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I feel so guilty for judging my siblings for the way they treat my parents. My parents are horrible people, I thought I had come a long way and that I learned to separate myself from them, but even after all this time, I keep thinking about them and worrying about how my siblings treat them.

Everyone reacts differently around trauma and abuse, I feel as though I've grown to normalize it towards myself, I expect people to hate me and point fingers at me while laughing, in a way, it's like telling myself that I'm the problem when I was the child being abused. I've dissociated their actions from them and now any time I remember how i had my head bashed against walls and body bruised up, I can't remember how they looked doing it. I also realize that a pattern appeared, that whenever we fight and it gets physical, I end up the one clinging to them and giving them affection.

My siblings are not the same, some of them are violent, I get why, and they vary in the severeness, my eldest sister whom I never even spoke to properly once in my entire life, resents my parents alot, my other sisters always tell me about the things she says about them, and even though both of us endured the same pain, we grew to have much different outlooks in life, and i feel like it's an instinct for me to feel repulsed anytime I hear how she speaks with our parents, I even judge her in my head, but seconds later, I realize it and feel extremely guilty

I guess even though my parents are horrible, a part of me understands why they're so fucked up in the head, my mum was literally born in an extremist traditionalist family during a war and my dad lived in poverty having to take responsibility of 13 siblings because my grandfather was a manwhore. They both endured so much and pretty much no one present in their life to be their anchor. I cant be mad at these people, they suffered so much, they're old now and fighting them just gets both parties hurt so I just stepped out of the house and went low contact with them. I don't get why my eldest sister bothers herself so much with them, or even go to such lengths to talk so horribly about them. I guess I'm still a prisoner in that house, because I can't find it in me to hate them the way she does,,

lwk i want more online friends bc ion have much after like 2023. so i wanted to try here? i kinda js wanna friend who shares my interests bc my irl friends dont really have the same interests as me so i kinda js left alone either talking to myself and js writing in my journal. uhh the reason why im not starting on discord is bc evb is lwk a bot on there. uhh ig to get to know u, anyone is willing to talk to me is that i can give my tiktok, discord, instagram, or iMessage. or whatsapp. and then we talk for a few days, about what were into or wtv. js a lil about me ig im black, i like anime, obviously like to read AND I DO USE ao3 and tumblr(and not i did not skip the wattpad phrase trust)., i like movies n shows. i also like more but im not putting all of that on. also my age range is 14-20. ik minors shouldn’t really be on here but lets be fr uhh ig to get talking my insta is ch3rrvreds_ my pfp is Joe from sk8. uhh if nby sees this imma try again next week. PLEASE I REALLY NEED A FRIENDS! (P.S if we do not like we can js stop talking. u can tell me or i can tell you. either or!)

I've never liked girls all my life I've liked boys, but I had this female for like 3 years and I think she's super hot. My heart hurts a lot because I know that I can't be with her because she's obviously super straight. I'm still attracted to guys, but I think big boobs are sexy and stuff like that. I don't really find many girls good looking. I've only every really like her, so I ended out friendship because of that and other personal stuff. Really don't know what to do. Thought I was gay but but I read some Yuri and I find it boring. I like yaoi though.

Gimme your favorite reading piracy sites for books, I want to read The Song of Ice and Fire for a while (the books version for Game of Thrones) but I can’t find any and it’s never available near me

Thank you!!!