consensual but was it actually?

i am friends with a guy who’s 4 years older than me who is pursuing graduate studies and i am an undergrad.

we met through a club and second semester we realized he was my ta for a class last semester. we grew super close super quick but we never wanted to date each other. we text each other on a daily basis with good morning and goodnight texts.

friends would make fun of us for hanging out but we found some comfort in each other.

he wanted to set boundaries because he got scared of rumours but we didn’t and we stayed close friends. he was there for me when i needed help when i started meds and then he said he doesn’t want me to be emotional dependant on him.

we continue being friends and lines started to be crossed. touchy and close and then one day i’m sitting on him and there’s sexual tension. i asked if i could kiss him and he said no which i respected but everything else was fine. everything else was on the table but not the one thing i wanted.

we hooked up consensually and halfway through i was tired and wanted to stop but he said ‘we aren’t quitters, you have to come’. i faked it to get out of the situation but its making me feel gross and shitty for thinking that it was assault even though i consented.

he claimed there was never a power dynamic involved but it really felt like there was.

am i overthinking the assault and our friendship?