Psychological Counseling

i recently turned 15 and ive been dreading becoming an adult in a few years and idk how to do a lot of basic skills + social skills, idk how to handle myself or how i would handle my future, ive been so anxious since i was like 13 cuz once i grw up i realized id have to take on the role of what i usually see people do for me and then id do it for other kids but no one taught me hpw to do it it might not be a big deal but its probably gonna have an impact on me and i might become a shut in unless i do my last resort. Coz rn its summer so i got summer depression and thought shiet idw be here anymore i found expired(?) pills in my cabinet and ive been thinking everyday whether to do it or not and classes are almost starting and i hate school thinking about it makes me lean onto the decision of yes but i thought about the costs of funerals and stuff so it weighed in my head,, its beenlke 1-2 montths and even if people call it a stupid decision would it really be stupid considering the state the world is in rn?? i feel indifferent to it becoz i thoughf about my friends and family but even if i do enjoy being with them and ido care about them, at the end of the day, i still feel like shit and a lot goes on in my mind, its not like i really want to do it i just dont want to live my life here i already messed up some parts of my life and i can make a change if i wanted to but theres no point if i dont have the will to do it ,,, does anyone relate pls Say Yes