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it happened with "protect your purity" and it's happening with "love order" again. i dont think i can do it, im getting ptsd, my retroactive jealousy OCD is getting triggered so hard, i don't blame anyone either, it's a me problem. idk why im like this. i have 0 idea. virgin X experienced dynamic makes me nauseous, it's giving me so much anxiety, and overall such bad feeling. one part of it is power imbalance, as i dont like power imbalances, but there's another part, idk. i cant pinpoint what exactly it is, but I js can't digest a trope like this. i cant shake it off. even seeing the cover of the story (in updates) gives me anxiety and a flood of bad nauseous feeling. it feels like i have to emotionally cut myself off and distance myself. this problem makes it harder to engage with any story. i mean what's the point of reading a story if im not even reading it with my heart in it? and ofcourse i stop reading these stories (if i can, i avoid these stories at the first place like a plague) but the fact that i even started those in first place is enough to make me attached to the story and now everytime i will see the cover i get reminded of story and it triggers my anxiety so bad. it's driving me insane. i think i need to stop reading for a while. this is not normal, i know, but i js cant seem to escape this cage. it's giving me so much palpitations and nausea. like im being cheated on or something.