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pls help
so i have been dating my bf for 6 years now and we wanna get married. my parents are happy and support our decision whereas his family will only allow it if i give up my identity i.e change my name to match their ethnicity, shift to their locality and totally integrate into their culture. no compromises. since this is a long standing tradition my bf is in favor of it but i am hesitant to do so bc i take great pride in the name my parents have given me, my culture and identity as a whole. what do you guys think i should do? would it really be worth it to give up my own sense of self for the sake of love?
guys this was actually just a thought experiment, but i assure you that this is a real phenomena that happens to my ppl all the time, BOTH men and women give up their identity to marry the person they love from this specific ethnicity. since i've never fallen in love nor have i ever been in a relationship- i struggle to understand how they could ju...... 2 reply
Girl no fuck that man and fuck his family if they won’t accept you for who you are, and he supportive of his family decision of not accepting you for your identity then you guys clearly need to have a talk and sort out your feelings if you guys weren’t together for so long, I would have just said leave him and find someone better but you guys h...... reply
Consider if you want them as in-laws. Many divorces happen because of people OTHER than your partner. And in many cases the in-laws are the reason.
If they are so demanding NOW can you imagine what they'll be like when you're essentially under their control via your husband? If he doesn't even flinch at their suggestions or step up for you, it's ...... reply
Giving up yourself for love???
Then what the heck does your bf even love about you if your about to give up your whole identity???
Is that even love anymore ;_; reply
My hot take on this is that it depends on your boyfriend culture that you reverting to like is a culture you're curious and open to adopt as a lifestyle or do you have some reservations towards it and will you be able to keep some part of your culture to indulge doing from time to time too , if so i think you should do it but at least ask your bf t...... 1 reply
Adding to what the others have been saying, oppression always starts like this.
Now you "just" have to change your name and give up your identity but what's next?
Assuming that this is targeted at women, it's really indicative for how this culture views women. You have to fully subjugate yourself to a man and his family. ESPECIALLY since your boyfr...... reply
Your bf never loved you for who you are if he is so adamant about you changing your identity. Fight this.
If I'm marrying someone I would never ask them to change their identity because at that point, I would love them wholly and unconditionally for who they are. That's why I'd marry them in the FIRST place.
Also, this conversation should have be...... reply
No compromises?? If they do not have the empathy to understand that your culture and identity is as important to you as theirs is to them, then I think it will be an ongoing problem. If you already now encourage that their culture is worth more than yours, then I’m afraid it might subconsciously become a general attitude towards you.
And to be ...... reply
