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Did you ever hurt yourself intentionally? Did you enjoy it?
I'm not depressed and I don't think I'm all that emotional, but when I actively hate myself it somehow feels good and safe. When I tremble with rage, insult myself and hit myself, that's when I like myself the most. I've never cut or anything, I don't want to leave permanent scars, but I like leaving huge bruises, seeing them and pressing on them so it hurts. And if I'm calm and happy with my self for prolonged period of time it somehow feels a bit disgusting and unclean compared to when it hurts. Just a bit tho. How weird is that?
Yea I did. For a while actually, I felt as if I could do one thing right (hurting myself) that meant I could be worth it. When I looked down at the bruises or the shallow cuts that wouldn’t leave scars, I felt like I achieved something and it helped calm me down and put an ease to my head that I COULD actually do something right and not fuck it u...... 1 reply
