake and he looks like he's smiling. He thinks this is a joke, he can make me feel like shit and then says sorry and everything is fine like no I'm not having it. But if I don't accept his apology I'm a bad person, I have an attitude. I said I didn't want to talk to him so he left. This is emotional manipulation right? Or what is it because I'm going insane and I don't know what to do please help
PS I also forgot to say that my dad knows I'm suicidial and still acts like this
Please help guys I don't know what to do, am I overreacting? Oh and I'm sorry if anyone got triggered while reading this. It wasn't my intention at all. Sorry this is so long too