enjwoii (≧∀≦)
journal front cover:
yes i got it as a gift from a family member. ignore the pharmaceutical name (T_T)
the butterfly chain is a bracelet which broke so i attached it here (^v^)
journal first page:
ofcourse satoru and suguru together, AND my husband nanami kento 3 reply
not recommended it tasted a bit bad, not like, super bad or anything. i live in a city where it's like super polluted, and one time it got so bad we were living in like, 750+ AQI. so, yeah, it kind of felt like that. infact, living in 750+ AQI air was worse than smoking that one cigerette (i mean, duh!). i do NOT recommend smoking a cigarette thoug...... 2 reply
so, i watched the movie glass onions:knives out and benoit blanc was in the bath playing among us, and then we hear him address phillip to answer the door, during the video call. now this movie is set in lockdown time so why would a whole another person be in his house during a fricking pandemic?!? later we see phillip answering the door and he's ...... reply
i swear to god, i can NOT move on from them. what kind of drug gege put while writing these two?(T_T) i just love them so much, they are so dear to me. they feel like real people, their dynamic is so fleshed out. to be honest, what makes them feel so hypnotising is that it felt like they were in their own world, like something so natural. i cannot ...... 2 reply
so being chronically online on youtube pushed me into the trend of "catching print" which js means that you determine a man's dick size by looking at their pants. so now whenever i'm reading a yaoi, i catch print, and then check whether artist is true to size or not XD. most of the times the print is B+ yet the size would always be D. that's crazy ...... reply
our brains are wired to feel familial about our family relations. thats why step-siblings also feel wierd if they were step siblings from the very start and like, didnt know they were not related by blood. however, in asia the step sibling to lover thing is kinda common idk why? theres a video on it on youtube about it. ( https://youtu.be/mE_MH2Ne...... 2 reply
try brisk walking. if your weight is too much, the impact can be felt in your knees if you run(or even jog) so try brisk walking. watch a yt video on correct posture in walking and stride. you can invest in a kneecap (?), and try to walk slowwwwllly for a few steps or rounds to check where exactly and why the pain is there. 1 reply
bc indian MEN are soooooo fucking infuriating. and women also say it to fit in i think, but i have always hated it. Indians have a "racism" problem. southasia might be THE MOST racist part of the world rn ig. im indian as well and i have never liked it when indians say the n word. bc they never read and know abt world history. and most of them are ...... reply
need it too (where both of them are old, im not into the age gap propaganda lmao)
i only know -
naked sword and the tree peony of black
dogusare dandies
40 x 40 chikuwa kaigi
die in my arms (they're 37 in main story but don't look it lmao)
jiji no koi 1 reply
3. Women speaking for themselves are exclusionary and selfish.
4. Women’s opinions are violence against men, thus male violence against women is justified.
5. Women and Feminism must be useful to men or they are worthless.
6. Women who go around being female AT men by menstruating and breastfeeding babies deserve punishment.
7. Women should always be grateful to men for everything.
8. Men are whatever men say they are and women are whatever men say they are.
9. Men always know the “real reasons” for everything women do and say.
10. The worst thing about male violence is that it makes men look bad.
11. Whatever women suffer from, it is worse when it happens to men.
12. Women’s ability to recognize male behavior patterns is misandry.
13. Angry women are crazy. Angry men have trouble expressing themselves.
14. Women have all the rights they need: The right to remain silent.
15. Men are the default human. Women are strange subhuman others.
16. Everyone owns and controls women’s bodies except the women themselves.
I came across these rules and it made me realise that alot of bad faith arguments as well as all the crimes and discrimination can be traced back to these points.
it happened with "protect your purity" and it's happening with "love order" again. i dont think i can do it, im getting ptsd, my retroactive jealousy OCD is getting triggered so hard, i don't blame anyone either, it's a me problem. idk why im like this. i have 0 idea. virgin X experienced dynamic makes me nauseous, it's giving me so much anxiety, and overall such bad feeling. one part of it is power imbalance, as i dont like power imbalances, but there's another part, idk. i cant pinpoint what exactly it is, but I js can't digest a trope like this. i cant shake it off. even seeing the cover of the story (in updates) gives me anxiety and a flood of bad nauseous feeling. it feels like i have to emotionally cut myself off and distance myself. this problem makes it harder to engage with any story. i mean what's the point of reading a story if im not even reading it with my heart in it? and ofcourse i stop reading these stories (if i can, i avoid these stories at the first place like a plague) but the fact that i even started those in first place is enough to make me attached to the story and now everytime i will see the cover i get reminded of story and it triggers my anxiety so bad. it's driving me insane. i think i need to stop reading for a while. this is not normal, i know, but i js cant seem to escape this cage. it's giving me so much palpitations and nausea. like im being cheated on or something.
what is a song you associate SO MUCH with a character/ship that verytime you listen to it, it reminds you of them? eg. mr. loverman – ashx eiji (banana fish) and ofCOURSE this part is for gojo x geto (jjk) "the ways in which you talk to me"–SUGURU "have me wishing i were gone"–SATORU
i personally do not understand why there's so much rape in yaoi. and it's not a recent thing either. alot of older yaoi(finder series, gravitation, dakaichi, etc) have rape in it. and some of the older resident fujoshis still talk about those in nostalgic way, even though they know it did have rape and SA and other problematic elements in it. all the popular yaoi have mostly been filled with rape, no matter the time. why do you think this normalisation of SA comes from? if yaoi is mostly catered to women, doesn't it make more sense that women would feel negatively about rape in stories since women are victims of such crimes irl more than men? so what could be the possible reasons? is this some kind of sick rape revenge mentality? or is it a sick fetish of wanting to rape men if they were a man? it's something that feels so misogynist even though i cant put down a finger where. i want to know this from a person who's been a "resident fujoshi/fudanshi" and was in the yaoi genre early on (late 00s or early 10s maybe?) I have been in the BL community since 2018-19 and rape is something i have never understood. i personally don't read yuri this much, but overall yuri doesn't have this much normalisation of rape (as much as i have seen atleast). that doesn't mean yuri genre doesn't have problematic stories, it just isn't as mainstream to have a rape scene in yuri. so why do you think yaoi has so much rape and SA? what could be the reason behind it?
yeah the title is funny but hear me out, i'm bi. but sometimes i feel like I'm so fricking gay. like, i don't even want men or something (also bc men are so fucking uncompetetive when it comes to dating i've given up before even trying). and i love women (★v★) lately i am feeling like i can't find men attractive anymore, not bc their looks or anything (well, most of them are chopped anyway) but more bc of their personality. it's like they NEVER consider women as true humans, even the most feminist of men will still look at women as women first and not consider them as true humans (for some reason, they're incapable of this, idk) and women are so nice and amazing and i love them! but i do feel attraction to men's faces/features though. it's like i see men as muses, i love the idea of them, but i never myself give them the liberty of being “them”. they should be perfect men in order for me to be like, yeah i like this guy. maybe i'm a #womaninmalefields. with women, i'm more of an observer, if I like a woman, i like her completely, i don't put her in bounds, i enjoy her company, i like listening to her opinions. with men, it's like i am walking on eggshells, that he'll say something that is so baffling i won't even believe he's serious. it feels like i'm constantly watching my footsteps or being conscious around them. it feels like a cognitive dissonance, to like someone whom i also am afraid of, in general. this makes me drift towards women, but where i live, being open in a wlw relationships is not only problematic, people find it either “not real” or fetishize it. the jokes of “scissoring” or the boys thinking i look at women the same way they look at women, and how they degrade women and think they're complementing them. while straight women either dismiss me being bi or question me endlessly on what is my type in women, or if i like them, and if not, why? also, I find it wierd when straight women flirt with me in a friendly manner, i know they're joking and it's fine mostly, but it would be so wierd if *i* do the same, bc then it would feel awkward, as i DO INFACT am capable of romantically liking women. so my flirting is seen as serious while theirs is not. i'm sorry if it felt like a rant. bc it was lol. it's like i'm battling with this dilemma of finding men attractive while also knowing they are in general, VILE people who don't look at women as humans. and finding women attractive but feeling like an odd one out bc i am scared to be in a relationship with a woman in the society i live in, it won't be considered serious enough, or real enough, and i'm a person who doesn't like doing casual relationships, so what if we're commited and parents are against it? and society shuns is? we get beaten up or worse things like that? i need to get financially independent. i don't even know how to approach a woman bc it feels so scary, what if she's not into women and feels threatened by me?(people in my area don't have good image of people attracted to same gender, they find it 'wierd') i end up being in this place where i feel like i'm not straight enough for the heterosexuals and not gay enough for the homosexuals. and i feel like i have no hope for romance in my life.
