Genuinely how do you guys motivate yourself to live

Guys, genuine question. How do you keep going in life? I want to hear from the depressed people or someone who got out of it. Everything fucking sucks lately, I'm a hot mess and I'm fully aware of it, but I don't take steps to improve my situation. I'm always hanging on by a thread and no matter how much I clean my room or shower myself and get shit done, THAT feeling is still there. It's like I permanently can't get rid of it. I started feeling this way during the pandemic lockdown (if that's even relevant) and hasn't been the same ever since. It's like no matter how much time I spend on romanticizing my life, buying cute shit and everything, nothing happens. I'm still the same old mess.

I genuinely don't know what to do with my life anymore. I do want to get into therapy, but that'd be just another financial burden on my parents since I don't have a job to fund my own needs yet. I'm genuinely trying everyday, I'm not like those textbook depressed people who refuses to clean — I ALWAYS clean and I still feel like shit. Nobody sees anything wrong with me because I'm apparently functioning “normally”

I have no other people to talk about this to, so I'm just venting here. I'm so jealous of people who has someone close they can talk to about their problems. But I don't, so I'm leaving it here.

I just wish I can get better, someday. If I don't kill myself, that is. I have hopes and dreams too, but it's starting to get all blurry when all I have in mind is how shitty I feel every single day, it feels endless.
I genuinely don't know if there's even a point anymore.