perceived as a loser

i got sexually harassed a bunch of times as a kid and teenagers which is probably normal for most women. it never got to penetration, just touches and sometimes trapping me in a corner so i can’t run.

i don’t know if im wrongly using that as an excuse but intimacy scares me now and i have had a boyfriend because everyone brings up sex at some point. i don’t even want to kiss or anything. the idea disgusts me. i don’t know if i’m being conservative or those experiences made me view sex as disgusting. i don’t know.

but anyways i’m turning 22 this year and everyone keeps asking about my boyfriend and i have none and it feels pathetic. it is pathetic.