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Cuz what do you mean im scrolling on tiktok only to find out theres a virus on a ship with loads of pasenger and the fatality is around 40℅ and 3 pasenger died now they docking on spain and a staff who was on the ship infected a french person on the plane

Okay so I'm still a teenager, and I already feel hopeless about racism I'm black obvs, and I thought Id accepted how hopeless the situation is but I can't help but feel upset. And it just makes me cry, because I can't change my skin tone and I can't make people perceive my skin tone differently.

Even people I thought were my friends have this subconscious bias of me, they think I'm dumber, more aggressive, meaner. I just don't get it and I'm tired. No matter how much logic and reasoning you give a racist, nothing ever changes. Even those of you reading this who think you're not racist, if you look deep enough, you will find racism. Me included. No one is safe from it. But being a black woman, one of the most hated races is just, idk. With black men, at least they can ditch their blackness by prioritising their identity as men, but being black and a woman is like, it's a whole seperate category that I can never escape from. I can't just ditch being black and stick with woman, because Ill be shunned by women who see me as rough and loud off the getgo. And I can't ignore my identity as a woman to embrace my blackness because misogynoir is very much real in the black community.

I love being a black woman, I truly do, but when simple videos of black babies having fun, or black women commenting on the mundane draw hundreds of racist comments. Seeing a surge in Japanese people who have never even once spoken to a black person say they're scared of black people. Listening to my own friend tell me his entire group of friends dislike black women in particular, not the men no but the women. Black men too hate black women, it just gets fucking tiring. I wish I lived on a planet of only black women and I'm finding it increasingly harder to stay full of love and see the best in people because truly you never know who's a racist. It's more than just being afraid of what people think, people are KILLED for their skin tone. Not to mention I live in Scotland. They're friendly over here, but you can absolutely sense that they view you differently. I'm so tired. I can't even try rely on escapism in media because there will always be either a racist caricature or the darker skinned character is barbaric/strong, or they're just plot fodder and never important.

I'm just tired. And that's why it pisses me off when people dismiss racism in Asian media because there are real people like me who suffer the consequences of this racism and know there is NOTHING they can EVER do about it.

Sorry a bit of a rant but I truly have no where else to go I'm on my last straw lol