Mochi's Topics (25)

Haven't translated the recent chap yet, but Garam seems to be taking small steps towards healing! Also first Heejae appearance in so long so kinda nervous ://

Man, I can't even reread this anymore. All I see is a dumb bitch who fumbled my man Garam everytime Heejae shows up.

SICK. SICK TO MY FUCKING STOMACH. THERE IS NO REDEEMING YOUR ASS HEEJAE. FUCK EVERYTHING I SAID ABT YOU CHANGING. I NEED TO SEE YOU IN PAIN. YOU SHOULD'VE BEEN THE ONE ON GARAM'S PLACE.

Heejae you motherfucker.

Chapters 200-210 was a constant portrayal of Heejae's inability to see perceive himself as anything more beyond a knife—he knows he's wrong. He's guilty. He admits that he does not like seeing a pained expression on Garam's face. Yet, at the end of every thought, as if incessantly, he hammers himself back into a blade and continues his abuse. Thus, even when faced with his lover's pleas, he chooses to drive the knife further, as though convinced that this is the only thing he knows how to do.

Garam believes that Heejae can change, but does Heejae share that belief?

Garam's attempt to set his foot down and be vocal of what he needs from this relationship is evidence of this, but is received by Heejae as nothing more than a threat to the character that he had always believed himself to be—an attack to his foundation. Constantly, he asks, "Why should I change myself?" and silently, Garam lets it go, granting him, yet another chance to change. The irony of the situation is: everyone around him has altered themselves one way or another to accommodate his sharp edges, and he, oblivious to that fact, is the only one who refuses to meet them halfway. We see this change most prominently in Garam, as Sanders has frequently pointed out in previous chapters. What strikes Garam different is that while he has changed—colder, according to Sanders—he is able to preserve his warmth. The change he displays is moreso akin to the ice sheet that covers the surface of a lake in winter, keeping the water underneath fluid.

Garam believes that Heejae can change, but his belief is held only by his affections for the man, and each time the man brandishes his knife, his belief wavers.

The pair's confrontation during the car ride was Garam's final effort—an honest endeavour to see past the man that continues to hurt him, and view only the man that he loves. But when Heejae questions this love, he simultaneously cuts the thread that has been keeping the scars that he caused closed.

Garam leaving was his conclusive and unequivocal decision to stop the cycle of hurt—Garam no longer believes Heejae can change.

Note:

What a way to end the season! Am honestly very nervous as to what's going to happen next chap so I might have to let it marinate for a while seeing as Heejae HAS said in previous chapters that he plans to ruin Garam's career if he leaves. I don’t know what bullshit that guy plans to pull, all I know is that I am NOT excited for it.

As for season 6, if ever there are plans for a reunion between the two, I hope it is only after Heejae really proves himself to have changed for the better and ACTUALLY puts in the effort to make up for all the shit that he's done (I'm actually gonna crash out if this ends up like jinx), otherwise he needs to stay in the past lol. Anyway, I trust BDK will be able to deliver another peak season as they always do.

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First he refuses to say "I'm sorry," now he doesn't wanna say "I love you" either, so WHAT THE FUCK DO ACTUALLY WANNA DO HUH? Do u even want this to work???

I fear Garam needs to teach this guy a lesson and just up and leave in the middle of the night. Get this bitch chasing.

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Not his geriatric ass forgetting, smh

"I was just shouting whatever came to mind. Garam's playing was absolutely flawless."—yes, we know lol.

But yeah, this clarified Compton's character for me, as well as validated the empathy that I was able to sustain for him since the previous chapters now that we know that apart from being the first student, he also used to be a huge fan of Heejae. The cut dug deeper for him since it's possible that unlike the others, his primary motivation to study under Heejae went beyond just having the privilege of being taught by a powerhouse in classical music, but also as a way to fulfill his dreams of playing alongside the person he looks up to. While Heejae's relationship with the rest may have came as purely transactional—both parties merely using each other as means to achieve individual greatness—it was personal for Compton, and the fall from the initial high hit him the hardest. It's a different kind of disappointment to be ripped into by the very person who inspired your craft. It's a feeling that's just so utterly humiliating and soul shredding to have mistakenly assumed a character out of someone based solely on the ecstasy you felt watching from afar, not realizing the kind of person lingering under that controlled facade. No wonder he left to conduct.

Anyway, repeat it with me: Heejae is the villain.

Idc if its bc he's undiagnosed or smth, his stubborn ass is obv aware that there's something up with him, he just can't be bothered with it. Like, he has a home in NYC for f's sake, it's not like he's stuck in Korea where mental health is still highly stigmatized. Smh, I hope Mamdani can fix this guy.

I mean tbf, this reaction was building itself up from the ground since the beginning of Compton and Garam's concerto contract. At its peak, Compton was fully convinced that he's found himself another soul to share the brunt of Heejae's hatred, and Garam, being backed into a corner, played into that.

It all comes crashing down when he's disillusioned by that scene of Garam and Heejae at the art gallery. To him, that is Garam being given the very thing that he so yearns for from Heejae. Like a piece of candy dangled in front of a child, he's being taunted by that scene. It gnaws at him deeply, betrayed by the alliance he thought he had. So, truly, him targeting Garam the very next day was to be expected.

What I am nervous about is how far he intends to take this seeing as he had just been throwing objects at his orchestra a few chapters ago. Moreover, I do think that whatever hate Compton gets as a character, should also extend to Heejae as they're essentially the same abusive bitch, only in different fonts. What cushions Heejae's character is his relationship with Garam and the fact that he's been treating him well the past chapters. But fundamentally, without Garam to reel him back, he's still the same piece of shit (as evidenced by how he treats orchestra members in his solo tour while Garam was away at London), just not deceptively manipulative like Compton as he's rather straightforward with his abuse.

Whatever warmth he was able to foster exists only as a product for his consideration to Garam, and not because he truly cares about the people in his immediate surroundings like Garam does.