Ugh my heart is divided. As someone who needs constant reassurance with words I understand Garam. As someone who has a partner who doesn’t say it that much because he finds it empty, I understand the professor.
But the professor will say it, I know he will. But those words will mean maybe nothing, it’s the actions, the attitude, the change in his life the way he shows it.
For some people saying words could be meaningless, just sounds in the air, what counts is how you behave but it’s here in how you behave that then you start saying it to reassure the other person.
Professor, I love you, and I know you’ll do the right thing but it will take time.
Damn, I love how Garam loves and pays attention to the professor. For him to be aware that he was involved to some extent just by listening to his way of speaking about the situation. BRAVOOOOO!! You’re a wife Garam, you know your man.
As someone said from the comments, now that his Gem has suffered the yelling and humiliation from someone else now it’s wrong. I don’t know how many years have passed since Heejae humiliate and yell to Garam, bc now it’s just praising and nagging to improve that maybe that’s why his hears are finally listening. I understand Heejae’s motives to show Compton’s true colors and his cult leader behavior after getting his babe yelled but man, those people were going to talk about him at some point without your involvement.
I hope Garam can tell the professor what a fucking hypocrite he has been, and to oblige him to do something nice for Compton.
Which in his discussion about him in previous chapters on how he couldn’t understand what was Jeffrey thinking makes their relationship more complicated. Jeffrey wanted to become the professor, the professor was annoyed by why he was trying to become a copycat of his sound… in a way I understand, we are unique but the way he wanted to bring Jeffrey’s own sound was definitely harsh and torturous. Still, in his own way professor had some sort of respect that disappeared once he moved to be a conductor. Kind of giving up in Heejae’s eyes. Could this be maybe the point of no return for Compton where he once again touches a piano? I hope so. (⊙…⊙ )
What more proof do we need to realize Heejae is human…? He was fucking Garam while playing the song he composed for him… c’mon.
But I completely understand that Garam is getting anxious after what Compton said… which I guess it’s pretty normal. I’ve not met any relationship that don’t “doubt” the love or the intensity of it. That’s why there are a lot of fucking memes of women saying: “would you love me if I were a couch?” We seek for reassurance, it doesn’t matter if we know we are loved we just want to hear it.
Anyway; professor wanting and going for round 2 at the shower ufff, I wish I could be a pianist haha
It really breaks my heart when someone you love and loves you back doesn’t remember the wounds they caused.
The last chapter reminded me about parents. Heejae was complaining and judging Compton as if he was never that person. Kind of like parents, if you ever had to deal with an abusive parent (which sometimes I feel it was my case but then it wasn’t) and they change over time because X or Y things happened later on their lives and then they have this illusion of a great upbringing without thinking of the yelling and screaming they did… uff.
So the same thing here, you can try to understand why they behave like that (Heejae’s stubbornness and loneliness) but that doesn’t justify their behavior ever! It doesn’t matter that now they are angels with you… the past cannot be changed or erased, sometimes forgiven yes for some, but for others is just kind of I understand where are you coming from and yet you were an asshole abuser. Just like some people can still love their parents… same here.
It’s a decision, it’s your own views on how you approach and cope with that past, so I hope Garam finds the opportunity to say you know you did this, you did this to me and to others… and continue with their lives but at the end we need to make people accountable.
Heejae, I love your growth but we don’t forget. Period hahahaha
Still what an amazing sex car scene like damn daddy, keep eating me!
It’s interesting that for Compton, the way Heejae loves Garam isn’t “enough”. He’s just saying he loves you bc of your music and that’s probably true. He was interested in him because of his sound and when he couldn’t deliver it (student years) he was fed up and willing to cast him aside so yes.
But is it wrong tho? That professor loved Garam bc of his sound, I mean for them I guess it’s another layer of showing yourself as a being… just like people can fall at first sight by looks or ways of speaking… it’s not like you love the whole person bc we will never be able to know someone but to discover them day by day … so yes, Heejae loves Garam, particularly his sound because it touches his soul. If Garam lost the ability to play will the professor remain, for that I’m not sure, I’d like to think yes. Because both of them have now touched and seen their souls, both understand music kind of in the same way now.
So I’m glad by Garam’s answer: so what? We know we are loved for a reason, our personality, our looks, our work, our family, our money, our future… there’s a reason… so what about it? Some reasons can be perceived as nicer than others but we all have a reason why we love someone.
Compton, it really breaks my heart, compassion is hard to understand. Because in his eyes, what’s the Professor suffering or pain that deserves it? What kind of demons could a “god” possibly have? But, as a movies have quoted: even gods bleed, so does Heejae.
Amazing story can get enough of it. (〜￣△￣)〜
I loved the chapter!!! I loved Compton’s reaction. I loved his inner dialogue about how wrong he was of calling out Garam and how he recognized he was messing their ‘heavenly music’.
I think Garam’s interpretation as explained before is how to handle the professor and it makes sense he pours hatred, anxiety, and warmth. That’s how they relationship started Garam hated the professor, he hated how he was treated and ofc he was almost all the time anxious and it was visible throughout the his student life and his early career. But later, warmth came… he recognized the lonely and pitiful man hiding in his music. He saw him beyond his teaching, career but as a human … ofc this doesn’t mean that everyone should look at him with those eyes because he’s been a fricking asshole.
So yeah, going back to his performance I think that’s why he can use those feelings at the same time. He knows Heejae can be a moron and asshole, he still gets anxious of his career and what the professor will think but also at this point he has felt also the warmth Heejae can give and how Garam’s sound can soothe him. (▰˘◡˘▰)
Ufff as I previously, I understand Compton’s feelings. There’s no other way that he wouldn’t feel betrayed no matter what, he was delusional yes but also deceived. I’m not blaming Garam, but he and the professor were deceiving him and lying to him… for X reasons that are valid but still. They could have chosen another director, another concerto moment but indeed both in a way recognized Compton’s work.
I’m glad the professor didn’t intervene but the most magical moment was: then you do it, show me how to play the piano… because damn! That was a fucking slap hahaha he’s fully aware of how his music and performance has grown and also calling him immature and not worthy of being on stage for his feeling were also a cold bucket! I love Garam.
I didn’t like the manager thinking he has become cold… as implying that’s bad. He was being humiliated and he didn’t allow it another second more because ofc those things were petty behavior and not real feedback to his music.
You go Garam, stomp that bitch’
Damn, again my empathy towards Compton remains. I can imagine how devastating and the feeling of betrayal he must’ve felt after realizing that Garam loves the professor and he loves him back.
He lied to his face several times, not about the abuse he did suffer (Garam) or how he could relate to what both had to endure. But it’s the lie of playing his comrade, his “friend” … everything was an illusion and both played with him. That’s the reality so I understand him. However, that shows how immature he still is to humiliate Garam in front of others too.
I hope the professor doesn’t intervene, I think that’s something Garam should handle by himself, even though in my mind I want the professor to break Compton’s baton!
Aside from that, the professor was super cute’ he is cute, he can be cute, ughhhh
This chapter showed side of Compton that he usually hides which is being scared of Heejae’s comments.
As someone that seems to have been a teacher’s pet, he still waits for his validation, his encouragement and kind words. As any victim of abuse, they would take any crumbles of kindness from their abuser and that really broke my heart for Mr. Compton.
I hope he finds peace and goes to therapy.
Garam, please be kind to your man as you have been. He for sure has been an asshole but it’s your asshole (for now at least).
I’ve read a couple of comments saying they’re scared of Garam changing and not appreciating the music if there’s no piano.
In a way, I understand but isn’t that common to “bitch” about other tastes/professions once you become good at one? Like for example all the hype that happens everywhere of becoming a Doctor, but those that are already doctors and specialize in a particular subject feel more entitled to criticize: cardiology is better, no plastic surgery is better bc of money, no psychiatry is all about the mind, no the top of the top is neurologist… and so on and on.
Now with music and in this scenario I feel is the same. A violinist could think they’re better than a pianist but both will feel better than a flautist and so on and on… so Garam won’t stop enjoying music, the professor loves music (it has been drawn how much he enjoys jazz) but if you perfect something maybe some pieces will feel mild or plain if a piano isn’t there because they know how to play it. For them that’s the top cherry… and I feel it’s a valid sentiment.
So, yes fame could change him but not to the extent of him not enjoying music at all. I think here is more about getting into the realm of perfectionist/ love for his instrument rather than fame.
Thank you for reading this haha
(づ￣ ³￣)づ
First of all, I’m glad this is censored because I couldn’t have handle seeing Professor’s pianoforte in all his splendor (ofc I can, I’m just pretending).
Second, the professor always taking care of Garam’s health through nagging reminded me who much of a couple they are, they are so fricking gay. I’m always tell my bf to apply skincare and put fucking solar protection . So I related to that.
Ch 186 was truly romantic, Heejae prepared everything for a perfect date, watching Monet, eating at a nice restaurant, going for what I think was jazz and enjoying a good evening to end it up with the song. A song were the professor throughout the whole process had Garam in his mind.
I’m glad, bc many people complained that the professor first OG song was for the manager, which wasn’t, but okay. Second, always saying that he was thinking of the manager which again he wasn’t it was his anxiety in the form of the manager. But here, no manager, no anxiety, just the feeling of being in love and apart from your baby boy.
The professor being jelly and the pov really made my night.
I’ll be able to sleep thinking of the happy moment where the professor will show his song to Garam.
Fucking love them.
Ok professor was an abuser, a mf, a piece of shit as a mentor, and we all know that. However, his behavior was never sugarcoated, meaning at some point you could have walked away as others did. Or as the other Korean girl endure it and move on giving a fuck about Heejae… still she never tried to tell her sister run from that mf which is in a way weird but maybe “Asian culture”??
Now, Compton, fuck… he’s become a remastered version of the prof. Which for me is the worst kind, mental abuse! All abuse is wrong but having a bruise makes it real, and others can see it. But here, Garam was there for almost 2 months and just now he sees that part of him… and also bc Walter tipped him about it. Compton’s abuse along with love bombing makes it hard for people to walk away on their terms and that is also fucked up! Compton please fall in love so you can move on.
Those last uploads faaaack.
I found it hilarious how the professor gifted some of the musician ducks and now he was contemplating them probably thinking how stupid and lovely they are just like Garam
Faaaack, there were moments I cried!
This was such a beautiful and well written story even when it was a fan translation.
Trevor, the green forest you are… Gene, your curiosity took your love and life beyond.
Guys, I hope you find your Trevor and that you can share a life together. Your partner should always be someone who pushes you and encourages to be your best self. Life is lived only once and Trevor gave that to Gene, and Gene after exploring decided to go back to where his wings grew and reunited with his air (Trevor).
Bravooooo
Guys hear me out. Faceless manager represents everything that Heejae did wrong when someone warm and kind approached him. He didn’t involve himself that much which now he regrets.
Now with Garam, last chapters he hasn’t talked about “his sound” but rather his face. He doesn’t want Garam to look sad or disappointed, he wants to see Garam smile, and that represents involvement. He is caring and showing “I see you” “I pay attention to you”. He wants to have pictures of Garam now because as anxiety and fear is growing he knows he has been a fucking bastar to Garam and everyone around him… he knows he doesn’t deserve that warmth bc he has said he won’t apologize. Meaning he probably doesn’t regret anything but still… he craves for the words of Garam reassuring him: “I won’t run away… I’m here… I won’t leave you”.
That’s why now he’s super conscious of the faces he makes (I.e., the fish - the pillow talk about his new “freedom”) and every time he sees those changes in his face his heart throbs bc he’s scared of Garam one day leaving him if he doesn’t do anything to keep him happy.
Those are my ideas and intakes thanks
I just need them to be a couple right now!
I need the fluffiness that this couple is capable of expressing!!!
(๑•ㅂ•)و✧
Maaaaan, I love this psycho, toxic, love relationship.
You cannot say you’re crazy in love if you don’t offer to kill your lover’s abusers!
Cheol, your family is shit, they don’t give a fuck! It’s true, they are family, but not because they want to, they don’t love you, respect you, or even care about you.
Min, you’re so crazy but I don’t like how you were pulling the strings to make the brother even more paranoid and with material to continue abusing Cheol, that isn’t rhe right craziness.
Anyway, I hope they end together, it’s clear they’re both fucked up, but they love and care about each other in extreme and dangerous ways.
Honestly, I love the story. The toxicity and love shown in the writing was just amazing. What I couldn’t understand was why Kloff in his first life didn’t try anything with Aeroc? It was such a moving story because after doing something so despicable, and being in love and hate the same person … uff it felt too real. I wouldn’t be able to forgive probably, that’s why it was such a great reading.
I’m glad their kids weren’t the same…
I need the side stories!!!
The whole chapter reminded me of Merida trying to defend her hand for marriage.
You go Tei, defend your strength! You’re no bitch.
٩(๑❛ᴗ❛๑)۶