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I'm gonna die (T.W.)
I think something was always wrong with me. Ever since I was a child. My mom sent me to a course to learn English because other neighbors were doing the same with their kids. I was 10. She wanted me to go to a languages high school and pursue English even in university. I tried to voice my opinion and said I didn't want to be an English teacher. I begged her. I said I'll be a regular teacher, not an English one. She started saying "...then what about all the money that will go to waste? All our efforts?" Dad took her side. I wasn't doing well in high school. I was so depressed I cut myself. I have scars all over my wrist and legs. I tried to kill myself three times. I was forced to take the uni entrance exam, which I passed. The first day I had to go to uni I took more than 100 pills in hopes that I don't have to wake up and see the ligh of day again. Too bad they didn't work. I was failing uni too. When they finally saw that I was failing and started listening to me and said that I didn't want to be an English teacher, they blamed me. They said that it was me that wanted this. I was the one that said I wanted to be an English teacher. I dropped out. They sent me to a technology course, to a math course, and I got accepted in university for Computer Science. I loved it. I was doing so well there. I don't have a job. My sister and my parents got a small apartment and I and my sister live there until I finish university and get a job. Now they're threatening to not pay for the apartment anymore and they said fuck your university just because I don't give them a call every day. Because sometimes me and my sister argue. They're religious and they said that the devil is messing with my mind. I can't go to uni now. I don't know what to do anymore. The only choice I have is just to off myself.
The last sentence is so stupid. Stop gaslighting yourself into thinking the only choice is suicide. Are you not old enough to realise that there is always a way out.
What you can do now is:
1. look for a job that you can do on the weekends or during the week when you have free time
2. pause university and look for a full time job work in wareho...... 2 reply
Hello! Killing yourself isn’t your only choice, and here some avenues you can take to find a support system:
1.) crowdfund. Typically places like Twitter and TikTok have a ton of crowdfunders, and it doesn’t hurt to try. I’ve seen black disabled queer folk who have nothing going for them in life raise enough money for food repeatedly, so if ...... reply
