Relapse sh

I know this is probably not the right place for this but I have no one to talk to and nowhere to go
I self harmed again after four years of being clean and I’m just really scared
Nothing in my life is going right everything I do seems to go wrong nothing working out for me
My family hates me
I hate myself
My friends probably hate me
I’m becoming like my sister which is not a good thing
She’s a liar and a cheater and a thief she lied to my parents their whole life so it’s not basically an insult whenever my parents tell me I’m exactly like her
I see her in every little move I make and it’s affecting my life
I failed a course in uni and I haven’t told my parents which is exactly what she used to do
It’s still my first year of uni and I’m already creating many problems for them
More than she did
I seriously am becoming the worst version of myself and I’m so scared I don’t wanna live anymore
I’m done disappointing people
I hate lying yet I find myself lying at the smallest things just like she does
My sisters pointed it out
They’re saying they can’t trust what I say anymore
I’ve always hated lying
I don’t know how everything I’m doing I can’t control
I don’t wanna become like her
I don’t my parents to hate me
I don’t want them to see her in me
I’m so fucking scared
I’m becoming her
Every time I try to change it Circles back
It never works out
I don’t wanna do this anymore