Falling Inlove

i have a question, how do you know you are in love with someone and not trying to make something out of nothing?

so i would like to say i’ve been in love with people, but sometimes i just question if i really know what love is. i think i’ve experienced being loved romantically, but i’d also like to say platonically as well. i’ll give my experience below:

i’ve dated about three people in my life, and each one was different. the first one i know was platonic because i was young and wanted to fit in as did the other person. the second time was in eighth grade and i feel like i really could’ve liked them if i tried but i found to many faults i couldn’t accept bc i feel like it wasn’t real. i feel bad about it because i lead the person on. we are still friends and talk from time to times.

but the third time i felt like it was real. atleast on my side? i don’t know, it was a while ago. we barely keep in touch now, i still think about them but i don’t know if i’m really in love or making something out of nothing... i don’t know but it seems you feel more when u know it’s true then when you are not sure and don’t know.

i used to get butterflies with their voice and got anxious when we hung out at each other’s houses. but the more time i saw them the more i felt something and i wasn’t sure if it was a good or bad feeling... i would notice a lot of things in their daily lives that they did that would make me uncomfortable and you know i noticed a lot of flaws with people and usually i don’t care and don’t think anything of it. and i’ve heard that if you really love someone then even their flaws will be beautiful but i found them rather unattractive. i don’t know if that’s just me being judgmental bc i do tend to be(not on purpose) in my daily life.

i also wanted something more then they did. and we worked and worked on things but sometimes i couldn’t give it my all. and i might be putting a lot of the weight on myself but i truly felt like it. and even now i don’t think i’m pointing out anything but their flaws so i’ll point out somethings i found beautiful.

they would dance to anything, which sometimes went inappropriate with the moment, like bad moments i mean. and they would laugh at the dumbest memes ever. i wouldn’t even find them funny i would just laugh bc their laugh was contagious. they always say cross legged no matter what they were sitting on. even a counter. i found it truly funny and amazingly cute but i don’t know if these are fickle things. they just come to mind when i think about them. i wonder if i really love them when i found more flaws than good...?

i’m not trying to get back together with them bc they are already with somebody else and i won’t ruin that for them now. i just want to come to terms with my feelings.