PassionNerd's Topics (10)

I think we really should understand Tae’s character more to understand his decisions. Let me explain.
Human psychology is complicated and Tae is one of the people whose actions/decisions are caused by a lot of intertwined factors at play. It’s just that u have to understand him & his situation from the start to really make sense of Tae’s decisions. Sure, I can totally get the hate on Ilay (I even agree), but Tae??? No way! I analyzed Ilay’s psychology previously, tho I never defended Ilay’s actions.
But Tae?? I’m totally defending Taeui!

I may not agree with every decision Tae made, and I would have done things differently (as me) but I at least understand Tae’s decisions from his POV. Sit down, it’s gonna be a long one.
• “Tae srly told Ilay the ‘truth’ just from one smile???”
When Tae said: “‘Could there really be someone who smiles so joyfully the moment they see him?” And told him the truth….
That smile held so much more meaning for Tae instead of just being persuaded by the ‘beauty’ of that smile. That smile did push him to tell the truth after lots of hesitation. In the novel, there’s A LOT MORE conflict in Tae’s thoughts. Note that, Tae specifically mentioned that: ‘It resembled the smiles during the time he reunited with Ilay at Rahman’s villa.’

Try seeing it from the POV of a guy who has always been undervalued all his life, getting used to being constantly compared to Jae (It’s not Jae’s fault), feeling mediocre, used by ppl for benefits, used by his own uncle, always unlucky, never getting recognized for being his own person, living in his family member’s shadows, getting shunned and beaten by colleagues…To the point where He developed low self-esteem and would always refer to himself as average from a young age.

Ilay was arguably the first person to approach Tae without caring about Jae or Tae’s uncle. Tae saw how Ilay threw away everything just for him as who he was, not anybody’s lucky charm or nephew. (Ofc Ilay had hurt him too, but Tae never justified his actions nor forgot it. I'll explain soon) Throughout the story, He always remembers and will always hate what Ilay did; he never thinks he himself deserved it either, but parts of Ilay as a person still made Tae feel so valued. (It fulfilled his emotional needs)

From his POV, imagine how valued an undervalued guy felt when ‘the inhumane Ilay’ smiled so widely just from merely seeing him? (At Rahman’s villa) And how just from Tae saying “I’m urs.” earned him the same smile from back then? Ilay’s smiles showed how much the inhumane Ilay changed for him and how much Ilay values him, even though Ilay can’t express himself verbally. He liked how, for the first time in his life, his existence felt so valued by S. 1, and he could see Ilay’s feelings for him reflected in that exact smile. But He didn’t dismiss or forgive the rape either, nor did he justify it.

• “Wdym, he didn’t forgive Ilay? He totally did!”

Might seem that way, but he never did. (A lot of Tae's spiraling thoughts are cut, but it’s not the manhwa’s fault bc it’s hard to adapt every detail.)The answer needs ppl to understand Tae’s mindset /nature/upbringing/coping mechanism… (I'll explain soon)
In the novel, Tae told Ilay the ‘truth’ seeing how desperate Ilay seemed (explained in the last comment). As soon as Tae said it, Tae felt a faint surge of ‘frustration’ and ‘anger’ again (about the rape), but then he said:
“Whatever, let’s just…let it go.”

• “ Tf u mean ‘let’s just let it go’? Tae forgave the rape like it’s nothing???”

Let’s understand why he ‘lets things go,’ but I will first answer that Tae didn't forgive the rape.[Minor spoiler] Tae, still to this day, hated what Ilay did to him, but he chose not to think about it as a way to cope with the ‘pain’. I guess u could say he let it go for a while, but the painful memories will always pop up throughout the sequels. You know why I said that? Bc…

Even in the sequels, he will always bring it up. Tears would well up, and he would get really depressed QUICK whenever he thought about the past incidents. Before you victim-blame, understand that the reason he let things go bc it actually has a lot to do with Tae’s nature, coping mechanisms, and his upbringing:

1/ He constantly feels pain/undervalued all his life. He learned to cope with pain by pushing it away bc he will always feel pain regardless of his will(Uncle forcing him, Ilay mentally/physically tormenting him since UNHRDO, shunned & beaten by colleagues, getting betrayed by the people he loves…etc).

Therefore, he learned to accept the miserable, flawed world he’s living in. He just copes with the harsh reality by pushing away the harshness of it to ‘survive’. Tae has to learn to cope with things bc can you imagine Tae being constantly depressed in his miserable life, not being able to push away pain and trauma?
It would be a suicide story then, ngl.

Tae was written to be a mentally strong character who’s supposed to thrive to survive in his miserable life. And this story’s title literally translates to “suffering”. A book that tells the tale of Tae’s suffering. (Even Ilay later said that, in terms of mental strength, Tae was stronger than him.) Even when Tae can't help liking Ilay while also about to burst out crying bc of what Ilay did to him, he has to push his mind to let things in the past go bc he can’t change it nor can he torture himself by mulling over it.

2/ He doesn't just let things go with Ilay; this applies to almost everyone. Even with his uncle who used him, he still holds a grudge, but he would prefer not to think about it and find the chance to make them pay later. Also with Xinlu, who hired a sniper to kill him, too.

3/ Tae’s always been the type to focus on the present instead of the past or future. (Go back to when Ilay said Tae’s frontal lobe might be damaged and his uncle actually described Tae that way.) He can't change the past, so he’d rather not think about it bc it only pains him. I mean…his past is painful, his future looks bleak…can you blame him??? Maybe beer also helped dull his mind from the harsh reality too.

4/ Remember: He said he hates people’s actions sometimes, but rarely the person themselves. He’s a people lover, who loves and understand human’s flaws/ nature very well. Ever since the start of the story, Tae empathized with everybody, not just Ilay alone.(Ilay, Xinlu, Tae’s colleagues...) That’s why I said he never forgave nor forgot what Ilay did, but he chose to stay with Ilay and try his best to change him as a person bc he understood that Ilay was an inhumane psycho from the beginning. Tae saw the potential in Ilay’s growing humanity and has always been the type to take things upon himself to fix what he could. (Applies to other people too)

5/ Tae still has a life to live, and the things he wanted to do aligned with Ilay’s in the first place (since the confession: wanting to be with him).
It just so happened that Ilay didn’t hear him yelling that he’ll be back; Tae had to save Jae, and Ilay felt betrayed and used, so things unfortunately went awry. Tae made up his mind and already accepted the future hardship he would face with Ilay. So he just goes along with it bc from his POV, why make things harder by making himself miserable thinking about what Ilay did when he still has to repay Ilay and already decided things a long time ago. (AGAIN, HE NEVER FORGAVE HIM.)

• “Wdym Tae didn't forgive him? He went with Ilay!”

Tae didn't choose to go with Ilay just bc ‘he let things go,’ or he forgave him.
It takes a lot more than that. Going with Ilay didn't mean he forgave or forgot what Ilay did; there are actually a lot of factors at play that made him choose to go back to Ilay;
1/ He promised to pay back the debt he owed to Ilay. Remember that Ilay said:
“As much as I risked for you, I’ll make sure to collect it from you.”

Tae had always planned to pay it back since the call. Tae only GET TO pay it back after what Ilay had done. Tae’s not the type to neglect his responsibilities or break his promise.

2/Tae’s initial goal aligned with Ilay’s, so resisting wasn’t going to do him any good. As I explained earlier, the situation turned unfortunate. That’s why Tae said the ‘situation was unfair’ and Tae said he himself ‘didn’t’ deserve it. But since his mind was already made up long ago, he considered it the hardship he had to go through for the decision he made to go back to Ilay.

3/ During a conversation with Xinlu, Tae said:
“I have to pay back what he lost and what he did because of me.”

Meaning that he felt responsible for the whole thing that happened when he asked Ilay to get him out. It might sound ridiculous to some, thinking that Tae is a victim who feels guilty about the abuser’s actions (Ilay), but I would argue that it’s just Tae’s nature. For example:
+In ch. 101, when Ilay warned Tae not to meet Xinlu, Tae retaliated, saying he felt responsible for Xinlu becoming miserable in his job, leading him to quit.
Therefore, He doesn't just feel responsible for Ilay but also for plenty of others. Tae has always been that way. When he felt the need to help or be responsible for s.1/sth, he took it upon himself to make it right/repay it.

4/ Ch. 101, talking with Xinlu, Tae said sth about:
“Becoming Ilay’s weakness.” And in ch.145 Tae said sth about: “To protect innocent people from getting hurt, he has to take charge of looking after Ilay.”
Tae meant that he would hold his inhumanity down and make him suffer by having a weakness. (Using Ilay’s humanity for Tae against Ilay)

It’s more about Tae as a people lover and would always want to save ppl even back in UNHRDO. (Even strangers). Remember when he pointed a gun at Ilay to save a random dude? Yeah, that’s just how he is. U see how many ppl’s lives he saved as Ilay’s assistant instructor? Tae has this moral obligation to help keep Ilay’s inhumanity under control using Ilay’s humanity for Tae and using Tae’s ‘Tact’.

5/Tae’s feelings for Ilay have compounded since long ago, and so have Ilay’s. Realizing Ilay’s feelings for him and seeing Ilay’s effort to change himself just for Tae was the ultimate thing that made Tae unable to help but like that part of Ilay, even when he also hated what Ilay did. Tae felt genuinely so valued for the first time as who he was.

Tae is a people lover; he loves people and understands people very well, which makes it harder for him to hate people. (Ex: his colleague who shunned and beat him) Tae understood Ilay’s nature so well; he kept feeling bad for Ilay even when he sometimes hated Ilay, too. Notice how Tae said he hated Ilay’s actions, not the person? That’s Tae’s nature at play.

• [Conclusions]
It’s not as simple as “He’s dumb.” Type shyt. Ppl around him hide stuff from him all the time and keep him in the dark; Ilay is incredibly hard to read too, so everything IS SUPPOSED to be confusing for him.

It’s quite unfair to judge his decisions without actually considering or understanding Tae’s character as a whole and his situation. Reading from a character’s POV requires the reader to put themselves in the character’s shoes. Though one may not agree with their decisions, one should at least understand them. When u judge a person for their behavior, you should ask what options they have. It’s not like Tae wasn’t thinking at all; he was spiraling the whole time.

• “So then, will Ilay suffer for what he did?”
The answer kind of depends on whether you count only the end of book 1 or include all of the sequels.

• [If we think about all the sequels]:
[General ideas of the sequels spoiler]
Then I would argue that Ilay does suffer throughout the story Eps in the sequels, but not in the sense that people would normally expect or in a typical Black Flag apology type. He suffered the worst punishment for him as ‘Ilay’. Killing or torturing Ilay won’t even make the guy flinch. Throwing him in prison is impossible (The story’s setting is technically about corruption and about people who are ‘above’ the laws) The best punishment for Ilay is to hold Ilay’s humanity for Tae against Ilay and make him suffer mentally. (But it’s unfair because Tae has to suffer, too) Read the sequels, and you’ll get what I mean.

• [If we count only in book 1]:
[Next chapter spoiler]
Unfortunately, no. Tae chose to go with Ilay in the end; there’s a time-skip afterward and side stories. Understandably, people might not like what Tae did and expect a redemption arc from Ilay (including me). I wanted Tae to get a proper apology, honestly. I’m still, to this day, pissed off at Ilay, but I read the sequels for Tae.

•[Opinion]
Maybe there are other factors that I haven’t mentioned or may have missed. I guess I’ll reread the novel again. I think this story’s characters’ psychology is so so interesting to analyze, and the characters are consistent with their nature instead of just ‘changing overnight’. The characters fit well in the environment they’re in, too. And I think this story is just getting started at the end, eps Iltae’s relationship progression.

There’re many details in Ilay’s words. That guy has actually been desperate the whole time. Btw, Ilay even nodded too. I think people might have missed a lot of details. Let me explain.

Wanna make it fully clear that I'm not going to justify anything; I'm just explaining details.
[There will be details from the novel(already released chapters in Manhwa), and there are no spoilers u have to worry about.]
• [Ilay’s words]
When Ilay said: “Because, this time, I really did intend to kill you completely…swallowing you whole so you could never escape from me ever again." (Though the novel put it a bit differently, it doesn’t differ much.)

In the novel, Tae described it as: ‘Ilay showed no sign of regret or remorse for those thoughts. He could truly, without hesitation, do it with a calm expression whenever he felt like it.’ Tae was hesitating: ‘Is this really okay?’ Then Ilay said:
“So, there won’t be a third time. On the third time, I really will kill you. So don't do it… Please."

Actually, all the things he said above weren’t supposed to be a threat. 1/ The first few sentences (kill/eat) were supposed to reflect the intensity of his inhumane side at the time. What Ilay wanted to say was that he was really struggling to hold back his inhumanity using his humanity for Tae this time.

By ‘This time’ he was referring to how hard it was to control his urges( inhumane side) to kill and that the ‘2nd runaway’ was more serious than the ‘1st’ time. The 1st time was bearable and he was quickly able to let go of the thought of killing since he thought Tae left him bc Tae ‘HATED HIM’, but the 2nd time was the hardest to control since he thought Tae left him by deceiving him saying: “Maybe, I liked you?” and broke his promise after Ilay risked everything fully trusting Tae’s words.

His inhumane side was probably like this: “The 1st time was because ‘u hated me’! I understood that, BUT this time, I went and risked everything bc u said ‘you liked me’! But u were just deceiving me to run to Xinlu?”
Hence, his inhumanity was harder to control.

2/ The next sentences (begging) actually referred to how little confidence he felt about keeping his inhumanity in control again. He actually tried really hard to stop his urge to kill Tae the whole time(I’ll explain), but it’s also extremely hard to battle his inhumanity when he’s so angry about being deceived and used. Even so, when he met Tae for real, a part of Ilay couldn't and didn't want to kill Tae, so he tried his best to stop the urges.

•[Minor spoiler: Ilay’s Colleague POV]
After Ilay fell off his bike, Ilay’s colleague said Ilay kept fiddling with his gloves for a long time then shoved them into the hardest-to-reach corner of his bag. It shows how Ilay knew how furious he was and knew that he might lose control & regret it, so he tried to purposely make it harder for himself to kill Tae. My theory during my last post was that he also used his gloves to shove in Tae’s mouth, serving as friction to stop himself from reaching for his gloves to kill Tae as he also didn’t want Tae to deceive him again. (Explained in depth in the last post: Part 2)

3/Therefore, Ilay who thought Tae ‘didn’t like him back’ and thought Tae would run again begged Tae not to run away again bc he knew he wouldn't be able to control himself again. The side of Ilay that held affection for Tae desperately doesn’t want that to happen at all. Honestly, seeing his face, u can barely tell that he’s desperate since he’s so good at controlling his expression. Ilay didn't even mean to beg, but his desperation came out eventually at the end.

If Ilay knew how to express himself better, he would say this: “ Tae, I almost wanted to kill and devour you…I srly almost did that to you…I couldn’t control my anger…” “I barely managed to hold myself back from doing such a thing to you.” “I don’t want to do that to you…I know you don't like me back but please don't run away again… don’t make me do it. I really might kill you next time; I don’t think I can control myself the third time…Please.” (But that won't be Ilay.)
•[Extra: Tae’s reaction]
Just so you know, in the novel, Tae said he was fully aware that it (‘please’)would be mundane for everyone else, but he couldn’t help but laugh. (If you know Ilay…then yeah. When I first read it, I was like: “‘Please’??? Did I read that wrong?”)
•[Theory on Ilay’s reaction to the truth]
Tae then told Ilay the truth seeing how desperate Ilay seemed (I’ll explain more soon). As soon as Tae said it, he said he felt a faint surge of frustration and anger again, but… “Whatever, let’s just let it go.” (I’ll explain this one in another post; don’t get mad at Tae.)

U may think Ilay's expression was somewhat not extreme but, in the novel, Tae described Ilay’s reaction as:
“His expression was extremely peculiar. It was as if he had heard something utterly bizarre. He looked at Tae with a face that was hard to describe. As Ilay’s strange gaze bore down on him.”

Ilay is the type who barely has an extreme reaction; that face was him being ‘shocked’. The artist portrayed his expression perfectly according to his character. Tae added “I'm not lying.” bc he thought Ilay didn’t believe him. That small text next to his shocked face translated to “nodded” (Tho, Tae said it was very subtle). Tae then said: “Maybe Ilay already knew he wasn’t lying & was shocked or Ilay was thinking about sth else.”
• [Theory on the call’s confession]
U know why Ilay easily believed Tae’s truth? Ilay is actually extremely good at distinguishing lies from the truth from Tae’s tone alone. Also! Remember the call? When Ilay heard Tae’s confession, he likely knew from Tae’s voice alone that Tae wasn’t forcing it (or lying) or being sarcastic like usual, and that Tae was being genuine. Tae’s original intention was to confirm Ilay’s feelings and tell him his own feelings, but Tae said he never actually confessed and said Ilay interpreted it as a confession. BUT Ilay still knew what Tae wanted to say even if Tae said it quite differently than what Tae intended. That’s why Ilay interpreted it as a confession bc he could tell.

Even now Ilay knew Tae wasn’t lying. But now that he knows the truth, he probably thought back about the call and how he was correct about it being genuine. He also realized he wasn’t being deceived by Tae. He was silent for a while still processing everything, but there’s probably more to his thoughts. (Let me explain.)

• “What does Ilay mean by ’As much as I staked for you’?”
After being quiet for a while, Ilay suddenly said:
"As much as I put up (staked) for you.” "The amount I risked for you. Just give me that much in return."

U may see that he’s calm and collected while bringing up the debt, but while he was silent, he ‘probably’ thought about the shyt he did to Tae after hearing the truth, and he might have thought that Tae wouldn’t want to be with him anymore. I think he likely panicked inside (I’ll explain soon) then he looked up at Tae suddenly, then said “As much as I put up for you.” Ilay suddenly brought up the promise that Tae was supposed to make up for.
At the time, I thought, why didn’t he ask about Tae’s feelings first eps after hearing the truth? Why bring up the debt? Normally one would ask “U didn’t deceive me? Or “So you actually like me?” (The call confession). (I’ll explain this soon)

In the novel, Tae specifically said Ilay’s voice sounded calm and casual while bringing up the debt. He was likely trying to sound demanding like usual without seeming desperate, so that Tae wouldn’t refuse to pay him back and stay with him. Why did I think he was desperate? Let me explain.
Bc after Ilay said that, Tae asked him back:
"…That amount you're talking about, it’s not too big, right?"
In the manhwa, most can’t really tell from his smile after Tae asked that, but the novel specifically described:
‘At Tae’s word, a deep smile spread across Ilay's face. It was a thick, broad smile, as if he might ‘burst out laughing’ at any moment.’

I definitely think he was panicking bc Ilay’s calm, nonchalant face ‘suddenly’ lit up and smiled so wide realizing that Tae would stay by his side. (Equals to ‘repaying him’) If Tae didn’t want to repay, Tae would say: “Then what about what u did to me?” But Tae’s a responsible person, so he asked ‘how big the debt was’ to pay it back.

Tae’s question, to Ilay, confirmed that Tae intended to repay Ilay back and not ditch him. And that’s exactly what Ilay wanted. (Want Tae to stay) That’s the most reasonable conclusion I can come up with to explain why Ilay’s face suddenly lit up.
(Rick, don't you think the first thing to say is to apologize?? What’s with the ‘holding his debt against him to prevent him from leaving me’ response? That mf)
• “Why did Ilay give him a ‘strange look’?”
+Tae then said: "You must have lost so much (a lot) because of me."
The look he gave Tae at the end was supposed to be a ‘strange look’. In the novel, it said that Ilay had a strange look on his face for just a moment. Ilay then muttered ‘faintly’ almost to himself:
“Yeah, just give me that much. ...It might be a bit ‘overwhelming’ for you, but I’ll accept it anyway.”
•“What did he mean by ‘overwhelming’?”
Although Ilay was happy that Tae would be by his side, Ilay thought about how Tae said “So much/ A lot” when referring to what Ilay lost (Tae’s debt). Ilay probably thought that Tae was burdened by the sheer amount of it. I think he felt guilty about it being a debt relationship, but at the same time, he doesn’t want Tae to leave him. And it’s not like he can demand Tae to like him after what he did to Tae either. Ilay likely meant that being with him is HARD and it’s especially UNDESIRABLE after what he did to Tae, so that’s why he said “It’s a bit overwhelming.” It’s less about what Ilay lost, more about the difficulty of staying with him. (repaying him by staying with him)

Remember how I said I was curious why he never asked to confirm Tae’s feelings again? It’s probably bc he was conflicted about Tae’s feelings eps after what he did. And he’s not confident enough to ask Tae either. Ilay thought Tae might have changed Tae’s feelings for him. If it means that Tae will be with him, Ilay would rather accept it as a debt-repayment relationship than an actual two-way affectionate one. (Tae actually does like him; Ilay just doesn’t ask bc he’s afraid so instead accepted it as is. Hence Ilay said “I’ll accept it anyway.”

•[Minor Spoiler alert: u can skip this part if u want]
Ilay actually continued to believe Tae never really liked him even after YEARS (approx. 5y) of living together until they accidentally cleared the misunderstanding. He thought Tae stayed with him as a repayment, accepted it, and was so confused when Tae said he liked him. Tae actually says ‘I like you’ every time they do it but Ilay thought it was just what people often say during intercourse. He didn’t know Tae liked him all this time. Bro was so happy like VERY! He kept asking “REALLY? U LIKE ME??? oh…”
• [Correction]
The last name part was supposed to be “I’ll change my last name!” Likely referring to changing his name and run away again. But Ilay responded with “Taeui Riegrow”. (A spoiler to their future wedding anniversary, I see…)
[Conclusion]
Keep in mind, I might not be all correct. And u may not understand some parts I mentioned, so I suggest u go to my profile to read my past analysis.

Part 4 of analysing Passion’s detail& psychology. For context, go to the previous parts on my topic profile.

• “Why did Ilay demand that Tae say “I’m yours”?”

I think he wanted to satisfy his emotional needs by hearing Tae say ‘Tae is his.’ with Tae’s own mouth. He can't accept that ‘Tae wasn't his’ when Ilay desperately wanted him to be or at least Ilay wanted to fool himself that Tae was.

REMEMBER him saying “Words deceive even oneself.”? Ilay also used to self-talk saying “Tae, you’re mine” and that Ilay has to be aware of it to CONVINCE HIMSELF. BUT NOW his own words alone weren't enough anymore to fill his emotional void, so he WANTED/NEEDED TAE to say it. I mean…from his POV: hearing Tae’s confession got his hope up, then realized it was false hope, so now, his self-talk wasn't enough anymore without Tae’s words.

Ilay’s always fooled by Tae’s words before, so he wanted to use that fact to his advantage to fool himself that ‘Tae was his’ by hearing Tae say it and also calm himself down from wanting to kill Tae. (I’ll explain more soon) when Tae spoke what Ilay demanded the first time, Ilay knew what Tae’s inaudible words meant; but he still insisted:

“Again. So I can hear you properly.”

See? He just wanted to hear it so he can be satisfied even if it’s forced.

Sth like this: “I always get deceived and believe in your words. Say it, so I can hear it, Tae, so I can believe your words and believe that you're really mine.”
Get it?
(OMG I just realized even the time when Ilay forces Tae to say “I like you.” was also bc he needed Tae’s affection so much; he was willing to settle for Tae’s confession that was meant for Xinlu! And now was also the same! Ilay wanted to hear Tae’s words, so he could use Tae’s words to convince/fool himself that Tae liked him to calm his desperation and feel the love he needed. That bastard istg)
•[Extra on the “You’re mine’ part”]

In ch. 101: Tae asked him:
”You’re the one who need to be aware of it! Not me! Why is it that am I yours?”

Ilay responded:
“I thought about it and it was the only conclusion I could draw. I have a hunch but I don't have solid evidence to work with.”

This probably meant that Ilay noticed how Tae always treated him differently from others and would even pity/worry about him. Tae saw him in a way that was different from how others saw him and Ilay never fully understood it either. But Ilay liked that. Regardless of whether Tae said “I despise you.” Ilay thought that Tae’s words didn’t match how Tae still treated him well. (It’s mostly just Tae’s personality). He still continues to believe that ‘Tae was his’ (translated to ‘Tae liked him to.’)

When Ilay heard Tae confess for real, and not Ilay’s delusion, he experienced that love for real. Only to feel lied to later on. So his self-believe doesn’t work no more, he wants Tae to say it…or he also wants Tae to remember it.

•[Extra Details on the arm hug]
Notices how Ilay always demands Tae to wrap his arm tight around his neck? Yeah bro’s insecure about Tae’s feelings for him and he needed to feel that affection when he thinks Tae is distant. He always demanded that Tae tighten his grip.
+”What affection?”
Tae said everytime he does that, he felt like he was pulling him in by his own will. Ilay probably wanted to fool himself into thinking Tae likes him too by making Tae do that. To Ilay, the tighter the hug was, the more intense the love felt. So it can distract him from the truth.
+”What intense love?”
Ilay always expressed how much he liked Tae by how tightly he hugged Tae. Even the recent scene where he told Tae “You’re mine” in the novel, Tae said felt that Ilay hugged him so tightly. And a few other scenes too.

In conclusion, he’s practically just demanding things from Tae bc he’s desperate even if it means fooling himself.

This is part 3: just go to my profile to check the previous parts to understand more context. I'm just analysing.

•[Ilay’s words after they were done]

Ilay said sth about:

“Don’t run away anymore. Keep the promise you make. And I won't be rough anymore.”

Referring to Ilay wanting Tae to ‘really be his’, not to be betrayed by Tae. Also about wanting Tae not to break the ‘payback promise’ that he made to Ilay again.

“You said you liked me…”
“At that moment, I thought you were (really) mine.”
“And you asked whether I liked you back…”

Ilay actually stayed quiet for a long time before muttering:
“Even so…You’re mine…” “You’re mine”

•“Wtf does that even mean? What kind of illogical answer is that?

Judging from the present tense of “You’re mine” I have an interesting theory. I’m positive Ilay knew he liked Tae, too, since way back before getting stuck at Rahman’s villa.( I’ll explain) But the call was cut before Ilay could respond. He probably waited to respond to Tae’s question only to witness Tae run again.

Keep in mind that in Ilay’s language “You’re mine” = “You like me.”

To simplify, it’s like this:
“You said you liked me; I was so happy. I thought you were finally mine. (Not just my delusions).” “And you asked whether I liked u; I like you, too” “I couldn't wait to see you...” “But you ran from me and broke ur promise. U don't even like me; you lied.” “Even so…it doesn't matter if they were lies; you said you’re mine now…” “So…You’re mine.”

Could also refer to Tae saying “I’m yours” in recent chapters and he’s taking Tae’s words for granted. Or there are chances he meant that even though he realized the confession was a lie, it doesn't matter to him, bc HE still wanted to believe Tae was his. And just like before, self-beleive was all he needed, no need for Tae to believe it.

Like this: “I like you, but u lied about liking me(being mine)” “But why should I care if u didn’t mean it? I just have to be the one to believe it. U don’t have to believe it.” “I believed it just fine before, so now shouldn’t be any different just bc u went back on ur words.”

(Idk man…I could be interpreting this wrong…this guy mind is SO hard to read Eps with little detail to work with)
•“How do you know Ilay liked him since way back?”

Back to Ch. 118, when Ilay asked Tae to say “I like you” and when Tae asked him “You like me, don't you?” Ilay stayed unusually quiet, widened his eyes then soften it as if he had realized his feelings. He didn't deny Tae’s question. (This is so different from before, when he would just make a joke out of it and say ”Me? Like you? If I say I like you, will you spread your legs for me?)

And Tae pointed out how he was so soft-spoken after that. It's a good thing Tae is quick-witted about Ilay’s feelings because he’s the type to never match what he’s saying; his actions and sometimes even facial expressions will always contradict his words. Ilay is great with putting up a poker face; we only get to see his poker face break from time to time Eps in recent chapters bc of Tae.

•[Extra details bc why not?]
1/ I bet you 90% of the time if you go to see the chapter where Ilay is with Tae, Ilay will always remove his gloves whether Tae notices or not. They both got so used to this, When Ilay dreamed, he only has his gloves off with Tae. Meanwhile, Tae rarely got scared whenever Ilay has his gloves off.
2/ Tae’s so used to seeing Ilay without gloves that one time (Tae unconsciously linked no gloves = no harm) he backed away when Ilay approached him with gloves on. Ilay was surprised too bc Tae never normally reacted like this.
3/When Tae’s leg was injured from falling down the stairs, I noticed how Ilay was always holding Tae’s cast leg up and supporting it while they had s.
4/ Tae would often push away negativity or pain and let things go because that’s his way of coping with his harsh reality and his terrible luck.
5/ ch.144 I liked the details of how Tae’s eyes were swollen. It shows how much he cried.

This is part 2 of my previous comment. Go to my profile to understand the context. But I'm analysing stuff.

• “Why did Ilay specifically use 'high-quality gloves’ to shut Tae’s mouth?”

The thing is, Ilay specifically mentioned that the pair was his highest quality, too. Which makes it a somewhat significant detail. May not be 100% correct but…

In ch.84 during his POV, when he kills other people, he wore gloves but when it comes imagining himself killing Tae, he actually doesn't wear it at all. He said:
“I had heard his voice. I could smell his body. And the warm, sticky feeling of his blood was still vivid on my hands.”
And when he woke up from the dream, he was wearing gloves irl but still said:
“Though I couldn't see it in the darkness, it felt as if there was blood on that hand. Surely, it was stained with the blood of Jeong Tae-ui.”
When he realized that he had actually killed Tae in that dream. He said:
“I might have screamed. It felt as though I had risen with a scream, close to a cry of anguish.”
Also, I noticed how he would constantly change his gloves when killing in reality too stating sth about them being stained.

Maybe…he chose the highest quality one bc he doesn't want to feel the sensation of Tae’s blood like his usual pair bc he knew the moment he felt Tae’s blood, he’d hesitate and stop. In a sense, it's his inhumanity that refuses to give up on killing Tae. BUT there’s more…

• “Why exactly did he take off his gloves then and shove it in Tae’s mouth then?”

Remember how Ivan said Ilay shoved his gloves in the deepest part? And how he was hesitating and wanted to make it harder for him to kill? Ilay said sth about only wanted to ‘devour him’ at first (not kill yet), but he suddenly wanted to kill/eat him after realizing Tae was going to the airport. Ig he took it out from the bag in the car.(Hence why he wore it as soon as he got off)

In the novel, it describes Ilay as:

“Ilay, who had been looking down at his own hand for a moment, seemed to hesitate briefly, but then he took off his gloves. And then, he shoved the gloves into Jeong Tae-ui’s mouth.”

When he met Tae face to face, he WAS MAD but can't bring himself to kill him(Hence why he hesitated as he looked at his gloves and later said “I changed my mind.”). At the same time his inhumanity was screaming at Ilay to kill him, so he still thought that he might lose control and regret it. Plus, Ilay was dead set on not wanting to be deceived again, so he used the gloves to shove them into Tae’s mouth…also bc…

Ilay killed Tae in the dream without gloves before. He felt the sensation of Tae’s blood so vividly, It pains him. So he would never want to kill Tae without wearing gloves. When Ilay might lose control and want to WEAR his gloves to kill Tae, Ilay wouldn't want to reach for them bc that would means Tae might speak again.
The gloves act as friction ig?

Plus, seeing how Tae cried harder, Ilay felt the need to remove them BUT still set a condition, only if Tae said that ‘he was his’ and nth else. bc it would both calm him down from wanting to kill Tae and also get what he wanted from Tae, which is to believe that ‘Tae is his’ by Tae’s own mouth.

I'll just do another part ugh

Am I the only one who loves how deep Passion's psychology is? The characters are SO CONSISTENT. Also the amount of details and connection to past chapters are insane!

( I have a theory on why Ilay specifically chose ‘gloves’ and why he mentioned that the pair was his highest quality, too. Hear me out….)

Well, could be bc I read the novels but I’ll just be spoiling minor details, nth significant. If you don't understand Ilay’s ambiguous words and actions in the recent chapters, I think u might want to hear my theory out.

The story is really well-written. By well-written, I'm not talking about the shyt Ilay did to Tae; I mean the psychology. I agree it’s DEFINITELY miserable for my boy, Tae, and he DOESN’T DESERVE IT at all. But I mean “Passion” translated to Korean is “Suffering” or sth, so the book is technically about Tae’s suffering from Tae’s POV. It captured that suffering perfectly. The story portrayed the characters’ psychology through the consistency of their actions to each character’s nature/mindset.

I may not agree with/ hate things that happened and some characters, and I totally get the hate on Ilay but I DON'T PLAY WITH TAEUI. TAE’S MY BELOVED!

I WILL NOT be justifying Ilay’s disgusting actions, but I’ll explain his psychology in depth to answer why things happened. Think of me as a psychologist explaining a psychopath patient’s behavior.

SO SIT TIGHT, LET ME EXPLAIN. It’s gonna be long!

[There will be details from the novels(already adapted into manhwa) and a minor spoiler about Ilay’s colleague POV.]

•“Why was Ilay so mad at Tae?”

•[Ilay’s POV]
After turning the government officials’ houses upside down and searching for Tae everywhere, he suddenly got a call from Tae. Tae said:

“Do you think I might like you?”

Ilay misinterpreted it as a love confession (Tae’s words came out differently than what he intended to say; Tae said it wasn't a confession.) and Ilay asked whether Tae wanted to get out to which Tae said yes. Ilay specifically warned Tae about paying him back for everything that Ilay would sacrifice for him.

So after he had risked everything, daring to mess with the government officials and Arab royalty, hiring all of his available Riot squad colleagues to help get Tae out, and committing terrorism. He spotted Tae and was so so HAPPY. Actually, Ilay had been happy since Tae’s confession.

BUT the thought that his one-sided love was reciprocated completely SHATTERED when Tae ran to Xinlu. Ilay didn't hear what Tae yelled since it was SO CHAOTIC and bombs were dropping/Gun firing. At that moment, Ilay felt SO BETRAYED by Tae not keeping his promise to pay him back, and MOSTLY by Tae’s false confession (which gave him false hope) or you could say ‘Tae’s deceiving words’.

(Notice how I use “deceiving”? And that it relates to the recent chapter with Ilay’s words? :)I’ll explain more soon)

•[Minor spoiler: Ilay’s colleague POV]

After failing to catch up to Tae, Ilay fell off his bike. His colleague, Ivan, who was with Ilay, said Ilay just stood there like a statue staring in the direction of the car that was already out of sight. Ivan thought Ilay had been shot IN THE HEAD! Not the shoulder, the head! Ivan then heard Ilay mutter in a BARELY audible voice:

”He’s… gone. By his own choice.”

Ivan commented:

“Yeah, his voice was like… like a candle that had just gone out. It was the strangest feeling.”

Later after the squad’s job was done, Ivan went into Ilay’s room to say goodbye, Ivan said:

“He was packing his things. Then he picked up his gloves and just… kept fiddling with them.”

Ivan added with a soft smile:

“Eventually, Rick shoved the gloves into the deepest, hardest-to-reach corner of his bag…”

I think Ilay wanted to kill Tae, but he still didn't want to at the same time, so he hesitated by fiddling. (Inhumanity vs Humanity for Tae) He can't really decide, so maybe Ilay did that so the gloves would be at least hard to reach, and it might give him enough time to control himself. (As not to regret killing Tae in the heat of the moment bc he knew how furious he was.) I guess Ilay wanted to kill Tae, but still wanted to make it hard for himself to kill Tae.

Ivan was surprised that even when Tae caused Ilay all that trouble, Ilay still chased after Tae.

•“What did Ilay mean by “He’s gone… by his own choice”?”

Remember the phone call Ilay misinterpreted as a confession? Ch. 144: Ilay said:

“You said you liked me…I thought at that moment, you’re mine”

After hearing Tae’s confession. Ilay thought Tae FINALLY chose to remain by his side without Ilay having to force him to, BY HIS OWN WILL. (Ilay once told Tae after the forest incident to suffer being with him, so it’s forcing him.)

Remember how I said Ilay was happy since the confession? It’s bc of that. After Tae’s confession, he stayed silent bc his brain probably short-circuited, lol. But after seeing Tae leave and betray him, Ilay’s mutter “He’s gone… by his own choice…” was Ilay realizing that Tae DIDN'T CHOOSE to be with him after all and that it he was deceived. Ilay realized it had been false hope (Thinking that Tae finally liked him back) all along bc of his desperation to have Tae like him back and bc he believed Tae’s words on the call. That moment showed exactly how betrayed he felt.

•“Why didn’t Ilay listen to Tae first? Why did he shut him up?”

[Close observation of Ilay’s words when Ilay found Tae]

Notice how Ilay said, "Words deceive the mouth, deceive the ears, and eventually deceive even oneself."

It relates to how Ilay felt about the call.
+“Words deceive the mouth”: Ilay thinks Tae’s mouth said the confession even when the person didn't even mean it.
+“Deceive the ears” : How betrayed and deceived Ilay felt after hearing Tae’s words.
+”Decieve even oneself” : Got himself deceived by Tae’s words.

Also, HE KNEW that whatever Tae says will soften his anger and mind(Eps Tae’s pleas and cries.); this dates way back to Gable’s incident. He knew he was weak to Tae’s cries and knew it would bend him like origami.
In ch. 141 Ilay also said:

“If you cry or beg, I might bring myself to listen to you after all…But I’d rather not do that.”

Ilay believed he got deceived by Tae’s words on the call once, so he won't allow it a second time. So before Ilay could submit to Tae’s words again, Ilay was dead set on shutting Tae up before Tae could say anything. He even punched him to stop Tae from trying to talk and resist.(╥_╥)

•[notable detail in the punch]

In the novel of the recent chapter when Ilay punched him, Taeui described it as:

“It had been excruciatingly painful then, too. Yes, it hurt at least as much as now. But it hadn’t hurt more than now.”

He was referring to Ch.100: Tae almost got drugged by Xinlu’s men who were ordered by Xinlu; he wanted to meet Xinlu. Ilay warned him about the danger but Tae insisted on going. The panels showed that Ilay actually punched him with his LEFT HAND (likely non-dominant hand) just enough that it didn't leave a bruise afterwar nor make Tae pass out. (Still, how dare u, Rick?)

But in this recent punch, Ilay used his RIGHT HAND and Tae mentioned that he felt a throb in the bruised spot but didn't pass out. These details really showed Ilay’s rage and how betrayed he felt. (Can I punch Ilay, too?)

I find it interesting how he is fully capable of knocking Tae out but never does so. Maybe he can't bring himself to, or he wanted Tae to feel alive and not feel like he died (Ilay probably don't want to see Tae dead like in the dream again), or maybe he thought Tae's crying could prevented him from losing control and kill?
Idk either, but I know he’s crazy.

•“How exactly did Tae feel about Ilay doing this to him?“

The novel was SO SO DETAILED about this; I suffered 10x while reading the novel.

I suddenly thought of this theory on the twins’ luck randomly.

HEAR ME OUT, I THINK Jae’s luck (that he got from Tae) is probably what’s keeping Tae alive. just as Jae was alive because of Tae, Tae was probably alive because of Jae, too. I don't think it's a one-way thing.

I’m saying that Tae is what kept Jae alive and so the luck does its thing where in order for Jae to be alive and well, Jae’s luck prevented Tae’s death in the cases where Tae should have died.

Just a reminder though, Tae is Jae’s gilsangcheon (source of Jae’s insane luck/ lucky charm) right? And Jae wasn’t even supposed to be alive if it wasnt for Tae. If I remember correctly Jae said he whenever He has a health checkup it always showhow his organs are on the verge of collapse/death (It’s very very weak) or sth but he’s not sick or anything.

Jae concludes that Tae is his life source since Jae would always get twice as sick whenever Tae got sick (doesn’t apply to physically injury) but when Jae gets sick, Tae never got sick with him. Also, Tae always has the urge to find him when sth bad is about to happened to Jae. tho nth really bad ever happened to Jae, Tae still acts as a warning for Jae. Jae is the only one who can receive the luck from Tae even when Tae can't even use that luck for himself.

Tae probably became so unlucky because he was Jae’s source of luck that he always attracts maniacs/Psychopaths even without Jae around. (Xinlu, Ilay, Tae’s ex, Chris, Jeong pill…) and they aren't even normal crazy most of the time, they’re crazy crazy! It would make more sense for Tae to be dead since Tae can tend to be rebellious and stubborn sometimes.

Plus, the amount of time he gets into serious trouble both in the manwha and the novels is insane. Bro got caught up in a power struggle in UNHRDO, got many crazy people obsessed with his ahh, got kidnapped more than I can count, being near people (Ilay, Chris) who’s known for being literally skilled at killing, got caught while running away from Ilay 2 times, almost accidentally got killed by Ilay (Ilay thought Ilay was chasing Jae), got kidnapped and tutored by people who hated Ilay and almost died, got drugged by Tarten people, got stabbed by Horgan, was wanted by the Saudi prince as a debt repayment… Dawg you’re telling me all of that happened and he’s not dead. (I love Tae sm, pls don't die).

Tae should have died long ago, but isn’t it strange how he somehow survived it all? (His charm could be at play tho Hehe(▰˘◡˘▰)) But it makes more sense to me this way.

I came across this one video of an edit captioned:

“What’s worse? Killing people…or sending them straight to their death…?”

It reminds me a lot of Jeong Chang-in (Tae’s uncle) ngl. I think most people are aware of how manipulative Chang-in was but I don't think they will truly understand the depth of his character deeply enough without analysing his character in the novels. (Yuuji-nim is great at character building.)

Meaning there is more to this character than people might know.

I know I know that Ilay is a menace to society, has done some unjustifiable shyt and has made Tae miserable at times. Tae said Ilay was the worst and best thing to happen to him if I remember correctly. But sth is not right yet for being the ultimate villain…

If we really think about it who’s causing all of Tae’s trouble in the first place...? Who’s the reason that causes the plot of Passion and Suite..? (⌐■_■)

[Spoilers below]

We know Chang-in practically dragged Tae to work at UNHRDO despite Taeui refusing a few times; Uncle even uses the excuse of claiming the right to be Tae’s father to rope him in. Uncle said the job would help Tae’s future and threw him into a power struggle to secure Chang-in’s work promotion…willing to deceive his nephew for his work, planning schemes using Tae as a puppet, forcing Tae to stay regardless of his will and his misery, then letting Tae go, but still using him to find Jae bc Jae is important for his work. He’s using Tae’s kindness and family bond against Tae. Hurting Tae knowing full well that Tae’s personality/nature and family bond won’t cut their relationship…

About the sending-to-death part was how he assigned Tae as Ilay’s assistant knowing how crazy Ilay was and what Tae would have to go through. (Shunned by colleagues, ridiculed for nepotism, in constant danger around Ilay…) Regardless of Tae’s suffering, he still prioritizes his work, telling Tae to put up with it for his sake. He’s so calculative about everything, tying Tae down using Jae, planning what Tae will do, taking advantage of Tae’s kindness and family’s bond, his truth from Tae, planning how to keep Ilay in place using Tae, planning the downfall of his boss, using people’s weaknesses, using Tae to find Jae…he even expected that Tae would obediently follow his orders and get the results he wanted but Tae eventually found out the truth. Tae’s not dumb; it’s the people around him who deliberately hid/ scheme things and are crazy! Plus Tae was only there for a few months, for God's sake! (⋋▂⋌)

Uncle said he feared his nephew would be in danger, but kept sending him to the gate hell and simply said he’d be fine because he’s Tae. （/TДT)/

Not to mention that he set the genius Jae on the path of developing weapons and getting him involved in the arms industry (UNHRDO&Kyle’s work) when Jae&Tae were in ELEMENTARY SCHOOL!!
Tae&Jae’s father died knowing his kid was involved in sth like that bc of his own brother (Chang-in) and never been able to do anything about it while also never receiving a proper apology.

The question is…Why? Does Chang-in hate his nephews/family or what? ( ° ʖ °)

Let’s understand his upbringing and character a little more. Oh, did you know that Chang-in was a genius? And so was Kyle. Ilay was hinted to be one too.

Growing up Chang-in was a genius who never met anyone smarter than him. He was always ahead of his peers. BUT the ‘first disappointment’ was when he was struck by the reality of the limitations of his innate ability after enrolling in a prestigious foreign institution for gifted education. He said that he and Kyle were just middling geniuses there (about average). I think I can understand what Chang-in was feeling.

THEN he found out that Jae’s (biological son) intellect far exceeded anyone's, including his own, even when Jae was just 3-4 years old at the time. Chang-in realized that Jae had everything — a sharp mind and was one of the most gifted among geniuses, good fortune, a gentle disposition, and a loving family. He described it as a ‘second disappointment’ in his life.

“What?? So, he’s jealous of Jae, then?” people often say that.

Yes, but not quite. The thing is everyone was jealous of Jae’s luck and intelligence( including Tae, but he was envious of his luck not a bad jealousy). He was crushed by the realization of his limitations once again by a 3- to 4-year-old child. Thought he was a genius just to be crushed by the reality of being mediocre hurts.
He said he fears and admires Jae’s ability. Worried about the weight of Jae’s intellectual burden knowing all too well how heavy his own—little in comparison—intellectual burden felt. In a way, it's envy but not to drag Jae to his downfall or anything. Instead…

Chang-in said he wanted to help Jae find the life he was meant to live, and would pave the way for him. Maybe he thought it was a good idea to set that path for Jae, a path where his intellect will be used, his intellect will be kept up with, research tools to ease the boredom of a genius… BUT that path is also beneficial for Chang-in in terms of his work and position.

Jae is pretty mysterious; I think he’s definitely not naive enough not to know his uncle’s intentions and ambitions but he just went along accordingly maybe because they’re family and because he felt like he didn't have anything else to do anyway.

Meanwhile, in Passion Suite, Uncle stopped Tae’s flight and dragged Tae back to UNHRDO again to pit him against Ilay, making Tae protect a guy Ilay was assigned to kill. He knew full well that Tae cares about Jae so he used it as a reason for Tae to do the mission. While also knowing Ilay was traumatized after almost accidentally killing Tae, and that Ilay wouldn't harm Tae. Still! He planned it and ONCE AGAIN USED TAEUI! ┑(￣Д ￣)┍

This guy isn't just a manipulator; dude’s a boss-level mastermind. Every plan he had succeeded in the way that he wanted in the end. He’s got connections, power, and brain. The guy might be a cool uncle who actually loves his nephews but maybe not more than his work and selfish ambitions. The scale of his love weighs more towards his work. Even Tae knew that fact very well in the novels that he was only able to be this close to his uncle only bc they were related or else his uncle would have no mercy and squeeze them dry of their benefits. Chang-in is a great boss respected by his assistant though.
┐(￣～￣)┌
His character is kinda—you could say— evil, but at the same time hella realistic and interesting to understand /analyze .
But I love Taeui, so you can fuk off, uncle. (︶︿︶)＝凸

Better count ur day, Rick. I love ya’ll relationship later in the novel but I don't right now. (╬￣皿￣)凸

I’m glad I’ve read the novel ,so I’m not as frustrated… And I don’t think y’all will like how book 1 (Passion) end…but the sequels are good tho.

The sequals (D.S &Passion suite) were sweet and all...just to come to the manwha again in passion, reminds me of the shit Ilay have put my baby, Tae, through.(;´༎ٹ༎`)

Started as a manhwa reader, got impatient, and read the novel on a whim. Suddenly became a die-hard fan of the Passion series. I think the manhwa is GREAT, but it also left out a lot of details that really deepen the characters and the story. Ofc, it’s difficult to adapt every detail, but reading the novel totally changes A LOT about my initial opinion of the story. Though it was ROUGH start in Passion, Diaphonic symphonia and passion: suite shows great progress of their relationship and sweet moments too.

[Novel]

The best way to describe the novel is that it really plumbs the depths of human nature, it’s psychologically nuanced and it’s so fucking addicting to read. Never have I ever loved and understood characters (mainly Taeui)so damn much. Hard to believe it was written more than 20 years ago. And those who called Taeui naive and stupid clearly either don't understand human psychology or the story well enough.

Taeui (MC) was a lot more miserable in the novel; just as the title ‘passion’ meaning sth like ‘suffering’ in Korean suggested, I can clearly feel his pain and confusion. What you see in the manwha is just the surface.

The novel displayed more of those tiny yet significant details of each character, and their feelings. Every one of the characters is really well written, realistic, and rich in character depth, fitting the harsh environment and story setting. Every character is much more in-depth in the novel. Although Ilay was an absolute menace to society and did terrible unjustifiable shit to both Taeui and other people, Ilay probably got the most character development along with Taeui.

People often complain that they DON’T UNDERSTAND the story/plot but it’s mainly because we’re seeing it from Taeui’s pov who was also confused as he was undervalued all his life, living in his genius brother’s and uncle’s shadows; he just got discharged, unemployed; his brother left their home leaving Taeui all alone; then suddenly he got thrown into a power struggle by his uncle, unknowingly being used for benefits and treated unfairly and like an object by people, including his very own uncle! Or sometimes people read illegible translation or just lack reading skill. Plot slowly unfolds, ladies and gentlemen, not given to you from the start.

Getting ridiculed for nepotism eventhough his uncle put him up to it and got shunned/hated by almost everyone just because he was doing his job for a man people hated. Thinking he’s building good relationships only to find out one(Xinlu) approached him for benefits(lucky charm) and out of hatred for someone else(Ilay) (refusing to lose to Ilay) and another (Ilay), whom he thought actually liked him for being himself, actually considered him like a toy for amusement or sex, kept him bc he’s Chang-in’s nephew/Jae-ui’s gilsangcheon, and knowingly watched as he was amused Taeui got played like a puppet in his uncle’s grand scheme.

The amount of mental/physical exhaustion and betrayal one after another started to really drive him insane as he desperately tried to calm himself down every time. He always tried to look on the bright side rather than hating people because he said it drains him more to hate than to like someone.Taeui slowly and finally broke down in the novel was much more painful than it was in the manhwa. The scene where he had a head-splitting headache from realizing the truths really broke me bro He kept taking painkillers(still can't sleep and can't stop the pain), mumbling in pain ‘my head hurts it hurts…’ , then running into Ilay just for Ilay to laugh at him and tell him THAT HE’S OVERLY SENSITIVE AND TOLD HIM NOT TO EXAGERATE TO MINOR ISSUES? BRO— Ilay kissed him gently after saying those words to him as if it was nothing! Taeui realized that his whole existence and feelings were not taken seriously by this man after Taeui had somewhat believed that Ilay kinda was fond of him.

Throughout the first novel, I noticed details in Taeui’s thoughts where Taeui had always liked Ilay in some way and always had some hope/beliefs in him. Just for Ilay who wasn't even aware of his own growing feelings, to push Taeui to his absolute limit because he was both intrigued/confused about why Taeui cared about him and decided to depend on the assumption that Taeui would never hate people being the people lover he was. Taeui was more disappointed in Ilay than he was in Xinlu. Though Taeui knew not to have faith in an inhumane guy, he still unconsciously did. Ilay went ahead and literally shattered every hope and faith Taeui placed in him.

When s.1 suffered so much while bottling everything, they’ll eventually break down even at the seemingly tiniest things. Taeui snapping, running away really gave himself an actual break FROM EVERYTHING and made Ilay realize how valuable Taeui actually was to him. Ilay was so confused why Tae hated him when he treats him so well (by his own (Ilay) standards), but slowly make an effort to try harder to understand Taeui which is NOT sth he normally does. Later, Taeui get used by his uncle AGAIN to find Jaeui, kidnapped, forced into sex, being confined, losing his dignity in front of Gable, people fighting over him regardless of how he feels, getting threats, hating himself for liking Ilay and struggling to understand both himself and Ilay( I have an explanation for this), getting confined/insulted by Rahman, finding out his brother’s hidden struggles, get labeled a fugitive, and going back to Ilay just to get gloves shoved in his mouth… It’s a ROUGH life for Taeui. ╥﹏╥

I would say Ilay is both worse and better in the novel. His actions contradict his words, his expression contradicts his words, his behavior contradicts his inhumane trait, his desperation contradicts his care-free traits/threats…I find it enjoyable scrutinizing every details. I could even say that most people who loves Ilay are because he’s a hot madman or you’re falling in love with ‘Ilay’ from Taeui’s pov; Ilay only treated Taeui well you see… (and he’s still terrifying from Taeui’s pov). Imagine seeing from others' POV a wealthy powerful German madman covered in blood cracking people’s necks with bare hands with a smile on his face in a 9v1 with you as his next victim. Idk why but I feel like his angry voice was already intimidating enough in English but imagine angry Ilay speaking German, a language that sounds even rougher and more intimidating. (⊙…⊙ )

His character is really complex to put into words, but it fits so well with the story and is consistent, too. The novel shows a lot of details of his character, actions, and feelings despite being an inhumane guy. As you read, you hate the character but simultaneously, you also understand them and their human nature. This is how Taeui felt towards the people around him eps towards Ilay.

[Chang-in]

Actually, the novel describes way more about Chang-in. I feel like his character was indeed manipulative but Taeui and possibly Jaeui, too, sort if knew and feel how his uncle was scheming things and only follow his uncle because Taeui’s a kind guy who trusted his uncle because they’re family. While Jaeui probably didn’t know what else to do anyway, going to a place where he can research was better and plus his uncle seem to wanted it, too, so he just goes along with it. He’s def the selfish type who prioritizes himself and his position at work, but his character is much deeper than just that. I don’t think they included it in the manhwa, but novel describes how Chang-in grew up as a genius and was disappointed in himself when he got in a gifted education program or sth and he felt like he was just was on a mediocre level among other geniuses. But his second disappointment in himself when he witnessed just how great of a genius Jaeui was. Uncle was envious and so does everyone including Taeui.(Taeui said he was envious too but more towards the luck part.) But uncle and Taeui still loves Jaeui. Chang-in goes on to mention how much burden he himself felt with HIS LEVEL of intelligence, but seeing Jaeui’s LEVEL, Chang-in wonder how much burden Jaeui feel and vowed to help him with whatever path he choses. But ofc his work probably comes first. Oh, I also discovered that Kyle went to the same gifted school? Wtf I didn’t not know that. Then Ilay is probably gifted or smart, too, based of how Ilay can understand Jaeui’s blueprint at ten years old, calling it impressive.

Anyway, there’s a lot more to each character than what’s portrayed in the manhwa.

[Manwha]

The manhwa, on the other hand, shows more of Ilay’s feeling through his expressions and eyes which we rarely get to understand through imagination alone using Taeui’s perspective. Most of the time, Passion is written according to what TAEUI sees. Ilay is an act of service dude, not a word of affection type of guy. Noticed how other people just kinda knew how Ilay was fond of Taeui without Ilay outright saying it? Even Chang-in, Kyle, Rita, peter kinda notice how different Ilay looked at Taeui. Or maybe Taeui was used to ‘that soft’ look from the beginning. Aside from the first name thing, I’m sure we all see how Ilay looked at Taeui from the manhwa with those gentle gaze from the start while Taeui was busy doing his own things only starting to closely observe the looks way later. (Ofc Ilay feelings intensifies later on too)

Thank you Gangjak-nim for the gorgeous art and great depiction of their expressions. The artist drew small details that even most reader overlooked. (I like to read one of the fan comment scrutinizing and explaining every chapter haha) I like to look at details like Ilay squinted smiling eyes, Ilay’s gentle expression, Taeui’s nice body, Ilay carefully holding up or tending to Taeui’s injured leg, a punch from the SUPERHUMAN ILAY that used his left hand instead of his right one to knock Taeui preventing him from going to Xinlu without bruising Taeui, Taeui's pretty crying face, Ilay’s karmic miserable expression…Man I love the art. I especially like how Taeui look during the mirror scene and Ilay when he was in the detention section or in the hotel lobby after finishing work in UNHRDO. Unlike the novel that depicts characters through words that are mostly left to imagination, the manhwa depicts Ilay’s expression especially well since he’s not a character that shows his feelings through words often but rather actions and expressions.

[Opinion]

People may ask struggle to understand why Taeui went back to or like Ilay. I think I can explain but that's too long. So maybe later. But I can confidently say that although Taeui developed feelings for Ilay, he never justifies the terrible things Ilay did to him nor does he ever forgive him for what he did to him. He always brings it up throughout the novel, saying that it's a bad memories that leaves a bad taste in his mouth. And would often frown or felt down when he was reminded of it.

I get where those who say ALL people who like PASSION support grape are coming from but they are not getting it right. I’m not speaking for all, but I can say that many read solely for the psychologically wrenching and well written characters/plot that depicts REALISM in that environment. Ilay def got his karma throughout the novels for what he did, suffering and feeling anxious/insecure about Taeui’s feelings even after years. It’s like liking a journal book that takes place in a harsh setting depicting terrible things that happened to them, only for people to say that you only supported what happened to them. I love Taeui with all my life. If I become a granny with dementia, Taeui would be a name that I would remember.

I mainly love how all the characters are so unique and CONSISTENT throughout the story (the novel depicts it really well with characters personalities/nature). Man, I’m amazed at how the author is able to keep the characters’ characters so consistent and they actually has their own personality and differences, making decisions that goes along perfectly with their character instead of writing just to please the readers. The characters development are befitting their human nature and personality too. I like how the characters don’t change overnight and instead it takes at least 1 whole book for changes. From terrible characters that most hate like Ilay, uncle chang-in, Richard, Rahman…etc. I would agree that they are DESPICABLE in many ways, but damn the characters are so well-written. Personally, I love characters with flaws that grew forward, because even actual human are imperfect beings to begin with.

Thanks for taking the time to read. I wrote all of this because I was bored and passionately obsessed. I just felt like encouraging people who might want to read the novel.