Rate how evil I am

On a scale of 1-10
So my dad is the absolute worst, narcissistic, mysiognistic, self important, wife beater and children harasser... he's oppressive and the only line he hasn't crossed is sexual abuse, he's a veteran in all other fields of abuse.
He ruined my mum, nearly caused her to off herself multiple times until she finally ran away, he treats me and all women like trash...I fuqin hate him...it actually hurts to go in detail, I hope I painted the picture well enough.

Anyway I've turned 18 and I want to leave home, I've made plans, I literally have just a few more days left...butttt... I'm scared for my siblings, I feel so guilty and I really don't want them to suffer in my place, I wish I could run away with them but I can't...at least not right now...and so I'm stuck literally praying my dad dies, he makes life hell for those around him anyway.

So today, he yelled my name desperately, came to find him suffering severe chest pains (this is the second time, Ion know if it counts as a heart attack but he refuses to get diagnosed)
And at the moment, I wasn't terrified of the prospects he could die...no I was terrified at the fact that I nearly cackled...I hardly kept a straight face as I watched him in pain... I'm very sensitive when it comes to people's pain...but I'm honestly scared that trauma is deadening me inside.
What do you think?